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The Battles in my mind (insert trigger warning here)

Marrex

Marrex

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
138
Location
Oklahoma City
Well, today has been annoying, to say the least. I woke up with the same agonizing throbbing in my ear as yesterday... At least I'm getting used to it, I think. The muscle spasms in my left temple are increasing in both intensity and frequency. Behind the ear that hurts feels... Scaly. When I looked this up, that seemed to possibly indicate cancer. I should've known better than to look up symptoms, because the anxiety soon followed. I can't die... Not yet, anyhow. I have no issue with dying, in fact I would like to, as I hate my life and the world I live in. Still, there are people that I love that still need me. As much as I hate to say this, because it feels like a prison sentence, I am essential to my family at the moment, what with my dad currently dying and all.

Once he's gone... Well, even then my mother and brother shouldn't have to deal with a double-loss. I can't die... I just have to keep telling myself that. This, however, does not take away the fact that I am a selfish piece of garbage at the end of the day. The thought of suicide invades my every thought by the end of every day, and I fear that soon my desires will overtake my duties.

Just... I need people to talk to. But I have one true friend, one who has been growing more and more distant as of late and I feel as though even she is starting to get tired of my constant ill mood. True or not, we barely talk these days, and sometimes she just doesn't respond outright. I get the distinct feeling that I'm just poisonous to anyone who gets too close to me. Such musings need to end. I grow weary of typing. I hope everyone has a good night/day whatever time it is for you all.
 
J

JeanPierre

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Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
1,936
Location
Southern USA
There is an excellent chance you are clenching your jaw, due to all the stress you are under, and
causing muscle spasms in your jaw and temple area.
Consciously keep your jaw relaxed; it should help.
Ice or heat the area. Take ibuprofen for a few days.
I'm so sorry your Dad is dying.
Hope this helps.
*i promise you are not dying. You are under extreme stress.
Talk to us here. Best luck Marrex.
 
kimidare

kimidare

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 2, 2021
Messages
155
Location
France
You could see a doctor to be reassured about your health.

You can send me messages if you want, my friend/confident is also more distant with me, so we are in the same boat lol.
I have the same feeling, that I ruined other's life by talking to them about my struggles. So I try to don t talk about it except on this forum.
 
Marrex

Marrex

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
138
Location
Oklahoma City
Thank you both.

@JeanPierre You were right, as I started to pay more attention to it after you brought it up, my jaw is always tense. I was already taking ibuprofen for my ear pain, so I'm good there. :p

@kimidare Thank you. I will try to take you up on that, being someone to talk to, I'm just severely stubborn and tend to avoid doing what I perceive as burdening others with my issues, even if it's not true. Also, it's not that I feel like I ruin people by talking about my struggles, I just see myself as a bad person, like a 'poisonous frog' metaphorically speaking. lol
 
J

JeanPierre

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Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
1,936
Location
Southern USA
Thank you both.

@JeanPierre You were right, as I started to pay more attention to it after you brought it up, my jaw is always tense. I was already taking ibuprofen for my ear pain, so I'm good there. :p

@kimidare Thank you. I will try to take you up on that, being someone to talk to, I'm just severely stubborn and tend to avoid doing what I perceive as burdening others with my issues, even if it's not true. Also, it's not that I feel like I ruin people by talking about my struggles, I just see myself as a bad person, like a 'poisonous frog' metaphorically speaking. lol
I know what you mean but
Nobody here thinks that.
Be safe.✌
 
J

J McFly

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2021
Messages
16
Location
Alaska
I do want to ask: have you seen a doctor about your ear pain? I don't know your circumstances or access to medical care.

Personally, I have a very difficult time going to a doctor. I can talk myself out of it, over and over again. And, I do!

But, there are things that can greatly help BOTH ear pain and jaw clenching problems. I have experience with jaw clenching and grinding. Major experience. Just coping with it and waiting for it to go away can cause serious problems. And, even if you stop clenching, you'll still want to have you're teeth checked. I finally quit clentching and grinding my teeth but never dealt with the damage... My teeth are shot! I'll refrain from explaining, in detail, what happens to your teeth from over clentching and/or grinding.

Like I said, I don't know your situation but, if you have access to either, see your doctor or dentist. If nothing else, they can give you something to protect your teeth.

This may seem like a dumb question... What came first, the earache our the jaw clentching?
 
Marrex

Marrex

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 17, 2021
Messages
138
Location
Oklahoma City
I do want to ask: have you seen a doctor about your ear pain? I don't know your circumstances or access to medical care.

Personally, I have a very difficult time going to a doctor. I can talk myself out of it, over and over again. And, I do!

But, there are things that can greatly help BOTH ear pain and jaw clenching problems. I have experience with jaw clenching and grinding. Major experience. Just coping with it and waiting for it to go away can cause serious problems. And, even if you stop clenching, you'll still want to have you're teeth checked. I finally quit clentching and grinding my teeth but never dealt with the damage... My teeth are shot! I'll refrain from explaining, in detail, what happens to your teeth from over clentching and/or grinding.

Like I said, I don't know your situation but, if you have access to either, see your doctor or dentist. If nothing else, they can give you something to protect your teeth.

This may seem like a dumb question... What came first, the earache our the jaw clentching?
The ear pain is a relatively new phenomena but I have no insurance at the moment (working on medicaid) No worries about the teeth grinding part and whatever you left out, as that ship sailed long ago for me. I have dentures now, as a result of poor self-care growing up. lolol

I think the jaw clenching and muscle spasm came before the ear pain, but it really intensify until after the ear pain. Thank you for your response, by the way. :)
 
J

J McFly

Member
Joined
Feb 23, 2021
Messages
16
Location
Alaska
Oh good! Dental infections can cause major health problems, some similar to things you described. Honestly, I look forward to the day when I can afford to have the work done to get dentures.

It can be some amount of impossible for many people to get, keep, and utilize quality insurance. The medicaid system has flaws and cracks people fall through. And, sadly, people with major mental and emotional issues may hide their problems due to fear, shame, ignorance, hopelessness, or more.

And, thank you for responding.
 

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