I can understand some of it, I have health anxiety and have gone to the ER countless times for silly reasons.
You fear death, but you wish for it now... I think you'd rather have this situation to end, to keep living but without this worry- which I'm sure is life draining. And believe me it's very much possible. But correct me if I'm wrong of course. Do you have someone to talk to, like a therapist or someone close to you?
As I view death, I don't fear it much because once it has come, it means I have fulfilled my purpose, which was simply to live. It's hard to explain, but before dying you have to live, get it? Have you lived?
There are multiple ways out, whether you can see them right now or can't. Live through one day at a time for now- and read what user Lord Burt suggested you, literature and art in general give you a good life battery.