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The end is near

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tahlbahntpalss

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
I have made the decision that I no longer wish to live. I no longer experience any joy in life, I have little academic achievements and no work experience, I am a manipulative narcissistic sociopath, and I have no real friends or family, except for my father. I have asked so many different people to justify why I shouldn't commit suicide and they all say the same thing: "It gets better". I am sick of hearing this phrase being uttered because it is neither true nor helps in any way, and I can say with utmost certainty that my life will never significantly change for the better. It is a baseless copy-pasted answer people tell you because they don't want to bear the responsibility of convincing someone not to commit suicide, which is perfectly understandable. It frustrates me to no end that I haven't been able to talk like this to anyone, to express my true feelings. It also frustrates me that I can't simply ask to be humanely euthanised and that I will inevitably have to take matters into my own hands. Please, someone convince me why I shouldn't commit suicide.
 
fazza

fazza

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 23, 2014
Messages
1,852
Location
U.K
Because the short answers (because I am typing this whilst in a traffic jam) you never know what is around the next corner.
We only get one ticket for this life, one ride of the roller coaster and it would be a damn shame to check out early with not knowing how the rest of the ride will be.

Sure there will be down times and it will feel shit but right around the next drop could be joy, happiness, and fulfillment.

I wish I could type more but the traffic is starting to move.

Don't do anything and if you are thinking that the end really is close please pick up the phone and call the emergency services for your country or visit the E/R or accident and emergency department.
You matter and don't ever think that you don't.
Hugs
Andy
 
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tahlbahntpalss

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
Because the short answers (because I am typing this whilst in a traffic jam) you never know what is around the next corner.
We only get one ticket for this life, one ride of the roller coaster and it would be a damn shame to check out early with not knowing how the rest of the ride will be.

Sure there will be down times and it will feel shit but right around the next drop could be joy, happiness, and fulfillment.

I wish I could type more but the traffic is starting to move.

Don't do anything and if you are thinking that the end really is close please pick up the phone and call the emergency services for your country or visit the E/R or accident and emergency department.
You matter and don't ever think that you don't.
Hugs
Andy
I appreciate the kind words, however like I said, I have already made the decision to go through with my suicide. I have already called the emergency services and several suicide prevention hotlines and they don't help. I would like to emphasise that I am in constant psychological and emotional pain and the decision I am making is the right one.
Again, I absolutely appreciate your answer, but it is essentially the same answer I always recieve. Please, stop telling me to reconsider - I won't without an exceptional reason.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
daffy

daffy

Well-known member
Moderator
Founding Member
Joined
Dec 16, 2007
Messages
6,920
Location
hiding behind the sofa
I think your crying out for help by posting on here. Do you think theres anything that can make you have a change of heart. Please get in touch with your crisis team or phone 111. If your under a MH team they will get the duty psych to speak to you or even come out to you
 
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PsychoPrince

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
141
Location
Indy
I have made the decision that I no longer wish to live. I no longer experience any joy in life, I have little academic achievements and no work experience, I am a manipulative narcissistic sociopath, and I have no real friends or family, except for my father. I have asked so many different people to justify why I shouldn't commit suicide and they all say the same thing: "It gets better". I am sick of hearing this phrase being uttered because it is neither true nor helps in any way, and I can say with utmost certainty that my life will never significantly change for the better. It is a baseless copy-pasted answer people tell you because they don't want to bear the responsibility of convincing someone not to commit suicide, which is perfectly understandable. It frustrates me to no end that I haven't been able to talk like this to anyone, to express my true feelings. It also frustrates me that I can't simply ask to be humanely euthanised and that I will inevitably have to take matters into my own hands. Please, someone convince me why I shouldn't commit suicide.
I have those thoughts from time to time. I too was a manipulative person at one point. I prefer not to go into details because I am fiercely ashamed. But the truth is it DOES get better. I stopped the manipulation tactics. I stopped attempting to justify the manipulation tactics. This all stopped about four years ago. Four years of doing my honest to God best and learning from my mistakes in a more honest way. You're never going to stop making mistakes and trouble is never going to stop coming. But for the last four years, I can do something I was previously unable to do: Say with honesty I am doing the best I can. Before I would just say I did my best to convince myself that's what I was doing. My manipulation backfired and I ended up manipulating myself as the result of the initial manipulation of others! That's the curse a true narcissist has to live with, and the fact that you are here seeking help tells me you are neither a sociopath nor narcissist, just like I found out about myself when I elected to just live honestly and put off the facade I would use to get what I wanted. Hopefully this gives you something you meditate on. Hang tough tahlbahnpalss, it WILL get better if you let it.
 
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tahlbahntpalss

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
I think your crying out for help by posting on here. Do you think theres anything that can make you have a change of heart. Please get in touch with your crisis team or phone 111. If your under a MH team they will get the duty psych to speak to you or even come out to you
Possibly, though I think I'm just posting here because I wanted to share feelings that I have never been able to share before. They're too extreme for most people to hear, as evidenced by the responses I have recieved. I have carefully considered my options and suicide is the only way forward. Sorry to say, but no amount of comforting responses will help me.
How long have you been feeling this way?
A very long time.
I have those thoughts from time to time. I too was a manipulative person at one point. I prefer not to go into details because I am fiercely ashamed. But the truth is it DOES get better. I stopped the manipulation tactics. I stopped attempting to justify the manipulation tactics. This all stopped about four years ago. Four years of doing my honest to God best and learning from my mistakes in a more honest way. You're never going to stop making mistakes and trouble is never going to stop coming. But for the last four years, I can do something I was previously unable to do: Say with honesty I am doing the best I can. Before I would just say I did my best to convince myself that's what I was doing. My manipulation backfired and I ended up manipulating myself as the result of the initial manipulation of others! That's the curse a true narcissist has to live with, and the fact that you are here seeking help tells me you are neither a sociopath nor narcissist, just like I found out about myself when I elected to just live honestly and put off the facade I would use to get what I wanted. Hopefully this gives you something you meditate on. Hang tough tahlbahnpalss, it WILL get better if you let it.
I appreciate the response. I'm sure our lives have many differences, mine enough to warrant the necessity of suicide. I have waited so patiently and yet it gets worse. Perhaps life gets better for some, but not for me.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
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May 6, 2017
Messages
1,589
Location
Sheffiield
You've joined us, now let us get to know you at least. Please tell us more about you.

This community has helped me and countless other people who've been through similar things to you and I dare say worse.

Personally I'm dealing with a voice in my head that is constantly ranting, whining, begging, screaming and singing me into madness and it's not likely to stop any time soon, I've been like this since I turned 36 nearly four years ago, before then I was a happy go lucky man with no history of mental illness. Life can change in ways you can never predict, but I keep hope that things might change again but for the better this time. Some voice hearers I've met here have been hearing them for 20+ years and they still carry on.

My friends (online and offline) and family keep me going, you say you don't have any friends, well I say you haven't met us yet, I know we're just words on a screen but we support one another.
 
voyager

voyager

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 24, 2013
Messages
5,282
Location
Parallel Universe
What’s stopping you from just going ahead and ending it now? It seems you aren’t an impulsive person at least!
 
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thisisnotmylife

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
49
Location
UK
maybe open up a little about it all will help, where it went wrong or whats happened? ive just lost everything in life and afew weeks ago was feeling the same as you. if I had a pill that would put me to sleep forever I would have taken it. you have to wait it out and then cling onto anything that comes your way with even the slightest hint of hope. killing yourself is not the answer and im going through hell everyday too so I want you to know that you are also not alone
 
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tahlbahntpalss

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
9
Location
United Kingdom
You've joined us, now let us get to know you at least. Please tell us more about you.

This community has helped me and countless other people who've been through similar things to you and I dare say worse.

Personally I'm dealing with a voice in my head that is constantly ranting, whining, begging, screaming and singing me into madness and it's not likely to stop any time soon, I've been like this since I turned 36 nearly four years ago, before then I was a happy go lucky man with no history of mental illness. Life can change in ways you can never predict, but I keep hope that things might change again but for the better this time. Some voice hearers I've met here have been hearing them for 20+ years and they still carry on.

My friends (online and offline) and family keep me going, you say you don't have any friends, well I say you haven't met us yet, I know we're just words on a screen but we support one another.
Personally I would rather not reveal too many details about myself, mainly because I really am such an uninteresting person that there aren't any interesting details to reveal, but also because I have a lot of private issues. Again, we might be in the same boat, but I just don't want to live any longer.
are you on medication? :hug:
I'm taking antidepressants but they don't seem to help.
What’s stopping you from just going ahead and ending it now? It seems you aren’t an impulsive person at least!
There really isn't much stopping me, only knowing my dad would be destroyed and my dog would starve to death. I'm waiting to see if he will come to realise that I am going to die and mentally prepare himself for it.
maybe open up a little about it all will help, where it went wrong or whats happened? ive just lost everything in life and afew weeks ago was feeling the same as you. if I had a pill that would put me to sleep forever I would have taken it. you have to wait it out and then cling onto anything that comes your way with even the slightest hint of hope. killing yourself is not the answer and im going through hell everyday too so I want you to know that you are also not alone
I offer my condolences for your loss. I'm sure you're going through much worse than me, but perhaps I'm just psychologically weaker. I have made the decision that suicide is the solution to my problems.
 
voyager

voyager

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 24, 2013
Messages
5,282
Location
Parallel Universe
Well you’ll just have to think about your poor dad and your dog then, I suppose they are a reason for you to stick around or maybe that’s why you haven’t already done it? I was suicidal for years and because of my son I didn’t kill my self and believe me it was agony. I’m glad I didn’t end it now.
 
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