• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Testimony - A rather fast recovery from anorexia

T

tonyio

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2020
Messages
4
Location
France
Hello everyone

I will turn 22 years old this year. I have other problems, but anorexia is not one of them anymore.
I want to tell you my story, and I hope it will help you.

This story is composed of 7 parts:
1. the situation, written in the 3rd person. I called myself tony but it's not my real name (it's almost my real name though)
2. When I was 15
3. 1st time I got to the hospital.
4. I got transferred to another hospital
5. I got back home
6. We went on holiday
7. end of the story
8. conclusion

The story is rather long and stuffed with anecdotes. I hope it's not stuffed with grammar mistakes, English is not my mother tongue at all! (I proofread it though)

___

Make Tony's acquaintance. Tony has one twin brother and a little sister, along with a father and a mother.

Part 1: situation
To situate the story, they have moved house because the twin brothers were bullied in their schools when they were 11 years old. Indeed, Tony scratched his own private parts without knowing the sexual interpretation of doing this. In the school he was, it's enough to ruin his year.
Because of the house move, his mother was depressed, but they eventually moved house, as planned, and it was probably the best choice to make.
However, the Tony's first year in his new school was just like the year before, because he did the same as he had done the year before.
He eventually made friends the following year, as well as playing too much videogames (everytime), that during one year.
The following year (equivalent to the freshman year), he studied quite much to catch up and did well in the exams.
During this period, his father began to work out. However, working on the new house (which needed to be renovated from the bottom to the top) and his job damaged his arm tendons and he underwent several surgeries. During that time, he disappeared from the life of his sons and daughter, by living in the basement.
 
T

tonyio

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2020
Messages
4
Location
France
Part 2: when tony was 15
Ever since Tony was on the verge of being a teenager, he was afraid of growing up and afraid of what his body was becoming. He didn't like either his face, or his body. He was not overweight, but he was not fit.
Tony wanted desperately to start to working out with weights just like his father (who started two year before). However, his doctor refused because he had a slight scoliosis. Funny fact, another doctor accepted without a moment's hesitation because she thought it can help him to have stronger muscles in his back and to "cure" his scoliosis.
Tony began to work out using the Lafay method (which only requires to perform bodyweight exercises).
---- Ok from now I write using the 1st person because it's more appropriate. I'm Tony!
Meanwhile, I was doing terribly great in school, by working really hard.


Then my father noticed that I was doing too much working out: literally everyday.
He decided to buy me a an exercise bench and some weights to encourage me to work out less but better.

From the very beginning of my childhood, I had always been thinner than my brother, expect since I was around 15. A day, my family and me visited my grandmother at the hospital, and I met my cousin's father. Trying to find how telling the difference between me and my twin, she told us genuinely that I was the fatter. As always, I didn't show that this comment hurt me a lot.
From this reason and some other ones, I decided to lose weight. It was an easy task since I was working out. I started to slim down, by reducing what I ate and working out hard.
However, it was never enough. I couldn't see my abdominals enough, I thought I wasn't fit enough.
At that moment, I started to drive my brother to the same willing of losing weight.
It was around January.
Then, during 4 full months, I wasn't eating much, and working out. My marks were outstanding (I had the best marks in mathematics).
Since we were used to eat alone in our bedroom, my mother didn't notice it, until May.
Then, she talked about that with my father and called a dietician. However, she was not competent enough to talk to me out of this, even if it was enough for my brother.
Because of eating that little, I was tired and not careful. A day, while I was biking to school with my brother, I fell down and broke one of my tooth, and cracked another one. My father picked me up and brought me to the hospital. I had been weighed, and the nurse said that I was too skinny. Moreover, since I was used to do sports, my heart beated pretty slowly.
After having seen some dentists, one was able to reconstitute my tooth with some sort of ciment.
After that, I needed different surgeries to devitalise the teeth, and prevent them from infecting (spanned within ~5 years). By the way, my insurance refused to reimburse the costs of the surgeries because they wanted me to get a full prothesis, while my dentist said it was a really bad idea because my mouth was going to change, since I was still a teen.

Since my parents started to check what I was eating, I started to hide food in plastic bags. My parents weren't prepared for this, and obviously, grounding or telling off anorexic people it's not the good way to prevent them from developing anorexia, it makes things even worse. They didn't reflect at that time on why I was doing that. They just thought about the fact that I was doing something wrong for me.
Then, I started to shoplift cereal bars. So ironic, isn't it? I didn't even eat them. However, I was caught red-handed. The store called my parents. When I got home, my mother and my father yelled at me. I guess they were right. On the very evening, I started to make a cake with the cereal bars and eat some of them, I was very stressed-out. During the diner, I was eating with my mother, my brother and my sister. I started to cry and rushed up to my bedroom. My mother went straight to my bedroom and we started to discuss about what was going on. Then my father joined us. Basically, I promised that I was going to start to eat normally, but I wasn't ready for this.
I went to see a doctor with my father, I had been weighed, measured and so on, and f course I was too stkinny and needed to gain weigh.
Once, we went to a chinese restaurant and I ate a lot as I was used to do so when going to a chinese restaurant. My parents were happy, they thought: that was it, I was cured.
The very next morning, I worked out in order to try to burn calories and I didn't eat breakfast. My parents were angry at me, and compared me to my brother, who ate a breakfast even if he had eaten a lot the evening before. Of course, there were no point in comparing me to my brother.
My parents forbad me to work out. Since I wanted to, I was often hiding in the toilets, and doing a lot of push-ups and sit-ups. However, my mother empathised with me and brought me to the pool. I took advantage of the situation to try to burn more calories by swimming a lot.
I did notice that wasn't as strong as I imagined, even if I was doing a lot of sports. A day, my mother and I were biking, and I told here that I wanted to go back to the house alone because she was too slow (she bikes very slowly). Then, I biked as fast as I can, and within 10 seconds I arrived at the house, my mom arrived, and she didn't even try to bike fast. I was so weak.
 
T

tonyio

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2020
Messages
4
Location
France
Part 3: 1st hospital

Finally, my father brought me to see my doctor once again, but the doctor told my parents to bring me to the hospital, because she saw I was losing weight everytime I saw her.
Hopefully, I had completed my school year before going to the hospital.
I went to the hospital, which decided to keep me from my home. I was put in the department of people under 16. There were young people who underwent an operation, runaway teens, and so on. Of course, I went on hiding my breakfast foodral ways:
- I threw it away in the bin which was in the food trolley they used to bring us the meat in our bedrooms. Indeed, they let it unattended in the hallway.
- I also hid it in my poeckets and then trow it away in the toilets.
During the lunch, we ate together with all the students and animators. I didn't eat much in front of them. Once, agirl teen asked me : "why did you not eat?" I think I replied that I didn't want to. Actually, first I didn't want to put on weight, and secondly I didn't want my parents, or the hospital manager to "win", to make me eat. They didn't deserve this victory. I was also doing sports in my bedroom, because even if there were 2 beds, I was alone. I was able to call my parents once a day. Once, a spanish teacher went to give me a spanish lesson. I was so tired of working out and eating almost nothing that I wasn't able to focus. My parents were able to visit me, as well as my sister and brother. They bought me some stuff (I think, a laptop, some books) so that I didn't get bored.
I was weighed every 3 days, and the evolution of my weight proved that I wasn't eating correctly. The manager of the department summoned my parents and explained that if I don't make any efforts, they will set tube in my noise to feed me. She thought that frightening me would make me break free from this disease, as if it was only my fault.
Some day after, one of the girl run away. The leaders told us to talk to them if we had any information about the escape. Since the hospital leader was threatening me to set this tube in my noise, I thought it was a great idea to run away as well. However, I thought there were nowhere to go, but it would be better than in the hopsital. However, when I tried, the doors were closed (they obviously closed them). So I give up on that idea.

Some day after, A teen got to the bed next to me in my bedroom. He was resting for several days after having undergo a surgery. It didn't prevent me from doing push-ups and sit-ups, and I asked him not to tell anyone.
The day before I was supposed to get the tube in my noise, while the other boy was in my bedroom, I pour in a glass of hospital solution and then drunk it. I didn't want to commit suicide (there were a couple of times I thought about committing suicide but I always had hope things would get better).
I did that because I thought it will deter them from puting this tube in my noise. I told us I tried to commit suicide and faked that it was burning my stomach, but they knew there were NO risk for me to die because of that. They put the other teen in another bedroom in order not to traumatize him. I was crying but this was not fake.
The day after, 4 or 5 nurses or doctors come to put this tube in my noise, but I struggled as much as I could, and spitted on them when they were holding my arms. They then renounced, and the leader forbad me to call my parents. However, I told theanurse that I can call my parents, but they knew I was forbidden to do so. I even tried to sneak in and call them but I got caught.
In fact, I thought that the hospital was mean and were trying to do that without my parents knowing. That was completely false. My parents had given their agreements for the tube to be put in my nose.
Eventually, the manager threatened me to put me in another hospital in which I'll have this tube in my noise, and she told me this hospital was evil. I even had nightmare of such an hospital, in which I was chained in my bed, always watched, and was only able to cry. The manager didn't get it: she didn't get that frightening me only made me sadder than I was already, but it didn't help me out.
I stayed roughly 2 weeks in this hospital, and they decided to transfer me into another one, specialised in anorexia. Since I would turn 16 the week after, this hospital accepted to take me up. I was scared because of what the manager told me about the hospital during the transfer, I was yelling, crying, all the teens were looking at me. They brought me in an ambulance, and I was scratching and biting my lips hard enough to draw blood. Just because the manager frightened me and I wasn't strong enough to understand that she was trying to frighten me.
I finally got asleep.
 
T

tonyio

New member
Joined
Apr 3, 2020
Messages
4
Location
France
Part 4: 2nd hospital

When I got to the new hospital (funny fact, the ambulance was heading to another location and lost 1 hour), I saw hope. I believed that I was able to overcome my disease. People were benevolent, and ready to help me.
I was alone in my bedroom, in a very isolated room. I couldn't help doing some push-ups and sit-ups, but I was ready to try hard to get out of my vicious circle.
Since they almost caught me doing sports, they transfered me the same day in another bedroom in which I would be more easily watched.
I think my father lost hope at this point, but Rome wasn't built in a day.
Then, a nutrition specialist got into my bedroom to plan my re-nutrinition. When she asked me what I wanted, I frankly said "I want to eat the most I can". And she replied "no, you have to start to eat normally gradually, not in one go". What a big mistake! When I heard that, I thought: I can go on eating less and less, that's exactly what I want. That's it, I was ready to worsen my case.
Al my bad habbits came back. I exercised in the toilets, behind my bedrooms, ... However, I made friend with a nurse and even made a postcard with photoshop to her because she were going on holiday (I still have it). My father visited me sometimes, and when we were walking together, I was unable to walk normally (I was losing my balence at every step).
One day, my mom brought me a letter that explained that I have been accepted in the special class I wanted to be in. It's a class in which we study engineering stuff, and it's usually hard to get in because there are far more candidates than posts. She told me that I should get better soon if I want to be in this class, but I told her I didn't care.
On my 16th birthday, my mother and father visited me and my mother brought the big cake. It was a desperate attempt to get me out of the disease. O fourse, I refused to take a part, saying that they were forbidden to bring food (which was true). My father didn't support the fact that my mother brought this cake.
I was trying to hide food as much as I can. I was used to throw fruits out of the window. Actually, I do remember that they gave me roughly 7 abricots and I've never eaten so many abricots in one meat ^^. Anyway.
There was a sheet in my bedroom in which they were used to write what I managed to eat for every meal, and it was written that I ate all my meal, which was definitely false.
I kept lying to my psychologist. When the hospital manager told me that I have done great efforts, and I was ready to quit the hospital, I said that I would prefer to stay longer. Actually, I was quite happy here, I could do wathever I wanted without being caught.
My parents were really disappointed. Then, my situation started to deteriorate. First, the hospital team started to see that I was only losing weight. Then, one of the nurse noticed the food I threw away, so she sealed the windows off. Once, my parents and siblings went to see me and I was so tired that I sleep in front of them. My heart was beating so slow that the monitoring device was ringing during the night, but I was so tired that I couldn't hear it. Since I was doing exercise I started to develop bedsores in my back. Once, while the hospital brought me to analyse my heart (they brought me in a wheelchair while I wanted to walk), leave me alone in the waiting, I first discussed with a very sympathetic old man, and when he was gone, I went to the toilet and did push-ups and sit-ups. When the nurse see I wasn't here in my wheelchair, she started to panic, but I don't remember how, she knew I was in the toilet and started to knock on the door, and tell me off.
My parents were granted to look after me during one day, from midday to the evening. First, during the meal, I tried to hide food by pretending to cough in a handkerchief but my father caught me. Then, I turned them down when they asked whether I wanted to watch a movie with them. Instead, I went to the bedroom of my sister and started to speak with there. Then, I started to do exercises in front of her but my father came into the bedroom to check on me. When he saw me doing this, he slapped me. Then, he brought me in my bedroom and order me to undress and took pictures to show me how skinny I was. He told me that my legs looked like sticks, and started to cry. He asked me whether I realized that I was skinny in the pictures, I told him that I agreed, but I lied. Then, he brought me to the hospital and explained what I had done. I was deepily angry, not sad, mainly angry.
My father stopped visiting me, he only dropped my mother off at the hospital.
Then, they forbad me to go to the toilet and brought me an ustensil in which I was supposed to urinate. There were even a nurse which was outside my bedroom to watch all my movements.

Another day, the psychologist invited me to join the activity session with the other ill people. I did and I hated that first five minutes. I couldn't think I was like these anorexic people. I asked to come back to my bedroom, but then I sneaked into another bedroom and started to do exercise However, I heard a nurse coming. I could have pretend I couldn't find my bedroom but I was too weak to think properly. Instead, I hid below a bedroom but the nurse saw me and of course told me off.
I was still Exercising before taking a shower and I'm sure they knew it, but what could they do?
Then, since I was still losing weigh, they added to my meal a calorific drink. Once, trying to get rid of it, I pourred half of it in the drawer of my table.
One day, I ate half of my meat because the other half was basically bones and fat. The nurse wrote that I ate half of my meat. I started to complain, and since then, I started not to eat my meal without hiding.
My mother told me that they had to pay my stay in the hospital, and they were already charged about several thousand euros. Upon hearing that, I told my psychologist that I was really sad because I was burden for my parents because I was really exemple. To be honest, I didn't really care and I was complaining to be a drama queen. However, a week after, my (state-run) health insurance accepted to reimburse all the cost for 1 year!
One day, I got to bed very early because I was exhausted. During the night, I waked up because I needed to urinate. I went to the edge of my bedroom to pee but the nurse who was watching me all the time saw me and required that I do so in my bed with the ustensil. I began to do so but I urinated too much and it started to overflow. (because the ustensil was rather horizontal in the bed. The nurse called other people for the bed to get changed and a nurse told me : "don't worry, it happens sometimes to urinate in the bed". I understood that the first nurse had probably lied. I was so furious and I guess I'm still so ^^.

Part 5: back home

Then, the hospital wanted to transfer me in another one, which was specialized to young anorexic people. When my parents heard that, they wanted me back. The asked to get me back home but the hospital advised them against doing so. However, they insisted, and I finally got back home. However, I visited the new hospital. To be honest, when I visited the bedroom I could have had, I imediatly thought about where I could do push-ups and sit-ups without being caught.
Then, I met a psychiatrist in this hospital. She was a wonderful woman which was really discerning. She told my father that I was so weak that I wasn't able to think properly. I was thinking like a child. If you read back what previously happened, it does make really sense: I was thinking like a child, not a teen. My acts were stupid because I didn't eat enough and then didn't have enough energy for my brain to be able to think. She prescribed me anxiolytic. Actually, my father took a lot of them during that period of time.
By the way, I do remember that once, a girl bonged into the bay window when I was waiting in the waiting room, that was kinda funny.

The first day I got home, I was really happy but I do remember that my mother didn't welcome me. She was really angry for no reason. My father implemented strict rules.
- I had to sleep with him
- when I go to the toilet, I must not flush to show that I went to the toilet not to do sports.
- they wanted me to drink the energetic drink.
My brother and sister weren't supportive and complain that every time I spoke, my parents stopped to hear me as if I was a king. During the time I wasn't at home, my brother and sister got really close so that it was rather hard for me to play with them.
However, my mother got used to walk with me in the wood, and we discussed a lot. I do remember that once, I woman saw me walking with my mom, and looking at me with compassion, as if I was in the end stage of cancer.

I was used to to slice my fruit and then mix it with my plain yoghurt. However, one day, my father refused that I do so, telling me that if I wanted such a yoghust, I could take one already like that. In fact, they accused me of pull out as much juice as I can, which was kinda true. Then, I took a peach and bit it as much as I could, until I broke the prothesis of my broken tooth. My father yelled, at me that I did so on purpose, but I didn't think about it when doing so. My parents had to bring me to the dentist to fix it.
Once, while my parents wanted me to drink the energetic drink, I started to drink it and started to cry and then I refused to drink the remaining half, while crying. To be honest, I just got the impression to be force-feed, stuffed, which made me really uncomfortable.
Once, I was really mad at my parents, I threatened them to call my aunt. I know that my parents are rather careful of how other see them. Since they didn't think I would be able to do so, I decided to send her a SMS, and she turned up very fast, and hugged me strongly, crying. It was really emotive.


Part 6: going on holiday

Then, My parents decided to bring me on holiday, in Portugal, as we always do usually. My mother family still lives in Portugal. My psychastrist was really enthusiastic and thought it was a wonderful idea. So we did.
During the journey, my father got mad at me because I refused to take 2 slices of cheese : I only wanted to take one. I told him that only one was required, but he told me that I wasn't making any efforts, and that I should eat more. I eventually accepted to take one more slice, and he was quite proud.
Before arriving at my grandmother's home in Portugal, my mother told her family to behave as if I was normal, but upon us arriving, she definitely behave as if I was ill. I'm sincere when I say that they congratulate me everytime I was eating something, especially when it was glass or cakes.
I find some common ground with my parents. My mother understood that I didn't want to drink the energetic drink because I wanted to enjoy the food I eat, and not to put on kilos with a fruited drink. They told me that I had to finish what they had have already bought but then, I could eat whatever I wanted. I started to eat big sandwitches with chorizo and so on every night.
We also went to a place where my dad had went to and tossed a coin in a fontain there, praying to find a spouse (it somehow worked ^^). This place means a lot to him, and I literally hugged when we got there, to thank him for bringing us here. I do remember that I told him that we don't hug enough, because they still make fun of me for having said that :D
Even if I ate well, I was going on doing sports in the toilets and in my bedroom. My father caught me once, but he understood that I wasn't doing this to lose weight. I just wanted to do sports because I like sports, and I want to have a nice body. He told me he does not want me to hide anymore.

Part 7: end of the story
Finally, we got back home and I was ready for the new school year. My parents accepted that I get back to working out, we've never told my doctor about that.
I got to see a psychologist but I quite hated that because she was trying the find the problem that had brought about my anorexy. She was right to do so but I didn't like that. I literally related to my parents what I talked about with her after every session. I stopped going to the psychologist rather soon.
I needed 2 year to eat ocasionally cakes and 5 years to eat it without thinking about putting on weight.

Part 8: conclusion
If I have to conclude what is the reason I developed anorexia, I would say that I needed attentions. I also wanted to lose weight and to have a better body. I wanted to be fitter than my brother and I wanted my father to care about me.
To be honest, thanks to anorexia, I got all of that. I can't regret having developed this disease. Of course, I do have a lot of memories of what happened during this period, which shows that I have been "traumatized". However, I guess I'm stronger now.

I hope this story will help you, whoever you are.

Have a very nice day
 
Last edited by a moderator:
G

goodgollymiss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
698
Hugs. Please eat. We all need you to work and support the world
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
P Wife losing weight fast *Trigger Warning* Eating Disorders Forum 11

Similar threads

Top