taking a stand?

NoWhereman72

NoWhereman72

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#1
ok i know i am still new too this thing but today r yesterday rather i took a chance and spoke out on face bok on a status talking about things. i gt lots of support but never having had too be social which is what i want to be i kind of felt way out of my comfort zone and here a few hours later i feel like maybe i am gonna get a few people mad for stating how i felt.

im not very confrontational so im not sure what to expect from standing up for myself and putting a foot down. and my family defines dysfunctional lol. so anyone have any advice or what i should do ? or what not to worry over since i am taking my first steps trying to be more than what others think i am ?
 
Poopy Doll

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#2
I can't give you an honest opinion because I'm not clear on what you are talking about. Could you be a bit more specific ?? Are you asking if it's okay for you to be more assertive in life and on fb ??
 
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Boring

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#4
NoWhereman, taking a stand never really works for me. been ousted from many communities for it. i've tried religious communities, dating communities, poetry communities, all-male communities, mental health communities- i just gave up. instead of taking a stand, i've learned to re-express my own identity within the guidelines of communities. i still get ousted and stuff, but that's the best thing i can do. so i don't stress about people accepting me too much, i just go with the flow and enjoy the time i have in a community before i get the boot. i just make sure i keep with my buds and enjoy my time communicating with them. finding a good or specialized community also helps a bit too. like if i were gay, i'd google search "gay online community" or "gay online forum" and probably choose amoung the first few results. being wary of whom you communicate with: this can also be helpful. like i feel safe communicating with people i can relate to.
 
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Poopy Doll

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#5
You know, taking a stand or being assertive is like an art form. There's being assertive in a positive way and then there's being aggressive in a negative way. I have made a commitment to non violent speech, so I handle even angry people in a gentle way with a clear sense of equanimity. I still get nervous standing up to people who are liable to get angry when I stick up for myself but I do it anyway because little by little I am out growing my fear.
 
Kerome

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#6
I agree with Boring and Poopy Doll, it’s best not to attach too much value to how others see you in a community. I always state my opinions in a gentle, non-confrontational way and if the discussion gets too involved I walk away from it. These things usually go away in a few days or a week.
 
NoWhereman72

NoWhereman72

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#8
that makes since but dont you want more? i feel like i am owed so much and i have been like it was suggested for 44 years. i will be 45 next month and i just feel like im gonna die of old age with nothing. and i dont like that feeling. it could be my mid life crises kicking in i guess lol. but it just feels wrong with how people see me as simple when i know im not simple.
 
blacksmoke

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#9
dont let other peeps labels run you

what is keeping you trapped is you its an epidemic! forget about what other folk think/ dont think. nobody can control that. however we can start to take more of a control over how we think. nobody owes you anything and that kind of thinking will keep you trapped!

all you got is right now. regrets of the past is depression, worry about the future is anxiety both of which take us away from ourselves. maybe its time to take stock of your life cos like you say....have a go at doing a journal about what is happening now and what plans however lofty you have cos in the thinking about it and mapping it out might just put you on a better course.

what are your interests? can you do voluntary work to start opening up your world?
 
NoWhereman72

NoWhereman72

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#10
yeah i can but i walk everywhere and being almsot 50 thats just getting harder. which is why im being so voiceful in things.and i am living for the moment but it just seems like im sitting still with how things are going no where.its why i made that bold move i did the other day making the statement that im not as simple as people think i am. i said more but i got it off my chest.

in fact here is the statement i made on my face book to everyone,

"im never said i knew everything, and people may think im to simple too understand things. but the one thing i do know without a doubt .Is everything i do is for the lord and anything i ask for he gives me even when they try and say other wise. but god want let them hinder his work his is doing with me.

and some people maybe even laugh when im not around thinking i have no clue but i dont need a clue no matter how simple you think i am because living for god isn't about proving how good you are. its about knowing what god needs and wants and doing it while others laugh at you or talk behind your back..

and still not having anything but love for them because god does not want it any other way. and if that to simple sounding for most people than thats fine by me because im in it for myself and god there is no room for people who cant support what i am working for.and god is truly all i need if thats how its got too be."

i got support with what i said from some family and friends but it kind f bothered me seeing how i have never did that before telling others how i felt. it was kind of scary because i have never tried standing up for my self
could i have been to bold with what i said?
 
blacksmoke

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#11
ah dont use the age card lol i am older and i walk lots of miles at the mo and i have crappy feet. had to get a pair of running shoes break out of the i cant walk theme which went on for years.

its not helpful to entertain negative thoughts about our capabilities. we just have to put our shoulder to the plough. interesting cos the next sentence you mention the Lord

well time to step out in faith and be believing that you can do all things through Christ. peeps will always laugh but i aint laughing. it takes courage to mention the r word. as folk can be petty and ignorant is my take etc

King James Bible
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

sounds like you need to be around folk that understand where you are coming from and the secular world aint that place. well done for speaking out but as a long term thing you need to be around other Christians. be in the world but not of the world
John 15:19
If you were of the world, the world would love its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, because of this the world hates you.

stand firm against the mockers
Ephesians 6:14New International Version (NIV)

14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

how funny synchronicity that works its way in my life today.
 
NoWhereman72

NoWhereman72

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#12
thats true and i consider the church my family more than my own family. but i dont brag abut it or anything i just keep it for me because i have always been for me. and i will try not to use the age card lol. i just wish i did not feel like i am going up a steep hill with how family is and others. but i never say anything out of spite because thats not my place too say anything. i just doo what i know is right.

and im not gonna give in or change for anyone because i have never had a reason to and dont think i ever will.but i know my faith will keep me going even if i am 60 and still walking.and i have been through 4 pair f walking shoes s far they just dont make anything that lasts . lol
 
blacksmoke

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#13
yeah that steep hill and family so got you there. all you can do is to cut yourself some slack otherwise if you get strung out by it, it will just continue to get worse.

well keep on walking as that will go some way to keeping you sane. just keep on keeping on. we cant be responsible for others behaviour but we are best served if we start to keep our own back yard clear. that way we can be focused when we are around folk that are manipulative. we get to see more when we keep ourslves clear. dunno if that makes any sense
 
Boring

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#14
"im not gonna give in or change for anyone because i have never had a reason to and dont think i ever will."

kind-of the same here. only a person or a handful of persons can convince me to change. but honestly, i don't even think that's capable. i can only be me: I am the best person i can ever be.
 
NoWhereman72

NoWhereman72

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#15
yeah that steep hill and family so got you there. all you can do is to cut yourself some slack otherwise if you get strung out by it, it will just continue to get worse.

well keep on walking as that will go some way to keeping you sane. just keep on keeping on. we cant be responsible for others behaviour but we are best served if we start to keep our own back yard clear. that way we can be focused when we are around folk that are manipulative. we get to see more when we keep ourslves clear. dunno if that makes any sense
thanks for telling me that ii needed to hear something positive. and sorry for late reply i have just been so distracted.