• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

The Burden of Obsession

TroubleinParadise

TroubleinParadise

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2018
Messages
187
Location
South Africa
Hey everyone,

I'd just like to share my experiences with you guys - I'm curious to hear your thoughts.

I find myself constantly on edge, in the sense that relaxation is an impossibility. If I am busy I am a lot more 'relaxed' in a sense. I never truly feel calm, and I find it hard to enjoy anything that isn't structure or organisational related.

I struggle to sit and watch a movie, read a book, practice an instrument or anything of the sort. Even studying is a mission. I find my brain to be on a constant organisational mission.

Any thoughts would be appreciated...

Thanks,
 
A

Aurelius

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
335
Having never 'outgrown' my ADHD and its impact (negative and positive) on my ASD, I can sympathise. I spent far too many years in pointless rumination and additional anxiety over this. When I was in my mid-thirties it was suggested to me that I needed to consider redefining my concept of relaxation - so now I accept that relaxation = "my brain to being either on a constant organisational mission or being filled with racing simultaneous strands of thinking that I cannot switch off". Not being relaxed is when either this starts to drive me mad or when others demand stillness.

I now recognise that, in my case, conforming to the physical and mental states that many others see as relaxing requires:

  • an iron will
  • acceptance that the stress will eventually become intolerable and lead to emotional and sensory overload
  • acknowledgement that there may be adverse impacts on my relationships, health and mental health


My psychotherapist used to remind me that "being relaxed is in a nutshell being at ease with who you are in the moment and this requires acceptance, especially of those parts of our lives and who we are that are most difficult to deal with".

I realise that this may be a more tortuous version of relaxation than you were hoping to hear about and I apologise for that. Maybe there will be other replies that will be more helpful and more hopeful. I hope so...
 
TroubleinParadise

TroubleinParadise

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 28, 2018
Messages
187
Location
South Africa
I appreciate your realism,

It makes sense. Unfortunately we all have our 'crosses' to bear.
 
J

Justbreath5

Member
Joined
Dec 26, 2018
Messages
6
Ive been feeling very similar recently. I often work 16 hours days and when im at work and busy I seem to be fairly fine most of the day. I am able to distract myself with Netflix and social media as well but when I am not doing anything and alone with my thoughts I find myself quite anxious and a little depressed. Im wondering f to much social media and all these distractions are having a negative impact on my MH. Maybe less is more
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
My psychotherapist used to remind me that "being relaxed is in a nutshell being at ease with who you are in the moment and this requires acceptance, especially of those parts of our lives and who we are that are most difficult to deal with".
That makes tonnes of sense. Thank you for sharing this.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I relate to this a lot. It feels like there's always some fear/worry, some doubt about myself, something to ruminate on, or some other mind hole to fall down in. It's like it's constantly playing in the background, sometimes just like muffled voices you can't pick single out, but together make a grey cloud of uncertainty and unease you just can't shake off. It's horrible.
 
O

OddyUmi

Guest
Hi

OCD and Adult ADHD that's what it comes out to be.

I completely understand how you feel. I'm constantly talking to myself out loud or in my head uncontrollably.

It's hard to focus because I will drift off and start pondering. Obsessive thinker.

And trying to sleep is difficult too. Talk talk talking. Either I wear myself out and fall asleep (like reading myself a bedtime story), take my sleeping pills, or get up and do something to distract myself from my thoughts since I can't sleep atm, which works solemnly.

Mediation is impossible I think for me, but possible.

I try to quiet myself, but I never been quiet. Always thinking/talking. Heck, even our mind is still active when asleep LoL.

People's inner voice is either always talking, occasionally talking, not talking.

Things you could do to try to reduce the inner noise:

-Keep active (tired yourself out) until bedtime.

-Schedule a reflection time for your thoughts and planning.

-Pray.

-Relaxation music.

What a bad habit right? Depends on how you use LoL.
 
A

Aurelius

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
335
OCD and Adult ADHD that's what it comes out to be.

I completely understand how you feel. I'm constantly talking to myself out loud or in my head uncontrollably.

It's hard to focus because I will drift off and start pondering. Obsessive thinker.

And trying to sleep is difficult too. Talk talk talking. Either I wear myself out and fall asleep (like reading myself a bedtime story), take my sleeping pills, or get up and do something to distract myself from my thoughts since I can't sleep atm, which works solemnly.

Mediation is impossible I think for me, but possible.

I try to quiet myself, but I never been quiet. Always thinking/talking. Heck, even our mind is still active when asleep LoL.

People's inner voice is either always talking, occasionally talking, not talking.

Things you could do to try to reduce the inner noise:

-Keep active (tired yourself out) until bedtime.

-Schedule a reflection time for your thoughts and planning.

-Pray.

-Relaxation music.

What a bad habit right? Depends on how you use LoL.
OddyUmi thank you. That is how it is 24/7 every day of the lifetime - never any respite apart from a change in intensity when despair darkens the landscape or psychosis adds madness to the deluge of voices and the faces who come to join them.
 
O

OddyUmi

Guest
Hi. That's deep and you're...

welcome. Yes it is a 24/7 concern of non stop talking for me and a problem for others.

My take has body, mind, soul/spiritual matters as to why I become more of an OCDness, ADHDer, Depressionist, Deludednier, Anxietytic, and Hallucinationee.

It's scary real.

Just know you're not alone and don't let the hardship of these fallen world break you, but make you more ready for more battles until end, and a choice you won't regret. I'm here if you need for the moment to talk. GL GB BS!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Top