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calypso

calypso

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I've been SO low today, really bad. Its like a compulsion to self harm, its almost over powering. I've resisted, but only by working very hard on it all day. The 'man' is still there despite the new meds which I am taking. He is a bit more mumbled, but gets through and throws memories at me, has access to my thoughts still.

I am seeing the pdoc again tomorrow and I am worried. He said last time he would look at my anti depressants and change them possibly. Well if he just weans me off them before putting me on new ones, I'll crash badly, even more than now. And if he puts me on new ones whilst coming off the old ones, I will rocket into orbit - like last time. Took a week to come down and multiple sedatives to control me.

So, I might ask to be admitted to change them over - not that there are any beds anyway in Lancashire, but what do you think? Would that be an idea, just to be safe?
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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It does sound like a good idea to me. Like you say though will they have a bed. Really hope you can be heard at your appointment tomorrow . They should take account of what happened last time when meds were changed I hope
 
calypso

calypso

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I think he might increase my anti psychotics which will be joy of joys - Not! I went to him over the depression not the voices. He said that I must know its psychosis as I asked to see him,but I didn't go over that (not sure it is psychosis), but the depression. Why do they assume the voices are the worst thing?

I'm so worried. I don't want to go into hospital, at all. Apart from anything else, they take your driving licence away. I can't do anything without a car. I'm really stuck. I'll have to see what he suggests. I just want to be "normal".
 
Radio***

Radio***

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Hope it goes ok. Sometimes the drugs take a while to have full effect. Annoys me too when they ignore the depression which is killing me, think they see the psychosis as indicating you are more ill. Hate the drugs, wish there was an easy answer.
 
calypso

calypso

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He has increased the Aripiprazole and will see me in 4 weeks. I was fine until he left the room and the nurse launched in at me. She had talked to my old care co-ordinator, I didn't need Services, it was bad to keep people in services, I needed to use the DBT skills, I shouldn't SH (like I hadn't worked that one out!), I needed to work harder on my problems, I'd had 5 years and there was a limit - I have unstable bipolar FFS.

She wound me through the roof. I got up, walked around and bit my lip. Then I told her I never ask for help unless absolutely needed, I do the DBT skills, I hadn't self harmed, I was not lazy, I had been a nurse for 40 years and worked most of that time. I was so upset. The pdoc arrived back and she was all sweetness and light. So, as usual, I put my foot in it and repeated what she had said to him. He took a deep breath, glanced at her, and told me to just listen to him. I did.

But now I have made an enemy and its never a good thing to do that with these people. They always get their own back. I can't seem to do anything right lately. I need to get well away from services.
 
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nounandnoun

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Oh god Calypso, that sounds HORRENDOUS. No wonder she wound you up, I wouldnt have been able to cope with that at all, I think you did quite well to repeat it to the doctor. Yes I agree its not a good idea to make enemies with people in positions of power over you but it's not good for the soul to just take it. Hopefully the doctor will now be aware of the unhelpful and cruel way she interacts with patients and might have a word with her and given her cause to reflect on her behaviour. You never know, you might have saved others from the same nasty tirade. I think you did the right thing, and a thing which takes real guts. I hope it doesn't work against you, you deserve support, its ridiculous and abusive for the nurse to imply that chronic ill health is a choice. What a dick, I'm so angry on your behalf and I hope you will be ok xx
 
A

AmberMoon

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I'm so sorry and appalled she spoke to you like that and wound you up. It's not acceptable at all and I am so pleased that you stood up to it and told the doctor.
I do hope you will be ok and it doesn't effect your support. If it does I would request a different worker. In no way should you have to put up with that kind of behaviour. Look after yourself :hug: xx
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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cal

so sorry at how much you are struggling

as for that mare of a nurse

GOOD FOR YOU

How DARE she speak to you like that? WTF! I bet she got herself a new arsehole torn, as we say Downunder.

One fucking bad apple and the whole Team are dragged down. That bitch shouldn't even be in charge of Washing Floors let alone caring for MI people who Already Feel Quiet Bad Enough Thank You.

Please stay strong x we all care an are rooting for you and You Will Beat This Again just like you always do.

xxxx


BDU :hug:
 
Nikita

Nikita

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Better to talk back to nasty nurse and put her straight like you did than let her opinions stick.She won't get back on you don't worry,she knows you'll go above her now and will watch herself and her big mouth from now on.Sorry I am no help with what you are feeling and going through Calypso,just know you are highly respected and regarded here and I am thinking of you and my heart goes out to you:hug:!Nikitax
 
H

Harper

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Calypso,

What a dreadful experience and I agree totally with nounandnoun. I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through this.

I am wondering if this is the disgraceful way they are managing their cuts to funding, ie, no beds situation, by attributing personal blame onto the individual patient seeking help. Or, good cop - bad cop? Pdoc leaving room being planned beforehand.


In this current climate it is becoming more and more okay to kick a sick/disabled person.

I hope you are going to be okay despite them. xx Harper
 
dreambuggieIII

dreambuggieIII

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Oh god Calypso, that sounds HORRENDOUS. No wonder she wound you up, I wouldnt have been able to cope with that at all, I think you did quite well to repeat it to the doctor. Yes I agree its not a good idea to make enemies with people in positions of power over you but it's not good for the soul to just take it. Hopefully the doctor will now be aware of the unhelpful and cruel way she interacts with patients and might have a word with her and given her cause to reflect on her behaviour. You never know, you might have saved others from the same nasty tirade. I think you did the right thing, and a thing which takes real guts. I hope it doesn't work against you, you deserve support, its ridiculous and abusive for the nurse to imply that chronic ill health is a choice. What a dick, I'm so angry on your behalf and I hope you will be ok xx
hello noun and noun you sound lovely
hello
 
calypso

calypso

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No it wasn't planned, he doesn't keep his prescription form in the room for some reason.

Thank you all. I never thought I'd meet a psych nurse who told you to pull your socks up. I'll be OK. I never wanted to be in psych services anyway, but I'll talk about the weather if she is there again.
 
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Radio***

Radio***

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Hi Calypso just wanted to say sorry nurse was so horrible. I am glad you told psych what she said, think often we take too much. I am a coward really but since getting older my mouth seems to have developed a mind of its own (no it is not my psychosis) and ignores my cowardly brain, if something upsets me my mouth fights back! Keep thinking whaasst did I just say? :eek2:

Stay brave and I hope you feel better soon xx
 
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