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The Dark Within



Jun 19, 2017
The Dark Within

Rainy days... Dark days... Early evenings in the late Winter when the sun drops below the horizon at midday...

These are my days; they reflect the dark within me; they soothe my soul to it's core.

A young child, a loved child but a neglected child; a boy forgotten.

He feels both deep inside but is unaware; he dreams of emotions he can not fathom... nightmares he wakes from, but the same nightmare time after time.

Saturday mornings...bliss. Waking early, 8 years old, no one awake but him. Zoning out in front of the tv for 8 hours till his mom and her lover awake. He doesn't have to think. He doesn't have to experience anything but the pure bliss of shutting off his mind by letting the images on the screen wash over him and in his mind...the darkness clears. This is what will become his rainy day, his dark day, his early evening in the Winter.

A young man...full of the joy of young life, full of the energy of youth and the bright hope of each new day. Dreams, wants and desires, expectations of a life full of love and happiness. For a time the darkness subsides...

A girl. A first rush of love and excitement. He falls headlong into love, feeling and expecting that "This will make it all right with the world. This is what I have been waiting for to set my soul free! To bring me my everlasting happiness and joy. This will banish darkness from me."

Misery. The love fades. The love for the girl was so fleeting and so ephemeral... it slips easily away through the clutches of his hands. He tried so hard to hold onto it but like mist it was unable to be grasped.

He runs. Back into that first joy of youth and promise of eternal happiness. And for a time it is good... but deep down the darkness is rising. Ever-present, always a shadow in his mind.

He goes from love to love, all the while aging and his body starts to break down. Never fully grasping any of the joy and happiness he so desperately desires. Not by his own choosing. It's as if a force inside him simply won't let it Be. Failure at every turn.

Then he meets her. The One. She sets his soul on fire. He is enraptured by her beauty and by the strongest bonds of connection he's ever felt. His mind races, his heart truly beats for the first time, his only thought is possession, eternal bliss with this wonderful person, an end to the dark within.

She is his Succubus. He loves her so much, but she drains the very life from him. He tries everything in his power to save her from herself, but fails. She betrays him over and over again. Crushes his trust, tramples on his feelings and yet he loves her still. He is unable to feel any other way. Even after the most cruel of betrayals against his soul he forgives and can not let her go...but now she is another man's and he is alone again, alone with the darkness within.

Years have gone by now... she still remains in his heart... his body has aged even more and has broken down. He is but a husk of his former self... the one thing that remains is the dark. His one true companion. His never ending friend. The one always by his side, deep within him always ready to surface no matter how joyful or how sweet the occasion.

He knows that one day the darkness will become too strong, too powerful. He has beaten the dark back down so many times but the fight gets harder and more tiresome each time. One day all the bright spots in his life will have faded and there will be nothing left to fight for and the dark will become too strong and he will submit. He will have no choice for all his strength will be gone.

The eventuality is the same for each.

The dark takes us all...