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The First Time I Got Depression.

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HollyR

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
154
Location
UK
I was 11 years old, and I had just started secondary school. Me and my family had just returned from a three week holiday in Tenerife, which was the home of a lot of my family over the years, my Grandad hadn't been very unwell and when we got back, something changed in me all of a sudden. Only a few days after getting back, I started to feel really emotional and would just start to cry out of nowhere, I'd feel very anxious like something terrible was going to happen, and would hate making any type of mistake. Every day I felt nervous about everything, and as I had only just started school, it was getting beyond a joke that every little thing made me feel on edge. I was 11/12 years old, all I wanted to do was enjoy myself, but here I was, feeling completely hopeless.

After 5 days, we received news that my Grandad had passed away in the night, that morning I convinced my Mum to let me stay off school because I was feeling so bad. As soon as she told me, I burst into tears and just felt my whole being fall apart. Now that I was grieving as well as feeling depressed, I fell into a dark hole that just wouldn't end, and even though my Mum said it was 'holiday blues' I just didn't believe it. This went on for months and months, my mood was very erratic, and I started telling my Mum everything I'd done that I felt was wrong. I couldn't live with myself, and I couldn't keep going on like this.

That's all I really remember about that very first time getting depression, and it just hit me like a brick wall. It felt like my soul had been taken from me, and when it returned, it was forever slightly cracked in one corner.
 
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cookoo

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 16, 2019
Messages
78
Location
London
Sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a loved one is never ever easy no matter how mentally strong you are. But it’s the sweet loving memories that you have that keep your heart from hurting. It’s the love & attachment you have to help you get through grief. Hey just to let you know every one is slightly cracked in one corner it’s just that most people have found the art in covering it up or dealing with it. For some it’s a traumatic experience that causes depression and for others simply hereditary. The key is to really own your emotions. Be so in tune & in control of your feelings that you have confidence in yourself to get through any type of challenge in life.
 
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HollyR

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
154
Location
UK
Sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a loved one is never ever easy no matter how mentally strong you are. But it’s the sweet loving memories that you have that keep your heart from hurting. It’s the love & attachment you have to help you get through grief. Hey just to let you know every one is slightly cracked in one corner it’s just that most people have found the art in covering it up or dealing with it. For some it’s a traumatic experience that causes depression and for others simply hereditary. The key is to really own your emotions. Be so in tune & in control of your feelings that you have confidence in yourself to get through any type of challenge in life.
Thank you, therapy is helping me to slowly understand my emotions as they're so up and down due to my BPD. With time will come more progress, thank you :)
 
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cookoo

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 16, 2019
Messages
78
Location
London
Thank you, therapy is helping me to slowly understand my emotions as they're so up and down due to my BPD. With time will come more progress, thank you :)
All the best with therapy. Wish you all the best :)
 
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