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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

Talk to myself, a lot

T

Tyche

Member
Joined
Jul 30, 2020
Messages
10
Location
uk
hey guys, hope all is well ♡ so at the start of the year i was diagnosed with BPD PTSD and OCD. The diagnosis seemed to really fit. I live in the UK and was diagnosed just befote corona virus lockdown so minus a cpn who calls every two weeks i receive no help or therapy. Lately I've been obsessing over suicide a lot, which is no different to any other day tbh but since my diagnosis I've just noticed things I do that are clearly symptoms of my pd or something, but the talking to myself I dont understand. All I know about bpd is what ive googled, and i know its normal to talk to yourself a little. But I have full blown arguments with myself. I can be sitting there watching TV and a voice in my head will be saying "you should just die already" I'll argue back, beg it to stop, say I wish "yous would give me a break already" we argue all the time sometimes ill be getting ready for my brain to start shouting about how ugly i am which i pleas with it to stop. I've always done this however have never thought of it as much of a problem as its always been normal to me, I thought everyone spoke to themselves the way I did its all ive ever known. And lately ive noticed how a lot of the time i say "we" not "I" at my psychiatrist meeting i briefly mentioned the talking to myself but not in great depth every aspect of my life is a problem, she asked if the voice jn my head mine or someone else's. I told her mine. Because it is, it sounds just like me, but with a slightly different tone, there's like a good and a bad me and then the real me. Everyday its like theres just this constant noise, my heads always so sore, at night time I find myself tossing and turning (I have really bad insomnia) and the full time ill be telling myself to shut up as its my own head keeping me awake, sometimes it stops. But instead I just hear shut up over and over again. I dont think I have ever been in silence i dont think my mind has ever relaxed and not had a million thoughts racing. But anyway the point is, once I found out j had bpd I assumed this was the reason for that but I have spoke with a few people who also have bpd and they can't say its something they relate too. Has anyone else ever experienced something similar and able to shed some light, is my diagnosis wrong? Is there something the doc has missed?
Thank you for taking the time to read x
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
14,465
Location
England
Hi,
Please do reach out for professional help as well.




If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
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