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Terrified that I am losing my mind

A

Anxious Mama

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Mar 7, 2017
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Hello everyone. I am not doing so good at the moment, and feel like I might be losing it. Long story short...I had a health scare and a major surgery two years ago, began experiencing crippling anxiety and panic attacks, then depersonalization and derealization, then ocd thinking, and eventually depression is where I'm at currently. I have normal days, but most of the time I feel like I will die any second or I will go crazy. Both scenarios terrify me. I have two small children and cannot imagine something happening to me and them having to grow up without a mother...actually that fear is what started all of this in the first place. The surgery that I had was to remove a tumor we thought might be cancerous. It was not, thank God, but that experience got me focusing a little too much on life and my own mortality. All this has lead to me having feelings of hopelessness and trying to figure out the point of life if we all die in the end. I just can't get it out of my head. And it is severely depressing me and making me question my sanity. The feelings of unreality just add to it and make it unbearable. The only thing that keeps me going are my babies. I have been having what I think are suicidal thoughts...I'm not sure...It's more like I am terrified at the thought of me going crazy or getting so depressed that I would do it...and the irony is that I am terrified to die..It's my greatest fear and the root of all of my anxiety...I don't know what's happening to me..please help
 
daffy

daffy

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Hi there and welcome. There will be more people on here that can help you also. You've been thru a very traumatic time and it's bound to have had an effect. Did you have any counselling after your op, because even tho it not canacerous was still a very big shock to your system till you got the results. Have you thought of contacting McMillan to see if they can put you in touch wit,h someone. I think you will find them based at most hospitals

Also. Are you getting any care under the MH team or are you just under your GP. Either way I would suggest you get in touch with one of themes I think it's important you speak to someon about your worries Your family are obviously very important to you being honest with your partner would probably help. They will probably be a bit shocked and upset to find you are having these thoughts and feelings. But I can tell you from my own experience it does help to talk

All the best to you and I hope you get the help you need ��
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
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17,161
Hi

sounds like you have some Suicidal Ideation going on, just because you think about suicide doesn't mean you do it.

take a deep breath.

Suicidal Ideation can be caused by many things but mostly depression, you could be suffering this so please get to your GP for some help, they are usually the best place to start, you could also call some parent help lines, whatever is available.

don't worry, its your brain chemistry playing tricks on you. You feel like you're going mad because your brain is being flooded with stuff out of whack.

the best short term thing to do to cope is exercise, get walking or something on youtube. I know it seems overwhelming but just moving will do a lot to calm things down.

Youre not losing your mind, if you were youd be happily eating bugs not turning to this forum. Youre just going through a hard time atm.
 
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