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The final stupid argument.

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EstherRose94

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I’m done trying. If he wants to date me he can stop making sarcastic, stupid little comments then being pissed when I call him out for not being as respectful as I WILL have my partner be. I am so TIRED and DONE. he knows where I am. I’m not saying a word to him until he properly apologizes. I wasn’t the one in the wrong. I was being so nice. He’s impossible and the stress isn’t worth the relationship anymore.
 
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EstherRose94

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Thanks hicks
 
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EstherRose94

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I caved already and was sweet. Why do I love him so much. Is it OKAY that I do? What do I do to stop being so obsessed? I just want to have normal feelings for this guy. Other than obsession or resentment haha.
 
RicharDragon

RicharDragon

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It is always ok to love someone unconditionally It can even be noble
But is it healthy? Probably not and not good for you. For it to be a healthy relationship you have to have your needs met as well as your partner's if it is one sided it cannot be fulfilling
Best of luck to you Esther!
 
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EstherRose94

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Blah. You’re right. I wish there was like a singular obvious answer haha. Oh well. My goal is to try to focus on me more. Then I hope everything will fall into place
 
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Girl interupted

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Nov 17, 2018
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Here’s the thing. When you know you are with the right person, you KNOW it.

I think his ptsd and your bpd aren’t the best combo. And I hate seeing you twisting yourself into a pretzel.

i fully realize we are only getting one side of the story. But sometimes you have to do what is good for you.

go back and read through your posting history here. It will tell you everything you need to decide.
 
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EstherRose94

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Except that I don’t post the good things. I mean yeah if I go off all my frustrations and thinking about how it’s always been a little difficult to mesh at times then yeah it seems unlikely that we’ll last long term.

but the good things are REALLY good. That doesn’t mean that we’ll work but it does kinda mean I’m willing to ride it out.

however yep I do feel like I’m a pretzel at the moment! I think I need to just like mentally put my relationship on the back burner and worry more about the actual issue at hand: I have no clue who I am right now/ in this stage of life.

I need some new girlfriends and to like slowly figure out who I am. It just sounds so exhausting to be honest. I think I’m a little depressed and therefore allowing myself to just be super obsessed with my relationship because it’s easier to let someone else decide everything.

and I do love him too but I think that’s really mixed with obsession right now. Slash resentment sometimes.

I really don’t know. I just need to make some goals and step out of my comfort zone. But not tonight haha. Tonight I’m binging Seinfeld.
 
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Girl interupted

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I’ve been binging Rick and Morty. :)
 
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EstherRose94

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Oh me too I love rick and morty haha.

thank you so much fairy lu! 🥰
 
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EstherRose94

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I decided to watch this movie that my ex loved cause I talked through it back then. Umm it was actually what I needed to see. It was about not getting caught up in the details. And loving people despite their flaws. It really hit me. In a good way.
 
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EstherRose94

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So we talked last night and it was pretty dumb. I was practically begging for love and reassurance or for him to come to my place to comfort me or SOMETHING. he didn’t. He said we weren’t working but he also said how much he loves me. He said we can see each other today. But I’m not reaching out first. It’s ten am here and he’s said nothing.

I know I’m a bad girlfriend to him and I should just let him go.

I’m embarrassed how thoroughly I’ve ruined this relationship but I need to give up. I just can’t.
 
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Girl interupted

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Takes two people to have a relationship Esther.

You need to recognize that it’s not all you, and be a bit kinder to yourself.
 
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EstherRose94

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Thank you ❤❤ I really hope it’s not. I would feel so bad.
 
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wonderwoman18

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Oct 12, 2019
Messages
70
Location
Ottawa
Esther i know exactly how you feel - if my ex had been able to meet my emotional needs and even financial ones in the past year - I would have been okay. My ex had me taking care of him for the past 6.5 years and when i needed taking care of, he bailed on me, took off and disappeared. It makes me wonder if the reason i have been so sick after 30 functional years is because he could not reassure me, comfort me, make me feel like things would get better.

We were so happy for 6.5 years, so of course i miss that and want to go back to those times, but for the past year, he has shown me over and over again how useless he is at taking care of me. Even after me going in and out of the hospital in the past year and my two overdoses, it was still me trying to run the show, figuring things out, having to make decisions. I just wanted an equal partner who could be there for me for once.
 
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