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The first time you were manic

Tawny

Tawny

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This was the song
I had no idea i was unwell
I miss that ignorance
 
C

Chipotle

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I wonder when the first time was.
 
C

Chipotle

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When you don't know what it is [mania] you are not embarrassed by it.
 
S

SFGuy

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My first hypomanic episode probably happened in my mid-teens. It was really hypomania with mixed states and rapid cycling. I was simultaneously driven and hopeless. My drive came from a desire to escape an awful family by going away to college, so I suddenly started maniacally doing homework and studying. I got to college a year early, so it worked.

Once I got to college, I crashed into a short depression. Within a couple years, I was back to hypomanic mixed states. My hypomania got me into and through grad school, but rapid cycling (grandiosity<=>self-denigration) tortured me all the way.

I envy people who have fun when they're manic.
 
T

Traveler5

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I wonder when the first time was.
I have no clue. To the best of my knowledge, I don't think I've had a distinguishable hypomanic "episode." Maybe I've had one and just didn't know it. I guess if I had Bipolar 1 I'd know when it happens but with Bipolar 2 I can't tell, yet I've had three doctors diagnose me with BP2. I'm confused.
 
S

SFGuy

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I guess if I had Bipolar 1 I'd know when it happens but with Bipolar 2 I can't tell, yet I've had three doctors diagnose me with BP2. I'm confused.
It's complicated, yes? I don't think you or I fit into a tidy little diagnostic box.

For the moment, my baseline is hypomanic or depressed mixed states with rapid cycling along with ADHD and anxiety.

That's nearly unbearable, so I don't complain about medication side effects much. They're worth it.
 
Tawny

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It becomes more complicated when you don't know how your own mood escalates. For me, it starts off A then becomes B and then eventually C. There is a stage which is full of agitation and that is not always noticed by ourselves or others as part of hypo/mania.

That song, that was A, and then B came later and so on.

I find my episodes are different depending upon which medication i am taking and whether i am taking none. They have a different flavour.
 
Tawny

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It's not perfect. I have made my own based on the stages i go through.
 
C

Chipotle

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It is an interesting point to miss the ignorance of not knowing you were manic back then.

It makes me think, when you are manic, are you aware you are during the episode?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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It is an interesting point to miss the ignorance of not knowing you were manic back then.

It makes me think, when you are manic, are you aware you are during the episode?
I think the problem is, until symptoms are severe enough to be obviously not personality, you think they are personality, and so you are not ill.

Many years of that for me and it really does affect your view of yourself and also everything else.

I still don't fully understand what other people's viewpoint of life and the world is like, but i have a better idea.
 
SoftRain

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My parents just thought I was a hormonal teenager but looking back I was having manic episodes. I was never treated until my late 40"s. For years I thought it was normal to be so angry, but I did realize my reaction was over the top compared to others.
 
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Chipotle

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Yes, it is difficult to compare what is normal and your own behaviour. You almost need someone else to tell you.

But what is normal? Is there such a thing?
 
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