The feeling of having something unique and unexplainable

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bobbyassustado

Active member
Joined
Jun 15, 2014
Messages
44
Whats been annoying me more on the last weeks, is the feeling that my deep rumination/questions-seeking, developed a whole new concept of worry.

It's even hard to explain on words. I feel like, my problem now is not the doubts and the memory itself, but something else grew there, like a "monster", a bad feeling, something "stuck" there inside this thought, that make me feel anxiety by itself....... Something unique, that no one else besides me feels too.. like I have The worst ocd of all....

Its like.. at first, my worry was the memory/questions itself, but now something else and worst grew up there, and blocked everything... Like a big shadow... Like an Abstract thing that cant even be explained! Its just there, making impossible for me to feel a "closure" for my case... I always catch myself going back on this thought, only to realize that this Abstract Monster still there blocking my judgments...

Idk, It makes sense in my head but its hard to put on words....
Oh, and I never feel satisfied enough about my description of this 'monster', and thats another reason why I keep coming back to ruminate over it, to try to get a better description of this abstract thing
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,773
Hi Bobby,
Hey I'm sorry. You sound as though you are really struggling with this at the moment.
Sometimes it is so hard to put feelings into words.
We are listening here. Shout up if you just want to talk or if there is anything practical we can do to help you.
All good wishes :)
 
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bobbyassustado

Active member
Joined
Jun 15, 2014
Messages
44
Hi friend. Yea, I see that everyone always knows how to explain his Ocds, but not knowing how to explain mine, makes me feel even more scared

I'll try again

Imagine all Ocd thoughts and fears as individual fruits... One is an Orange, one is an apple, and so on. Each fruit is one obsessive thought. Is easy to explain each one individually huh?

Now imagine that I catch one of my fruits (thought) and hold in my hand and smash it complety. Its just a mess Impossible to describe... Feels like it's the worst of all... Much worst than the other ones, because this one is totally ruined and smashed and ugly!

Its something like that!!!
 
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rachelangelo

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 12, 2017
Messages
63
Thanks for sharing. Putting feelings into words is difficult. You're doing the right thing by reaching out. Just know that it's okay not to completely know what you're experiencing. Talking about what you can with others will really help the weight seem less. A monster is more easily defeated by a group of people. You don't have to do this alone.
 
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