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Talking a bit about us (DID)

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playsimo

New member
Joined
Mar 18, 2020
Messages
3
Location
italy
Hi, i registered on this forum a few days ago.. i wanted to talk a bit about some problems i have at the moment.
I suffer from DiD, it was diagnosed 6 months ago and i'm trying to figure things out. From what i understand now, i'm the "main alter" in the system, there is another one that is 29 years old, i'm 25 and maybe a younger alter but we don't know if he exists or maybe it's just me "becoming a child again?" i don't know if that makes sense... my therapist never encountered this "young alter" yet but sometimes i find myself playing with some of my old toys from when i was around 8/10 years old, but i don't remember anything.
me and the other alter can comunicate sometimes, he usually comes out when there is a situation of intense stress or when we feel threatened. Sometimes i have panic attacks but after i don't remember anything of what happened, he told me that this usually happens when there are rly strong and unexpected noises.. basically he's some sort of "guardian angel", as my therapist said, that comes to my rescue but he can be rly scary... the problem is that he wants to control everything that happens around us, and i can't almost do anything of my own initiative... i don't know how it works but i can't feel anger at all, i never felt anger or hate towards anyone or anything... but he has all the anger that i don't feel.. and when i do something that he doesn't like sometimes when he's in control of the body he hurts himself to come back at me since he has a rly high pain tollerance level. lately i've discovered from my therapist that when he's not in control of the body or coconcious he goes to some sort of innerworld, and i didn't know that... i talked with him about it, i felt betrayed because he always wants to know everything that happens to me but he never mentioned this to me... when we discussed about it he told me that he never explored much in this innerworld because as he said it "i might find something that we both won't like". I don't know what's he talking about... could he find other alters or something like that? when i asked to my therapist he said that it could be possible... i'd like to know if anyone else had experiences similar to mine...how he/she delt with this kind of alter and what could he actually find in this innerworld if he explored it... i know that evryone is different but i' m rly scared about this whole situation.. and maybe there is someone here that managed to overcome these problems...
sorry i'm not very fluent in english...
 
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Iam Neb

New member
Joined
Apr 22, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Wanganui
Howdy playsimo. I am an ancient crone who has had this over my lifetime. It took many years of misdiagnosis, being a tablet experiment lab rat and way too much time as a involuntary inpatient to get the right fit of treatment for me. Even when I was finally with the therapist who helped me most; it took a very long time to establish trust and therapeutic boundaries where the whole mess in my head could express itself. It took over a decade to get me functioning and it is very very HARD to do this. You are attached to the fragment and disjointed personalities. I dont recall my therapist EVER asking for an alter to appear....they just did on occasion (there were quite a number ). In a sense if the therapist asks about individuals it is a validation of them and I know I would have found it not healthy to dwell there....did I mention how HARD this is. I am happy to chat with you but I have no answers.
 
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