W
weechatterbox
Guest
hi,
i just joined the forum today in the hope someone can help me see clearer through my guilt.
i am crippled by it...every second of every day.
i hate myself for having too many casual relationships in the past (i'm 31 now).
i hate myself for allowing people to use me. i feel cheap.
when i'm single, it doesn't matter cos i guess i don't think enough of myself to care.
but now i have met the man of my dreams and this guilt is destroying us both.
i am obsessive about it. i fixate on a memory from my past....someone i've been with....and i take a full blown panic attack thinking about it. my breathing goes, i get an upset stomach, i become disassociated and can't think on anything else.
the only way to alleviate the symptoms is to confess to my boyfriend. it's got to be him (talking to friends/family/therapists doesn't work). cos the bottom line is, i feel like i don't deserve my wonderful boyfriend and i need him to know what a terrible person i've been. if i don't tell him, then i feel like i'm deceiving him into loving me.
i can "confess" up to 10 things in one day. i can't stop myself. i have to tell him all the nitty gritty of my past sexual relationships. it looks like i'm rubbing his nose in it but i'm NOT. i need to know he accepts me...warts and all.
confessing gives me this incredible release...but within 10 minutes i'm having a panic attack about something else and the cycle begins again.
i'm getting CBT but it's not working.
i'm on prozac - which has stopped me self harming - but the anxiety is still off the scale.
i've been off work sick for 12 weeks.
can anyone help me?
i can't stop punishing myself for stuff i can't change.
thank you for reading.
gx
i just joined the forum today in the hope someone can help me see clearer through my guilt.
i am crippled by it...every second of every day.
i hate myself for having too many casual relationships in the past (i'm 31 now).
i hate myself for allowing people to use me. i feel cheap.
when i'm single, it doesn't matter cos i guess i don't think enough of myself to care.
but now i have met the man of my dreams and this guilt is destroying us both.
i am obsessive about it. i fixate on a memory from my past....someone i've been with....and i take a full blown panic attack thinking about it. my breathing goes, i get an upset stomach, i become disassociated and can't think on anything else.
the only way to alleviate the symptoms is to confess to my boyfriend. it's got to be him (talking to friends/family/therapists doesn't work). cos the bottom line is, i feel like i don't deserve my wonderful boyfriend and i need him to know what a terrible person i've been. if i don't tell him, then i feel like i'm deceiving him into loving me.
i can "confess" up to 10 things in one day. i can't stop myself. i have to tell him all the nitty gritty of my past sexual relationships. it looks like i'm rubbing his nose in it but i'm NOT. i need to know he accepts me...warts and all.
confessing gives me this incredible release...but within 10 minutes i'm having a panic attack about something else and the cycle begins again.
i'm getting CBT but it's not working.
i'm on prozac - which has stopped me self harming - but the anxiety is still off the scale.
i've been off work sick for 12 weeks.
can anyone help me?
i can't stop punishing myself for stuff i can't change.
thank you for reading.
gx