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Taking my problems out on those around me :(

?

>.<

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I keep doing this atm. Although my mood swings are an issue, the main problem is I have a HUGE irrational fear that the people I love are going to leave me. And I can't be consolled from it, it doesn't go away. So what happens is when I'm feeling insecure and low, I worry about being abandoned, and if either my parents or my boyfriend do anything unusual or negative, I assume they're going to leave me. I start screaming at them saying things like "GO AWAY THEN YOU DONT CARE ABOUT ME YOU WANT TO HURT ME YOU ALL WANT TO HURT ME YOULL ALL ABANDON ME IN THE END WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME" and variations of that.

This tends to really hurt them, obviously. The thing is, I KNOW they love me and stuff and that I'm making false accusations without evidance but I can't shake this fear. I feel really sorry for my boyfriend, he's supported me throughout everything, helped me through my lowest points and he's always there for me and I keep treating him like this and hurting him. I don't want to do this I'm just so scared of being alone and abandoned :cry::cry:

Another thing I tend to do is if I get convinced a friend or someone will leave me, I lash out at them first so that I've left THEM, cos then I haven't been abandoned.

Urgh I hate this, why can't I trust like everyone else :cry:

It's really not fair on those around me and they've all told me it really hurts them, what can I do? I've tried therapy and its either not helping or being very slow:cry:
 
J

jema88

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oh my god i can not belive it im totally the same as you.. down to every last detail i thought i was the only person that felt like this.. then im like that i feel so psychotic i cant even bare to look at my self in the mirror its awful.. just remember your not on your own and it will pass.. adn keep reasuring your self there are people that love you!.xx
 
?

>.<

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Same, afterwards it makes me feel like I'm messed up :( It's horrible isn't it? It's like when I'm screaming at them, what I really want is a hug and to hear "its all okay we love you it'll be fine" but instead I push them away. :cry:
 
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jema88

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its awful hun.. i think in my head im such a weirdo why am i like this grrr thinking about how i get makes me :cry: i just wish i knew someone else like me.. that truly understands how i feel.. the last time i was like this i was screaming at my best friend GET OUT MY HOUSE WHY U EVEN HERE U DONT REALLY LIKE ME... and ive not got a clue why i said it because she loves me... i was so paranoid that day i couldnt even look at my front door never mind think about going out it!!!.. i really cant belive ive found someone who feels the same as me at times... how are you feeling todayy?..xxx
 
?

>.<

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Same, idk why I say it it hurts me to say it as well. Bad, I did this today and I'm really angry at myself for it :( you?
 
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jema88

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ive just started having a good time as of today so hopefully it'll last longer than i few weeks.. but it never does!! how long have u been diagnosed for??.xxx
 
?

>.<

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I was diagnosed last June, then I was told I wasn't, then I was, then I wasn't, not officially diagnosed atm my docs keep changing their minds :/

What about you? xx
 
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jema88

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August last yr =\ are you on any meds then??..xxx
 
?

>.<

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Not atm I have been though, was on APs didn't like them, they made me feel horrible :(

You? xx
 
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jema88

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aww dear!!.. yeaa on anti pyschotics.. mood stabilisers.. and prozac.. u have to give the ad;s time to kick in they take a few week's and do make u feel awfull..xxx
 
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noodlepixie

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urgh i feel the same im going thru it all at the moment im so irritated at the moment im snappy with everyone if my hubby left id be torn apart but ive accused him of seeing someone else that he doesn't love me etc..
im irritated my my children and love them dearly.
I can't sleep don't want to eat im not in a good mood im fidgity and not really knowing if im coming or going...
sorry bad rhyme..
 
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jema88

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im so sorry to hear your not good at the minute!! =(..xxx
 
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