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Terrified if I'm attracted to my mother, or if it's just OCD

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Reddit384723

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I'm taking this medication (MAOI) called Nardil which affects your libido. It's been hard to masturbate. I've had urges, but I can't release. Sometimes I'm at my computer for 5 hours. This morning, I had another session which lasted 3 hours. At the end, I started thinking of my mother when she was younger, and I ended up ejaculating somehow.

I have had OCD like symptoms and intrusive thoughts since I was a teenager. These OCD like traits have also led me to develop intrusive thoughts about various people I'd be uncomfortable having such thoughts about. I'm challenging myself, trying to determine if I'm really not sexually attracted to certain people I'm close to. It's like my mind is telling me "Haha, let's see if you're gay or attracted to your family!", even though I'm not a homophobe. Family members and male friends mainly. But because I'm not gay or a pedophile, these thoughts have mostly centered on my mother. I've had many moments where I've had slight sexual stimulation around my mother, or when she pops into my mind. Also, she pops into my mind frequently when I'm ejaculating to a picture of someone online.

I'm terrified of being sexually attracted to her, I would feel violated. Is this incest, or OCD?
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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If you develop a healthy sexual relationship and cease doing the internet, you will find most of this will clear up.
 
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Reddit384723

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If you develop a healthy sexual relationship and cease doing the internet, you will find most of this will clear up.
Do you think this is genuine attraction or incest, or OCD or OCD like traits?
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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I think Freud said boys are attracted to their mothers by nature but they get over this by getting a girlfriend. If you don't focus on this, it won't develop into something like OCD. You have to do a behavior that will be the opposite of this.
 
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possiblebpd

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Yes it’s ocd. Ignoring these thoughts and not entertaining them is the best advice from an expert I EVER got.
 
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possiblebpd

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The fact that you find it strange/uncomfortable means it’s intrusive thoughts and OCD. Your getting a sexual feeling because you are thinking about sex, your mother popped into your head because of intrusive thoughts and like you said, ‘haha let’s see if your attracted to your family’. also if they are groinal response then it’s nothing to do with sexual attraction. What’s Going On Down There? OCD and Arousal - Intrusive Thoughts
DONT WORRY everyone goes through this, you’ve just latched onto it because of your ocd like nature.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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On xhamster there is a lot of incest porn. Taboos like incest can be erotic. It's a bit fucked up but there you go.
 
ThinkInYellow

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Have you ever had any sexual urges surrounding your mother? An important part of sexuality is the urge to act on it. It’s not always easy to tell the difference between a thought and an urge, especially if you live in the murky grey area that manifests itself in ocd symptoms. Based on your post you have certainly felt the urge to masturbate. Can you isolate what that urge feels like? And if so, have you ever felt that way directed towards your mother sexually or does your mom just happen to sometimes pop up mid go?

I highly suspect that your experience is based in OCD symptoms. Sexual obsessions are very common in OCD. OCD likes to take your morals and identity and use them against you. And even if it’s NOT OCD, you still can’t control your thoughts. The fact that you’re this afraid of the thought proves you have no intention to act on it.

The intention to act is a very important part in any action. Take some deep breaths and try not to fixate on the thoughts and fears. Believe me I know it’s hard but it will only feed them.
 
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Reddit384723

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Wanted to revisit this thread since I’m concerned again. Haven’t had any treatment of ocd like symptoms since (don’t have an official diagnosis either, but I am autistic). Forced myself to look at a photo of my mother and imagined her at times when she looked nice, imagined her in her bathrobe, and started getting somewhat erect. I’m worried this is beyond ocd and may be actual sexual attraction.
 
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Reddit384723

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Have you ever had any sexual urges surrounding your mother? An important part of sexuality is the urge to act on it. It’s not always easy to tell the difference between a thought and an urge, especially if you live in the murky grey area that manifests itself in ocd symptoms. Based on your post you have certainly felt the urge to masturbate. Can you isolate what that urge feels like? And if so, have you ever felt that way directed towards your mother sexually or does your mom just happen to sometimes pop up mid go?

I highly suspect that your experience is based in OCD symptoms. Sexual obsessions are very common in OCD. OCD likes to take your morals and identity and use them against you. And even if it’s NOT OCD, you still can’t control your thoughts. The fact that you’re this afraid of the thought proves you have no intention to act on it.

The intention to act is a very important part in any action. Take some deep breaths and try not to fixate on the thoughts and fears. Believe me I know it’s hard but it will only feed them.
Yeah, I’m having trouble telling the difference. I’ve been trying to compare how erect I get when looking at my mother vs looking at someone I know I find attractive, and the latter response is often more pronounced while the former is a slow build up and weaker.
 
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grentthealien

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If the thoughts give you bad anxiety that is enough to derail your entire day then it is just intrusive thoughts that you need to let be. Let them come and go out of your head as if you were meditating. Over time the less and less you pay attention to them the more clarity you will find.

I used to be terrified that I was gay when I was 13. I’d constantly be testing my reactions to attractive girls and guys, looking up photos making sure I didn’t have an erection to thoughts about guys etc etc. I’d say I was so obsessed that I was plagued by it for a year. I was an anxious mess most of the time and it derailed my life. After a while I learned about CBT on the internet and started practicing it. Over time the thoughts became less and less frequent and 10 years later I have a difficult time ever envisioning myself being that consumed by them again.

Today I am comfortably heterosexual and even if I did for any reason think I’m gay it would not cause me much anxiety as I don’t see anything wrong with it. Of course the progress that has been made culturally the last 10 years have definitely helped with that. Nonetheless this was something I used to think about constantly and always assumed that my “Fear” would come true yet now it hardly ever crosses my mind.
 
ThinkInYellow

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Yeah, I’m having trouble telling the difference. I’ve been trying to compare how erect I get when looking at my mother vs looking at someone I know I find attractive, and the latter response is often more pronounced while the former is a slow build up and weaker.
That’s okay! Telling the difference is hard. I still struggle with it too. A part of my personal OCD is the fear that I’m attracted to children so I can emphasize with how difficult and emotionally taxing it is to work through those things.

The thing about basing your testing on the response of your genitals is that genitals often act regardless of attraction. They can react to strong emotional like fear or sadness, or any time they think about sex in any way. Teenage boys often report genital response to looking at donuts, it’s not because there’s a large community of people with a donut fetish but because hormones and brains are weird and circle plus hole equals vagina which equals hormones do the thing.

I’m going to link you to two sources that help me. The first is a page from the website Intrusive Thoughts that aim at helping people understand OCD. The page talks about groinal response and OCD.

The second link is to a TedTalk called “the truth about unwanted attraction” and it talks about how groinal response is different from genuine attraction and how everybody, ocd or no, experience it.


 
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Reddit384723

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If the thoughts give you bad anxiety that is enough to derail your entire day then it is just intrusive thoughts that you need to let be. Let them come and go out of your head as if you were meditating. Over time the less and less you pay attention to them the more clarity you will find.

I used to be terrified that I was gay when I was 13. I’d constantly be testing my reactions to attractive girls and guys, looking up photos making sure I didn’t have an erection to thoughts about guys etc etc. I’d say I was so obsessed that I was plagued by it for a year. I was an anxious mess most of the time and it derailed my life. After a while I learned about CBT on the internet and started practicing it. Over time the thoughts became less and less frequent and 10 years later I have a difficult time ever envisioning myself being that consumed by them again.

Today I am comfortably heterosexual and even if I did for any reason think I’m gay it would not cause me much anxiety as I don’t see anything wrong with it. Of course the progress that has been made culturally the last 10 years have definitely helped with that. Nonetheless this was something I used to think about constantly and always assumed that my “Fear” would come true yet now it hardly ever crosses my mind.
Did you get erect when looking at boys?
 
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Reddit384723

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Messages
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That’s okay! Telling the difference is hard. I still struggle with it too. A part of my personal OCD is the fear that I’m attracted to children so I can emphasize with how difficult and emotionally taxing it is to work through those things.

The thing about basing your testing on the response of your genitals is that genitals often act regardless of attraction. They can react to strong emotional like fear or sadness, or any time they think about sex in any way. Teenage boys often report genital response to looking at donuts
I wasn’t thinking about sex, I was just noticing my mothers body parts. And I’m actually 25, not a teenager lol.
 
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grentthealien

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Did you get erect when looking at boys?
Not really. Maybe a weak limp one every now and again still that was enough to fuel the OCD. Keep in mind though that you can have an erection to just about any thing and it doesn’t mean much in terms of what you are actually going to do in life.

I mean stuff like waking up, exercising or even having to pee are enough to give people random boners. I’m sure it happens with men who are participants in sports like MMA or Wrestling the difference is they don’t think much about it at all whereas someone with OCD would question their sexuality based on that alone.
 
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