Ok well i confess to being slightly 2 faced today and also i confess to making the wound on my hand so much worse. ive slapped on some medical stuff but it seems to be leaking still but the wound looks closed up.. its really weird. im not worried but i just wish it would bugger off!
i want to confess to my best friend, but i can't so i'll write it here even though she can't see it..
you are probably the most important person in my life. when you found out 2 years ago about my self-harming and eating, you went and told teachers and stopped being friends with me, you said you would be friends with me when i got sorted out because you felt pressured, so you went off with the rest of the group. I talked to pretty much no one for 3 months at school, my self-harming got worse and so did my ED, I tried to kill myself in those few months without you knowing. Eventually I managed to pretend I was okay, and now I never say anything negative to anyone because I'm too scared of losing them. I still have the ED and the self-harming is worse than it's ever been, but I tell you I'm great. You think we're back to normal and best friends and yeah you tell me your problems, but do I ever tell you about mine? I self-harmed really badly this morning, probably the worst in months, I got to Guildford this morning having thought the whole journey about telling you for once that I wasn't okay, but you came and said "top of tha mornin' to ya, y'arate?" so i said "oui oui mon petit amis". i never tell anyone anything, i'd like someone i know in real life to just know i'm not okay, i want to feel like i matter to someone. i wish i could talk to you, but you don't want anything to do with me unless you know (think) i'm happy.
I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I can empathise with your difficulty at telling a friend how miserable you actually feel, trying to find the right moment, but something always comes up that makes you put it off. I hope for now that you find some comfort knowing that there are people here that understand and are here to listen.