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The eternal cycle I'm stuck in

HellRider

HellRider

Member
Joined
Jan 28, 2021
Messages
22
Location
Montreal
It feels in my life every step I've taken, I've gone backwards to what is safe and what I know. I feel stuck in an endless loop of dependency.

These past few days I feel I've regressed to my highschool years while I'm at my adult job. I don't feel the urge to socialize with my coworkers bc I have online friends + video games at home. As a result I feel like the loner I was in high school and I feel like everyone turns against me.

I also start feeling hatred for my collegues but it's not for anything they really ever do. It's just the way they speak to me, the tone they use, the pointless things they talk about, the way they avoid me, despite me being clearly aware that my evading them is the same reason they avoid me. But I just don't care I guess it feels comfy not needing to socialize with people...But I dont want to be like this, it isn't the same me I was a year or 2 ago. I was filled with boundless energy and confidence, wanting to meet people and talk. Now I'm back to how I've been for 90% of my life...

I keep having these grand dreams, never taking the 1st few steps to realizing them and then I wake up, 26 still at momma's house. This unhappiness I think is the stem of my behavioral/emotional issues. This lack of drive and passion to achieve something really hampers me

Life has only ever been comfy for me. Cozy, no challenge, nothing to make me want to get up and go.

Now it takes the biggest of willpower to just get up every morning. I no longer do my exercise routine, it simply bores me, but I feel bad for not exercising. I stopped dieting, I'm not doing the efforts to get myself unhooked from video games, not doing anything to stop to watching porn, not trying to learn what I want to do with my life.

I keep throwing in the towel without ever trying and I just feel benumbed and on auto pilot.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
746
Location
California, US
It sounds like you're struggling right now and I want to send you some love and compassion. Anxiety makes every aspect of life seem much harder than it is and chronic irritability is a symptom of GAD.

My experience with GAD is that it waxes and wanes like the moon throughout my life. Presently, my anxiety is at the highest it's been in 3 years. And I'm aware that there's a lot of heavy stuff going on in the world and I'm doing without many ways I cope due to the pandemic.

Hope you'll give yourself a little kindness and compassion, you sound very discouraged. I know that feeling so well. We improve in small steps and sometimes we fall backwards.
 
S

Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
276
Location
UK
I totally relate. I've gone through periods of being really motivated (to the point I've been shocked at what I've been capable of) and then regressing into cosy and safe especially when things have gone wrong.

Maybe just pick one thing...anything. it's also good to have an accountability buddy, someone who can encourage you and you encourage them when the motivation or discipline isn't there.
 
A

always2020

Member
Joined
May 10, 2021
Messages
20
Location
Surbiton, Surrey
I saw a photo of a schizophrenic man, I’m sitting here pretending I’m talking to that poor person. How embarrassing. Just imagine if the man I was thinking about was here lol too funny.
 
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