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Arielxo

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
28
Someone told me that if you can face death, then you can face anything. The same person told confidence isn't about not having any problems, it's about having problem and fears and still being able to carry on regardless.
Why can my brain not function that kind of information? For me, this is the end. Ive attempted my life so many times, too many times to encounter afterwards there is a part of relief and for a while you're glad you didn't die, but then you are unable to function again, and the suffering begins once again. It's as if you're unable to comprehend that things will get better, one because you know it'll happen again and 2 because your brain is unable to work in the correct manner. For me, my life is like watching a film you absolutely hate, it stops, you play it again. Same movie, same outcomes, over and over again. It's like constantly knowing that the One of the main characters in the film will leave or die. So you want to leave or die first. I am at the end of this film now and I just cannot watch this play out again.
 
FuzzyPeach

FuzzyPeach

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 3, 2015
Messages
92
Change the movie
Change the character in some way
Encourage the character to appreciate the movie
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I know it's hard, but try to remember that feeling of relief that you made it when your previous attempts have failed.
It's so difficult when the despair creeps back in, but when it really comes to it, something at some point made you relieved that you'd lived.

Keep focusing on the small beauties. Do little things to keep you going.
It sounds sad, but even something like buying a new pair of slippers brings small joy to me... as I said, keep it small. Baby steps. :hug:
 
V

Viktoria

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 11, 2014
Messages
2,276
Sending hugs xxx SS is right, something made you happy that you survived, hold on to that x
 
F

Fighting

Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2015
Messages
14
Hi, I found myself in a similar situation. Or I will recover soon or I will die. It has been bad but I could not imagine it can become worse. Faith in God keeps me on. This is why I give up suicide. I try to forgive people who hurted me and, what is harder, try to forgive myself. I know it may sound absurde together with my previous words, but I love life. I love snow, sun in the sky, fresh air, jam and sushi, walk, paint, write, buy stuff, spend time with my husband, I love many things! This is in spite of me suffering from shizophrenia, OCD, Personality disorder, I am paranoiak and believe in demons. My life is a total hell. I have no friends, because I suffer from social phobia, I have no money because I can not make myself work. But I just let love be in my heart. Hope this helps.
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
Someone told me that if you can face death, then you can face anything. The same person told confidence isn't about not having any problems, it's about having problem and fears and still being able to carry on regardless.
Why can my brain not function that kind of information?
This is only an assumption, but I guess because when someone feels at their lowest point, the last thing they need is lecturing. I am not saying that the person you spoke to did that, or had this intention. But this has been my experience quite often lately.

At my lowest point, when I feel overwhelmed by anxiety or depression, I've often tried to speak to my parents. They start going on about how important it is to be strong in life, to find the strength inside you, blah blah. This is not helpful (at least to me) - when someone feels so low, what they need is comfort. Questions help, words of comfort - discussion to figure out what is wrong - I need an indication that the other person is trying to understand my situation and how I'm feeling, validate it, and help me get through this. (Of course, all that, in an ideal world...)

Of course when you're feeling so low your brain won't be able to process this information that you said - it's not that something is wrong with you, but (imo) because it's not what you need to hear and what's helpful. To me, it always sounded like someone was trying to remind me of all the things I could not yet do.

How's your support system in real life? Do you see any doctor/therapist? How about family/friends?
 
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A

Arielxo

Active member
Joined
Jan 8, 2015
Messages
28
I think my biggest struggle is that my close network (family) who are supposed to support me, just do not understand. They think I want to be ill, I have a close friend who is very understanding but I just don't feel like I can ever say "I want to die" without sounding ridiculous because people only commit suicide if they don't speak about it, right? Well that's what everyone seems to tell me anyway. I have a dispute going on at work at the moment so work is terrible, my therapist she's good & trying to help me the best way she can but has admitted their is only so much as a psychotherapist she can do, awaiting to see the persoanlity disorders team and the doctor he just hasnt got a clue what to do with me :(
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
I understand that, people not understanding, I've experienced it as well. I think many people are really misinformed about mental health illnesses. As if it is fun being ill, why would someone want that? I'm glad you at least have a close friend who is understanding. And yes, people may react weird if they hear "I want to die" - I wished so many times in the past that I could talk openly about my struggles with suicidal thoughts. Are there any helplines where you live? At times when I was feeling really low, I would find it a comfort to talk to a helpline. It is short-term relief, but it is better than nothing and would help me when I felt I couldn't talk to friends. When are you seeing the personality disorders team? Sending you my thoughts.
 
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