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matthewxyz

Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
17
Location
UK
I’m feeling sad and melancholic today..

After bumping into my old high school best friend yesterday, we exchanged numbers and she added me to a group chat with a girl we were also best friends with (we would’ve been 15 turning 16).

We’ve exchanged so many old memories and even shared some photos from back then.. I haven’t seen my 15/16 year old self for a long time, at least 12 or 13 years have passed since I saw these photos last..

I feel sad today. My mother shared some old school documents and reports with me earlier.. so much of the feedback from my teachers told me to be more confident and ask for help.. but I never did..

I wish I could go back.. I don’t want to turn 30 this year. How on earth did I make it to this age? I remember sitting on my bed before every birthday from age 13 telling myself “ok you won’t live until your next birthday”. How did I survive?
 
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Mister_Fabulous formerly BetaMale

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2018
Messages
1,270
Location
India
At the age of 29, you really should forget what your school teachers told you. Find a hobby or do something you really enjoy; that way you'll form new good memories rather than just reminisce about past ones.
 
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LadyDomino

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
526
Location
Dorset
Whilst in my 20s I was convinced I would never make my 30th Birthday. I'm now 46. The past is the past you can't change it. We can learn from it, if we realy think it will help.

Teachers have to write something in reports - must be hard to be original lol
 
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matthewxyz

Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
17
Location
UK
At the age of 29, you really should forget what your school teachers told you. Find a hobby or do something you really enjoy; that way you'll form new good memories rather than just reminisce about past ones.
I’ve never clinged onto anything teachers have ever said to me, nor remembered their comments either. But since moving back to my hometown after 10 years away, it’s hard for me to ignore the past as I’m surrounded by memories as everything looks the same.

I’ve always regretted my past, my experiences at school and during my school-age life - That’s why I harbour so many sad feelings about the past because I can’t let go. I wish I could go back and change it all.

As for finding a hobby, I’ve spent the last 10 years trying to soul search. I’ve moved to 7 different town, enrolled on various courses, worked a few jobs, studied languages and I do digital art. I even quit my job at 28 after 4 years in that company to go to a community college to study for university to try and find a purpose in my life. I dropped out of uni a month ago as I was even more unhappy there.

I feel like I’ve given myself so many opportunities and really tried to give my life some meaning and purpose but I can’t escape all the regret and resentment of the past.
 
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matthewxyz

Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2020
Messages
17
Location
UK
Whilst in my 20s I was convinced I would never make my 30th Birthday. I'm now 46. The past is the past you can't change it. We can learn from it, if we realy think it will help.

Teachers have to write something in reports - must be hard to be original lol
I’ve never really cared to remember what teachers said in the past. The reason seeing those comments made me sad is because they were absolutely right and consistent across my subjects.. I was broken, sad, depressed, unconfident, insecure and anxious.

I felt into a big depression from age 18 to 21 and I’ve tried so much to change my life and find purpose but I’m never satisfied.. I walked a couple of my old routes recently after 15 years and my emotional memory kicked in and I very much feel as sad then as I do now.. I feel like not much has changed despite a lot of experiences I’ve had over the last ten years
 
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