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The fact he just doesn't care hurts more than anything

katya

katya

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Broke up with my boyfriend. It was my decision, but it still hurts. He was very unsupportive and quite unkind towards the end. I had to move out of our shared house (sorry for people who've read this about 5 times), because the couple we lived with was abusive and shitty and made our lives hell. I moved out abruptly because the stress of the place was too much for me (I'm an NQT as well), and since then his attitude has very much been: "You've left me - I don't owe you anything."

It's been really hard because all I've wanted from him - even for the past couple of months - has been a bit of affection and compassion. Even before this all kicked off, he didn't want to speak to me; he locked himself up in his room and told me to go away whenever I tried to speak to him. He took drugs on a nightly basis. He hated doing things outside the house and acted like going out with me was a chore. He was rarely affectionate towards me.

At the end, he's not even tried to get me back. That really hurts. It's my own fault, really, because I basically said to him something to the effect of: if you can't see any empathy for me now, then I'm done wasting my time with you (which I genuinely am - I can't do it anymore); please don't contact me again. Obviously, he hasn't, because that's what he's like. He's the kind of person to disappear without a trace.

I just wish he cared about me. I thought he loved me. I feel like I've lost a lot of my dignity over the past couple of months, begging him to spend time with me. It's really, really, really hurtful.

I know I've made the right choice, but God it hurts.
 
katya

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Nikita said:
I know you are hurting bad jruth but your ex bf didn't show any concern over the abuse your flatmates put you through and even one night as you pointed out spent all night with them laughing and joking while you were having a horrendous time in your room after arguing with them.Now you mention your bf doing drugs I imagine the drug taking is all he cared about and as the terrible flatmates were druggies too it sounds like that is why he took their side.Were you just a cash cow for them all?I hope you are not offended by my saying all this.You deserve someone much better than your ex.No way you should have put up with any of them as long as you did.I hope you get over it all soon.Nikitax
I wasn't a cash cow for my ex, but I was for the other two - we were subsidising their rent anyway, and the one who got beaten up was always asking me for "rent" (i.e., weed) money. The other couple were total users. My ex didn't want to move out with me because I didn't have a permanent job, so it's slightly different with him.

I know I deserve better. This is really highlighted by the fact that all three of them think that this is all my fault. It boggles the fucking mind. It shows their mentality as well - they'd rather blame someone who's basically innocent than look at their own fucking problems. Shows how much they cared about my wellbeing. Nowhere near as much as they care about themselves and maintaining the skid row denial they're all living in.

Thanks for your kind words.
 
katya

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I say I was basically innocent; I was a shit at times in our relationship, but I don't think I deserve absolutely no compassion whatsoever.

I just wish he'd have a sort of epiphany and say he's sorry and that he cares about me and that it's not my fault and that he wants to be with me. But he won't.
 
bulbie

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You're not to blame even a little. You've been stretched too far for too long, that's all. if you have ever been a shit, it's probably been a response to the overall treatment you have been receiving, rather than you just being an asshole because you can.

He never really wanted you by the sound of it, never really loved you. If he did, then you leaving would have been the biggest fear he would ever have experienced in his whole sorry life, and he would have fought for you.
 
SomersetScorpio

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I'm really sorry that things have turned out this way.
I can hear that you're really hurting and that the lack of compassion towards you feels extremely hurtful.
Perhaps some people just find it easier to totally cut off from someone when the relationship ends. Showing no emotion is easier than being kind, maybe? I don't know. I'm only speculating.

The whole living arrangement situation has just been a complete nightmare for you, hasn't it? And now you're left with it having made a massive impact on your relationship and life.

I wish I had some soothing words to say, but i'm sure things will be painful for you for a while.
Just sending a big hug your way. Also, try to do one nice thing for yourself each day.. even if it's a bar of chocolate or something.
:hug5:
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I'll come be your bitch, cook and clean for you. If you behave i may even get a French maids outfit :)

Joking aside, I'm sorry hes a dick. Some men are just selfish little boys, mine was too. :hug5: it just reinforces why we left them xx
 
katya

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You're not to blame even a little. You've been stretched too far for too long, that's all. if you have ever been a shit, it's probably been a response to the overall treatment you have been receiving, rather than you just being an asshole because you can.
I can be a twat, but I was always sorry for doing anything twatty and thought showing I cared was the most important thing. I tried hard to be better for him - which I now resent because he hasn't lifted a fucking finger for me. I begged him to come off drugs because it was too hard for me, and he just locked himself away and told me to fuck off.

He never really wanted you by the sound of it, never really loved you. If he did, then you leaving would have been the biggest fear he would ever have experienced in his whole sorry life, and he would have fought for you.
I'm starting to realise that myself. I think he thinks he loved me, but in reality how he treated me was so far removed from love. He barely treated me with the respect you'd show a friend. And yet I miss him. I always fucking do this with partners. I need to shape the fuck up.

Thanks for your support. :)
 
katya

katya

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I'm really sorry that things have turned out this way.
I can hear that you're really hurting and that the lack of compassion towards you feels extremely hurtful.
Perhaps some people just find it easier to totally cut off from someone when the relationship ends. Showing no emotion is easier than being kind, maybe? I don't know. I'm only speculating.

The whole living arrangement situation has just been a complete nightmare for you, hasn't it? And now you're left with it having made a massive impact on your relationship and life.

I wish I had some soothing words to say, but i'm sure things will be painful for you for a while.
Just sending a big hug your way. Also, try to do one nice thing for yourself each day.. even if it's a bar of chocolate or something.
:hug5:
Thanks for for your kind words. You're right; it feels like a bit of a clusterfuck really. I've been with him for four years so I'm finding myself missing him by thinking of things we've done together and I feel like I'm missing a huge part of my life now. He wasn't kind to me though. Thanks again. I'll try to take care of myself. :)
 
katya

katya

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I'll come be your bitch, cook and clean for you. If you behave i may even get a French maids outfit :)

Joking aside, I'm sorry hes a dick. Some men are just selfish little boys, mine was too. :hug5: it just reinforces why we left them xx
Hahaha! Deal. :)

We should both feel proud for leaving. Hope you're feeling a bit better as each day goes by.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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its like riding a rollercoaster! eeeek
 
Jaminacaranda

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jruth...my man, the father of my only child, left after we had been together for 20 years. It's hard, even if both of you basically knew it was the end and wanted the relationship to end. It will get better but yes, it takes time. You just have to weather the storm.
 
katya

katya

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jruth...my man, the father of my only child, left after we had been together for 20 years. It's hard, even if both of you basically knew it was the end and wanted the relationship to end. It will get better but yes, it takes time. You just have to weather the storm.
Thanks for this. I'm sorry to hear you went through that. It's amazing what people can go through and emerge from the other side!

Hope you're feeling well with it all.
 
catkin

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I'm sorry that you are hurt, that he hasn't been who or what you've needed. You deserve better, am glad you are out of that place. Be gentle with yourself xx
 
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