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The first time you had sex—consensual sex ***TRIGGER WARNING sexual abuse***

H

hairybanana

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Have been wanting to talk to people about this for years but it’s not something I’d discuss outside the forum.

For those who have a history of sexual abuse, I want to ask what your first consensual sexual experience was like. No graphic details necessary, I mean more mentally how did you cope?

My first sexual experience was not consensual and I was very young.

The first time I had consensual sex was with my first girlfriend. It was terrible. I spaced out completely. I remember concentrating really hard on looking at the computer and listening really intently to the music. Trying to get it to drown my brain. And that’s what I think about if I go back to that memory, how disconnected I was from it. I didn’t want to be present. I wanted to escape. I did not experience pleasure. And after it… I cried. Yep.

at that age I hadn’t dealt with any of my past trauma, but I can look back on things now and see how affected I was by it without even being aware of it.

the spacing out thing must have happened a lot because for a while there I’d blocked those memories out. Only coming back to me in therapy.

I’m hoping others will be able to relate, but I am really interested to know how everyone’s experience was with this, if you’re willing to share. Thanks guys 👍
 
Joe57

Joe57

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I’m very sorry that you‘ve had these bad experiences.

I didn’t have a bad experience with my first consensual sex. But I’ve had to battle low self-esteem throughout life, due to abuse at a young age.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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My first time was when I was 18, with my best friend who had recently become my girlfriend. Boys were too scary and I had no interest in them. The sex was ok. No orgasm. I didn't start having them until I was 21. I really just wanted to get it over with and was quite bored. It was an obligation throughout the relationship, and that wasn't her fault at all.
 
SoftRain

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My first time was with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. I was so nervous I began to laugh, and once I started laughing I couldnt stop. He got mad as hell and left. I felt so bad because he thought I was laughing at the size of his penis. lol. We worked it out after though and I explained to him I had a nervous laugh.
 
Talula67

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Yeah bad experience for me too. Although re-kindled the pain with the guy who I fell into love / obsession / FP with a few times in later life and we have become besties since via FB which I haven't been on for about 4 months. But healed alot of pain from childhood. He was my brother's friend.

Unfortunately I was used as a s** toy since the age of 8 years so it was inevitable I guess ....😢😧💔
 
SoftRain

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Yeah bad experience for me too. Although re-kindled the pain with the guy who I fell into love / obsession / FP with a few times in later life and we have become besties since via FB which I haven't been on for about 4 months. But healed alot of pain from childhood. He was my brother's friend.

Unfortunately I was used as a s** toy since the age of 8 years so it was inevitable I guess ....😢😧💔
Hugs and kisses my dear friend. I did not know this and my heart goes out to you.
 
SoftRain

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Thank you rain ... I've come to terms with alot of it but waiting for trauma therapy again to re-visit ... :panic:
I so hope it mends those deep wounds. I imagine if I had been sexually abused I would have a terrible time with sex. ;It would become unbearable.
 
Talula67

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I so hope it mends those deep wounds. I imagine if I had been sexually abused I would have a terrible time with sex. ;It would become unbearable.
Yeah I do prefer making love now ... Rather than s** ☺😘💞... Thank you my lovely ...
 
Talula67

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Someone please tell me they have been there
Been there with which part ... I can relate most definitely to your first post ... I remember the actual moment I had met someone and was hysterically crying in the middle of the act. I had to stop. I remember it like it was yesterday. All of it!

Consequently that f****d up that relationship .

Is that what you mean?
 
H

hairybanana

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Been there with which part ... I can relate most definitely to your first post ... I remember the actual moment I had met someone and was hysterically crying in the middle of the act. I had to stop. I remember it like it was yesterday. All of it!

Consequently that f****d up that relationship .

Is that what you mean?
Yes 🙏 that I wasn't the only one that had a melt down. And I didn't even get it. I didn't see it. I didn't put two and two together. But i look back on it and can see all the ways it affected me from the back of my mind. It's always been there.
 
Talula67

Talula67

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Yeah it's subconsciously there (imo) until we can release the demon and bring it out and take power away...only then for me I could be consciously aware of the feeling comes up again ...

...Control the thought consciously and have the feedback in my mind that the counsellor gave me to help me control my mind before the feeling controls everything that was previously on a subconscious level.

Does that make sense?
 
H

hairybanana

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Yeah it's subconsciously there (imo) until we can release the demon and bring it out and take power away...only then for me I could be consciously aware of the feeling comes up again ...

...Control the thought consciously and have the feedback in my mind that the counsellor gave me to help me control my mind before the feeling controls everything that was previously on a subconscious level.

Does that make sense?
Nope but that's probably my fault :sherlock:
 
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