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The end is near

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tahlbahntpalss

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
Well you’ll just have to think about your poor dad and your dog then, I suppose they are a reason for you to stick around or maybe that’s why you haven’t already done it? I was suicidal for years and because of my son I didn’t kill my self and believe me it was agony. I’m glad I didn’t end it now.
The problem is my dad is unstable and has a violent temper, and does nothing to fix it or help himself, sometimes I wonder whether he really cares about me. I think less and less about how my death would affect him.
 
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blue spark

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
154
Location
bottom of dingly dell
I had some sort of breakdown in 1996,it was caused by people.Life has never been the same,I no longer socialise and not seen any friends for over 20 years.The doctor put me on medication,i went from 15 stone to 26 stone.I'm now down to 21 stone,my belly and my skin is hanging.I can't stand being touched,no lady in my life.My life is a mess,i can't see any light at the end of the tunnel either.Sometimes i wish i wouldn't wake up,iv'e thought about it for a long time but would never do it unless i can't care for myself and become a burded then it's bye bye.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
1,615
Location
Sheffiield
I have a support worker, more like a mentor really, he's got lived experience and spent around three years on a ward with bipolar and psychosis, he's written three books about it.

He keeps telling me "feed the problem and the problem will grow, feed the solution and the solution will grow".

We need to figure out how to feed your solution, what would you like your life to be like and how do we get you there?

Next week I'll be going to a new mental health group facilitated by a local rugby club and I'm really looking forward to meeting new people. Being able to talk to people like me makes my life worth living, without my illness I'd still be playing computer games alone in my room getting stoned all day so I can find the brightside of things.

Can you find anything like this group in your area and make some new friends?
 
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blue spark

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
154
Location
bottom of dingly dell
I have a support worker, more like a mentor really, he's got lived experience and spent around three years on a ward with bipolar and psychosis, he's written three books about it.

He keeps telling me "feed the problem and the problem will grow, feed the solution and the solution will grow".

We need to figure out how to feed your solution, what would you like your life to be like and how do we get you there?

Next week I'll be going to a new mental health group facilitated by a local rugby club and I'm really looking forward to meeting new people. Being able to talk to people like me makes my life worth living, without my illness I'd still be playing computer games alone in my room getting stoned all day so I can find the brightside of things.

Can you find anything like this group in your area and make some new friends?
What if theres no solution.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
1,615
Location
Sheffiield
There's always a solution. Or at least that's what I choose to believe.

I don't see death as a solution to anything apart from in extreme circumstances where someone is terminally ill and in terrible physical pain but that's another topic entirely.
 
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tahlbahntpalss

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
I had some sort of breakdown in 1996,it was caused by people.Life has never been the same,I no longer socialise and not seen any friends for over 20 years.The doctor put me on medication,i went from 15 stone to 26 stone.I'm now down to 21 stone,my belly and my skin is hanging.I can't stand being touched,no lady in my life.My life is a mess,i can't see any light at the end of the tunnel either.Sometimes i wish i wouldn't wake up,iv'e thought about it for a long time but would never do it unless i can't care for myself and become a burded then it's bye bye.
That's sad to hear. I know exactly how you feel.
I have a support worker, more like a mentor really, he's got lived experience and spent around three years on a ward with bipolar and psychosis, he's written three books about it.

He keeps telling me "feed the problem and the problem will grow, feed the solution and the solution will grow".

We need to figure out how to feed your solution, what would you like your life to be like and how do we get you there?

Next week I'll be going to a new mental health group facilitated by a local rugby club and I'm really looking forward to meeting new people. Being able to talk to people like me makes my life worth living, without my illness I'd still be playing computer games alone in my room getting stoned all day so I can find the brightside of things.

Can you find anything like this group in your area and make some new friends?
I have a disease that causes me to find socialising to be very difficult and almost traumatising. I've been forced into these kinds of things and it ended up making me feel much worse.
I'd honestly like for my life to be brought to an end quickly and painlessly. I do not want to continue.
There's always a solution. Or at least that's what I choose to believe.

I don't see death as a solution to anything apart from in extreme circumstances where someone is terminally ill and in terrible physical pain but that's another topic entirely.
Exactly, this is what you choose to believe, not what is necessarily true. Suicide should exist as an option for those in extreme circumstances, but I think it should also be there for those who are depressed, though have given it thorough consideration, such as myself.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
1,615
Location
Sheffiield
Stick around for a while, post and read what others have said in thier threads and you'll hopefully find lots of kindred spirits.

Maybe a little of our positivity and optimism will rub off on you.
 
B

blue spark

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
154
Location
bottom of dingly dell
Stick around for a while, post and read what others have said in thier threads and you'll hopefully find lots of kindred spirits.

Maybe a little of our positivity and optimism will rub off on you.
I'm 61,death will come soon enough.Some people need a near death experience to truly live,i just plod on.
 
Milomushi

Milomushi

Member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
11
Location
New York
At your request I will not tell you that it gets better. It seems to always be a struggle. I read a passage that suggested that at times of great distress maybe we should allow others to decide if we should live or die as we may not be thinking clearly. You seem to express that your thoughts are clear and you have made your decision. The truth is that I joined this site just a few days ago with great frustration and just wanting to connect to others who struggle. It makes me feel a little less alone. I do recommend that if you choose to stick around finding things that bring joy and meaning to your life. This will make a difference. I have been through a lot and would be happy to offer more detailed advice.
Please take care
 
Lady in Blue

Lady in Blue

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
62
Location
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Maybe one reason to live could be to prove the diagnosis of a narcissistic sociopath wrong, not to give to professionals the satisfaction, to recover in spite of not because of them. Just trying to think of externally motivated reasons for not committing suicide.
 
M

Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
50
Location
South America
Hold on there. See your doctor, ask him to change the medication. Give life a chance to get better. We all go through bad periods but then the sun shines. Sending you positive vibrations
 
OrphanBlack

OrphanBlack

Member
Joined
Nov 16, 2019
Messages
18
Location
UK
I won't take a position on whether you should or shouldn't commit suicide; but you should make some provision for the dog - seems unfair that he/she should starve to death?
 
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tahlbahntpalss

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
Stick around for a while, post and read what others have said in thier threads and you'll hopefully find lots of kindred spirits.

Maybe a little of our positivity and optimism will rub off on you.
Maybe. Perhaps I should explore this place a bit more.
At your request I will not tell you that it gets better. It seems to always be a struggle. I read a passage that suggested that at times of great distress maybe we should allow others to decide if we should live or die as we may not be thinking clearly. You seem to express that your thoughts are clear and you have made your decision. The truth is that I joined this site just a few days ago with great frustration and just wanting to connect to others who struggle. It makes me feel a little less alone. I do recommend that if you choose to stick around finding things that bring joy and meaning to your life. This will make a difference. I have been through a lot and would be happy to offer more detailed advice.
Please take care
Thanks, and I asbolutely agree, life is a constant struggle and has been since the beginning of puberty. In the last year I got much worse.
I have made my decision and am sticking to it. I've got myself mentally prepared for it and began writing my will. I broke the news to my best friend a while ago and he seems increasingly concerned, he mostly understands my position but I don't think he knows just how serious about this I am.
I have tried everything that I know would have a chance of making me happy, and while I did find happiness in these things they still didn't change anything
Maybe one reason to live could be to prove the diagnosis of a narcissistic sociopath wrong, not to give to professionals the satisfaction, to recover in spite of not because of them. Just trying to think of externally motivated reasons for not committing suicide.
I appreciate it, though I really am a narcissistic sociopath. It's a sort of mixed blessing. I don't really know.
Hold on there. See your doctor, ask him to change the medication. Give life a chance to get better. We all go through bad periods but then the sun shines. Sending you positive vibrations
Thank you, but the sun hasn't shone on me in a long time. I'd rather not rely on medication, I fear I might impulsively overdose on them and suffer the painful consequences.
I won't take a position on whether you should or shouldn't commit suicide; but you should make some provision for the dog - seems unfair that he/she should starve to death?
Of course I will. If I were to kill myself, I'd inform the police immediately before.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
11,105
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
Maybe. Perhaps I should explore this place a bit more.

Thanks, and I asbolutely agree, life is a constant struggle and has been since the beginning of puberty. In the last year I got much worse.
I have made my decision and am sticking to it. I've got myself mentally prepared for it and began writing my will. I broke the news to my best friend a while ago and he seems increasingly concerned, he mostly understands my position but I don't think he knows just how serious about this I am.
I have tried everything that I know would have a chance of making me happy, and while I did find happiness in these things they still didn't change anything

I appreciate it, though I really am a narcissistic sociopath. It's a sort of mixed blessing. I don't really know.

Thank you, but the sun hasn't shone on me in a long time. I'd rather not rely on medication, I fear I might impulsively overdose on them and suffer the painful consequences.

Of course I will. If I were to kill myself, I'd inform the police immediately before.
then they would turn up and quite rightly get you to a hospital

i do hope you choose to stay alive :hug:
 
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