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Terrified of being outside

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TearyEyedx

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
141
Location
United Kingdom
Hi TearyEyedx, I have anxiety, stress possibly PTSD, according to one councillor. Was bullied by 5 neighbours for over 3 years, this killed the once outgoing person I was, happened slowly but in the end I was left the cowering mess I am today. Like you I hate being outside, people, noise, anything or anywhere that makes me feel intimidated, which is pretty much everywhere. I live my life in the dark, sleep during the day, wait for everyone to go to bed then the night is mine, I sit outside if it's dry, I call it moon bathing, watch the sun come up, then hide from the world again. Was in hospital for over 8 weeks, they tried various meds, all made me sleepy even the ones they said wouldn't, couldn't function, even making a drink was extremely difficult, nor could I drive, so I stopped taking them. Driving is an escape for me, middle of the night doors all locked, thankfully local supermarket have automotive 24 hour petrol pumps! You are not alone, I have lived this way for 6 years now, was getting a bit more confident, then recently another neighbour spotted me outside late one day and bullied me, why? I had done nothing, I feel like I'm the neighbourhood kicking ball. I pray for rain so people stay indoors, love the cold dark winter months as there's very few people around. There is hope, it's just going to take time for me to heal, to become strong enough to slowly face daylight. Baby steps as they say. Not going to let that neighbour stop me from eventually having some type of life in the sun. Take care and know that you are not alone, there are many like us. Sending bug hugs, we can get through this XxX
I’m sorry you have been bullied, it’s one the things that I’ll never get over either, I dread going out and running into them. I get so depressed when I hear about them getting married or having kids and here I am suffering because of what they did to me. I don’t want to hate them, I want to be able to forgive and forget like my family says but they didn’t live through it. I was so happy and naive when I went into secondary school, now they all seem to be around me, I dream about it, one of the bullies actually lived across from me at one point😩but I had to keep going. There are many times I wanted to give up but I always say things will get better someday, the slightest startling noise will make me jump and I’ll want to burst into tears. I never ever take the bus because I was bullied there but for some reason I love planes 😂I associated buses with being trapped and remembered having two pence coins thrown at me, and them thinking that was a good idea! 😩 I spent four years of my life at that school and I can only remember three times that I was shown kindness from others.
 
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TearyEyedx

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
141
Location
United Kingdom
nah don’t feel guilty, it’s nothing xoxo
And I’m doing okay even though I have to go out at four and I’m already starting to get scared @ColdandAlone
 
ColdandAlone

ColdandAlone

Member
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
16
Location
UK
I’m sorry you have been bullied, it’s one the things that I’ll never get over either, I dread going out and running into them. I get so depressed when I hear about them getting married or having kids and here I am suffering because of what they did to me. I don’t want to hate them, I want to be able to forgive and forget like my family says but they didn’t live through it. I was so happy and naive when I went into secondary school, now they all seem to be around me, I dream about it, one of the bullies actually lived across from me at one point😩but I had to keep going. There are many times I wanted to give up but I always say things will get better someday, the slightest startling noise will make me jump and I’ll want to burst into tears. I never ever take the bus because I was bullied there but for some reason I love planes 😂I associated buses with being trapped and remembered having two pence coins thrown at me, and them thinking that was a good idea! 😩 I spent four years of my life at that school and I can only remember three times that I was shown kindness from others.
I'm so very sorry that this happened to you, you didn't deserve it, truly you didn't. They where the ones that did this not you. It will take a long time to forgive, and you'll probably never forget it. It will always be a part of you unfortunately, we just have to learn to cope with it and try our best to move on, you've proved to yourself that you are strong just by continuing even when you felt you couldn't. That is a massive positive. Someday we will overcome this and be stronger. Until then we have to take one day at a time, try and find the good in that day and build on it. I know how hard it is, I'm the same with noise, screaming, shouting, no one can truly understand the pain unless they have gone through it themselves. Your family are well meaning, it's hard for them to understand what you've gone through. But at least you have their love and support that helps. And thankfully you've found this site, you will always get love and support on here. XxX
 
ColdandAlone

ColdandAlone

Member
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
16
Location
UK
nah don’t feel guilty, it’s nothing xoxo
And I’m doing okay even though I have to go out at four and I’m already starting to get scared @ColdandAlone
You got this, think positive, I know that's hard, truly I do, but sing in your head as your walking, sounds stupid, but you'll actually start sort of walking to the tune and possible even smile, I would say wear ear phones, but that actually distracts you to much so you might not notice them until it's to late. I also found wearing sunglasses helped as they can't tell where your looking, you can slyly look around without it being obvious. Good luck, hope it goes okay. XxX
 
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TearyEyedx

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 16, 2020
Messages
141
Location
United Kingdom
You got this, think positive, I know that's hard, truly I do, but sing in your head as your walking, sounds stupid, but you'll actually start sort of walking to the tune and possible even smile, I would say wear ear phones, but that actually distracts you to much so you might not notice them until it's to late. I also found wearing sunglasses helped as they can't tell where your looking, you can slyly look around without it being obvious. Good luck, hope it goes okay. XxX
I can’t wear headphones as it makes me so anxious not knowing what is going on around me. I panic about the slightest thing. If someone looks at me I feel like I’m about to be bullied again and it’s so much to deal with especially if you’re with mom and you start to have a panic attack. Xx
 
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