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the cycle begins again

K

Kezbian3

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
15
Everyone has a yearly cycle, especially people who suffer with mental health.

At the moment I'm quite tired and hormonal so it probably isn't helping how I feel at the moment on top of some life changes I'm going through.

I live in a hostel and I'm soon to move out to my own flat which I am excited about but also very nervous and also have a job interview on Monday for a part time job as I don't want to be on benefits, I feel like I need some structure in my life, I want to be paying some of my own way and don't want to be sitting in a new flat moping about getting depressed.

I feel really alone right now, all I want is a hug and to be able to work and get on with my life, make my family prpud as I am better now and I don't want them worrying about me any more.

My paranoia is quite bad at the moment and voices are a little louder today but I don't listen to them.

Haven't got counselling till Feb and I'm so worried that everything's gonna mess up in the future, I'm gonna end up not being responsible with my money, losing my flat, ending up in debt, never being able to work and I feel like I'm not beneficial to anyone, I'm only a hassle for everyone.
 
Agatha

Agatha

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 31, 2014
Messages
129
Location
USA
You are not alone. Please don't be so hard on yourself. We all need to be our own best friends and be kind to ourselves in doing so. You are a very worthwhile human being. I wish you all the best.
 
K

Kezbian3

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
15
Thank you for the kind words. I will always have hope for my future but always am itch under my skin as I'm scared I know myself too well.
Had a cry and getting it off my chest helped and I do remember to tell myself tomorrows a new day.
Hopefully a good sleep will do me some good.
Thank you again.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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13,531
Location
The West Country
I just wanted to say that with certain changes like moving out and going for a job interview, I think it's natural to have doubts and worries.

I really admire you for making these steps. Even if in the worst case scenario you were to overwhelmed to cope with too much at once, at least you tried and there will always be the option of going on benefits again.
So try not to let your fear wreak havoc on your thoughts because things will be ok no matter what happens.

I hope that the counselling goes well - February might seem like a bit of a way off but i'm sure the time will fly by.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Nov 25, 2014
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Good luck with your interview!! I too agree with working as structure and a distraction but also necessary to pay my bills :( sometimes my my gets the better of me and I can't bring myself to go out.
You sound like you've got everything under control though :) Feb isn't far away now .
 
K

Kezbian3

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
15
Ive had a think about things over the weekend and I'm going to talk to my doctor. Ive cancelled the interview as I feel like everything's a bit too much right now so I'm going to go with volunteering where I can gain experience, nvq's and start off small. If I jump into things I might just set myself back rather then be building towards the future.
Thank you for replying, its good to know people are there even when you feel like you can't go to anyone.
 
K

Kezbian3

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
15
Ive got it together a lot better then I use to which is great, buti don't want to set myself up to fall back behind so I've decided to go for volunteering, start up small and gradually get to a point where I'm comfortable working and maybe feel like I can not feel terrible about work.
Structure is needed but pressure needs to be on a lower scale for people who struggle with themselves.
Thank you for replying, theres a lot of kind people that can be very supporting till my next counselling. So greatful for sites like this.
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

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Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,623
Yes small steps, don;t do anything too overwhelming, I think voluntary work is a great idea to structure your time. Good luck with it and keep on posting, you are most definitely not alone.

KS
xx
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Nov 25, 2014
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I work through an agency so i just commit what i want too each week, or how much i need to pay bills, and it works for me :)
 
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