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The harsh lesson I learned...

frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
238
Location
South Korea
Life is hard. Some say denying this would cause catastrophe. Some say there's no hope. You should toughen up in order to endure the pain. This means suck everything up. Don't seek comfort by seeking therapists, and doctors. Do hard exercises and go to the military. Be a perfectionist, and be up to standards of these assholes who loves to criticize you. Sometimes, people lived in broken homes tend to do better than those who didn't. They are tougher, harder individuals who can stand through the difficulties of life than those who didn't.

Sounds like nonsense, doesn't it? That's how my church taught me. They said life is like a battleship, not a cruise ship. I was indoctrinated that life is rough, and in my opinion, it won't go smoother. When the veil innocence lifts, you just only realize that it gets harder. There's nothing that makes this life be better. If there's no suffering, there's no endpoint. Some say it goes on like a wave. High points, low points. Good times, bad times. But I sense that is just a crock of nonsense. The mental agony of life goes up EXPONENTIALLY as time passes by. And didn't I mention? It goes away like a vapor, and there's no payoff. Either there's nothing in heaven, or you'll rot away in hell.

I struggled that for years, until it came to clarity. People around me taught me wrong. It stated the fact of life correctly, but failed to cope with the pain in the correct way. That led to more damage to my mental psyche.

Not only that, this robs me of hope. I wish my life to be better, but saying that my life is hard, only means that worse things will happen. Exponentially. That's what people say to me.

A happy life is a lie. Many people say that broken lives lead to damaged psychology and dysfunction, but that's normal because life is HARD. All I can say is, everybody's too messed up to help me. It's a sheer dumb luck that people TRIED to connect with me somehow...
 
J

JuliaW54

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
130
Location
UK
Life is hard. Some say denying this would cause catastrophe. Some say there's no hope. You should toughen up in order to endure the pain. This means suck everything up. Don't seek comfort by seeking therapists, and doctors. Do hard exercises and go to the military. Be a perfectionist, and be up to standards of these assholes who loves to criticize you. Sometimes, people lived in broken homes tend to do better than those who didn't. They are tougher, harder individuals who can stand through the difficulties of life than those who didn't.

Sounds like nonsense, doesn't it? That's how my church taught me. They said life is like a battleship, not a cruise ship. I was indoctrinated that life is rough, and in my opinion, it won't go smoother. When the veil innocence lifts, you just only realize that it gets harder. There's nothing that makes this life be better. If there's no suffering, there's no endpoint. Some say it goes on like a wave. High points, low points. Good times, bad times. But I sense that is just a crock of nonsense. The mental agony of life goes up EXPONENTIALLY as time passes by. And didn't I mention? It goes away like a vapor, and there's no payoff. Either there's nothing in heaven, or you'll rot away in hell.

I struggled that for years, until it came to clarity. People around me taught me wrong. It stated the fact of life correctly, but failed to cope with the pain in the correct way. That led to more damage to my mental psyche.

Not only that, this robs me of hope. I wish my life to be better, but saying that my life is hard, only means that worse things will happen. Exponentially. That's what people say to me.

A happy life is a lie. Many people say that broken lives lead to damaged psychology and dysfunction, but that's normal because life is HARD. All I can say is, everybody's too messed up to help me. It's a sheer dumb luck that people TRIED to connect with me somehow...
Yes I agree, life is very tough and needs to be taught earlier in life. I like your description of life is a battleship not a cruise ship. So true.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
238
Location
South Korea
Yes I agree, life is very tough and needs to be taught earlier in life. I like your description of life is a battleship not a cruise ship. So true.
Not my description. People around me drilled me into this. Look, if you want to deal with the difficulties, you need to step back and gather your cool. Not push hard to perfection.

But that's what what every people told me. Stop doing your hobbies. Read books about success. Stop looking for happiness/joy. Even if you're not going rich, you still have to work your ass off. You can't relax. You have to be competitive or else you're unfit to live this life. Life's just too hard. You have to survive.

But I'm sick of this mantra, and I tried to escape. Tried to rebel. But it always get you. But I continue my escape because as soon as I accept this, I lose my mind. This fact leads me to hopelessness, and a bad rap to perfection. And perfection and competitiveness drives my mind nuts. Add that to hopelessness. It drives me to insanity. And I want to escape from it.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
10,345
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Nobody can be perfect and it would make things harder for you to stop doing things you enjoy, ignore those who tell you different :hug:
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
443
Location
California, USA
Hi frisas!

I'd like to think that there is more than one way to live life. Unfortunately, society has taught us there's only one way to live. To be happy, and to be successful. You go to school, get a good job, get married- that's what I call the rat race. Its true; when the world is built around this rat race, its hard to get out of it because its been the default way to live. There are people who live "off the grid". And think about it...what about tribes living in the amazon? They dont care about success lol. Their main concern is surviving. It's like being an introvert living in an extroverted world...it is really tough because we are all different. I like what midnightphoenix said. Why make life any harder than it is? What is wrong with enjoying things? There isn't! Who's to say that hard work would make you successful? What is succee to you? You only have one life to live. The people who criticize you. How much have they helped you throughout your life? Do they have your best interest? If not, dont pay attention to them much. Life is much harder when you try to please others...they will never be satisfied and why do you have to prove yourself to people who dont care about you? I truly believe ss long as we are alive we have a chance to live the life we want. I used to just only do things that would "help me get ahead in life" and it's made me depressed. Even though I f ished college, I'm still not happy as society epild tell me otherwise. Do what is right for you and what makes you feel good. In the end, the people who look down on you dont even think of you that much.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
238
Location
South Korea
Hi frisas!

I'd like to think that there is more than one way to live life. Unfortunately, society has taught us there's only one way to live. To be happy, and to be successful. You go to school, get a good job, get married- that's what I call the rat race. Its true; when the world is built around this rat race, its hard to get out of it because its been the default way to live. There are people who live "off the grid". And think about it...what about tribes living in the amazon? They dont care about success lol. Their main concern is surviving. It's like being an introvert living in an extroverted world...it is really tough because we are all different. I like what midnightphoenix said. Why make life any harder than it is? What is wrong with enjoying things? There isn't! Who's to say that hard work would make you successful? What is succee to you? You only have one life to live. The people who criticize you. How much have they helped you throughout your life? Do they have your best interest? If not, dont pay attention to them much. Life is much harder when you try to please others...they will never be satisfied and why do you have to prove yourself to people who dont care about you? I truly believe ss long as we are alive we have a chance to live the life we want. I used to just only do things that would "help me get ahead in life" and it's made me depressed. Even though I f ished college, I'm still not happy as society epild tell me otherwise. Do what is right for you and what makes you feel good. In the end, the people who look down on you dont even think of you that much.
Thank you for the advice. But I have something to say that is so unusual that you might not understand. Some people had rough childhoods. People around me in the past said that people with rough childhoods tend to do better with life than those who didn't. Reason? People with good childhoods don't know how to face off hardships of life. Rough childhood makes people learn to be more rugged. That makes them endure more hardships. I even saw evidence from researchers that this is true.

However, I don't agree with this tactic. Is treating the children to be tough bring benefit to them? If a child gets molested, do you yell and spank them to "man up"? That's ruins their mental health more. You should comfort them and put the molester to justice. Take them to therapy!

Being tough early on their childhood doesn't mean the person will be tough in their adulthood. You can be pampered during your early years and still toughen up in their adult years...
 
TulipIceCream

TulipIceCream

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Joined
Sep 5, 2019
Messages
316
Location
On The Train
I think a better word would be resilient rather than *tough*.

What does being tough on a child mean? It can mean strict but it can also mean abusive.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
238
Location
South Korea
I think a better word would be resilient rather than *tough*.

What does being tough on a child mean? It can mean strict but it can also mean abusive.
It can mean both things. But I don't endorse abuse...
 
K

KitKat90

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Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
104
Location
Texas
I think a lot of it has to do with a person’s personality. If you’re a sensitive person, the tough love approach will only cause more damage. We are all different and there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting what is society normal. You can change the messages and expectations others taught you. It takes time but it can be done.
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

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Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
443
Location
California, USA
Hi frisas!

Yes, I may have understood what you were talking about. I agree with your thoughts on the tactic. And as KitKat mentioned, personality plays a big role in people's lives. Family, environment, and culture plays a role too. I'm a pretty sensitive person. A tough approach wouldn't work for me. Instead, I need better coping mechanism. I think it's all about developing the most healthy coping skills for the individual to live a full life. I think the tactic can work both ways as well. Just because you had tough love doesn't mean that you'd be able to cope with life either.
 
hicks

hicks

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Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,224
Location
In a galaxy, far far away..
People around me in the past said that people with rough childhoods tend to do better with life than those who didn't.
Question I would ask there is, what do you mean by 'do better'? Bearing in mind that we all have different priorities in life.

society has taught us there's only one way to live. To be happy, and to be successful. You go to school, get a good job, get married- that's what I call the rat race
If that's what society thinks, then society is talking bollocks. Sorry but being happy and being 'successful' (whatever that is) do not go hand in hand. If they did, then people like Alan Sugar should be happy as larry. I would bet that most of them are not.
 
ReverieAnxiety

ReverieAnxiety

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Joined
Feb 3, 2019
Messages
443
Location
California, USA
Hi hicks!

Where are you from? I'm from America and in our society, we won't live a fufulling life unless we are "happy and successful". And I agree, success is subjective just like happiness.
 
frisas45

frisas45

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
238
Location
South Korea
I think a lot of it has to do with a person’s personality. If you’re a sensitive person, the tough love approach will only cause more damage. We are all different and there is nothing wrong with someone not wanting what is society normal. You can change the messages and expectations others taught you. It takes time but it can be done.
I absolutely agree. Tough love won't get anywhere if life is hard. At least not for everyone.
 
frisas45

frisas45

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Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
238
Location
South Korea
Question I would ask there is, what do you mean by 'do better'? Bearing in mind that we all have different priorities in life.
What I meant is, people with rough childhoods tend to survive the difficulties in life better than those who didn't. Which is bullshit. I'm sick of people around me telling me this crap. I don't know why they're saying it. But I hate hearing it.

If that's what society thinks, then society is talking bollocks. Sorry but being happy and being 'successful' (whatever that is) do not go hand in hand. If they did, then people like Alan Sugar should be happy as larry. I would bet that most of them are not.
And I didn't mean that success means happiness. I meant that since there's no happiness, I have to perform extremely well on everything to survive the onslaught of suffering. My mind tells me that constantly, and it makes my head ache...
 
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