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t00 many buses and m0re

blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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dunno thought i would start a new thread cnat continue with prev thread as i was in a very dark place.:low:


it seems that waiting until next month to start to unravel the unexpressed grief is not maybe a good thing to wait. but that is all that is on offer. i havent managed to process stuff plus ironically the timing of going is the exact time of this time last year when i had a potentially serious healtj blip amd also this is the very same venue i was visiting when it happened and had an off duty doc diagnosing something very serious and which 24 hours later my auntie was rushed to hospital with more or less the same thing. i mean how fking biziare and scary.couldnt tell the family on top of it all ....but had to come partly clean about it .....

so yeah things seem to be cvonverginhg tonight. gotta get it toghethear as my sis returns tomorow:(

and i still dont know what caused it but my money is on the mirtapane cant be arsed to chaeck the spelling.:unsure:

and today with the dog is yet summat else to add to the mix. plus i managed to get the med wrong earlier i am so stressed i am not thingking clearly. ahd to so not panmic as i had to get the dog into a small car on my own and. and when life goes wronmg its just me to put it roight and annoyi8ng ars*h*les who then say what they would have done.:scared:
 
S

Slyorbital

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With all you have had going on you have been managing brilliantly!I hope is all when when your sister returns tomorrow Blacksmoke,mistakes with meds happen from time to time,I sometimes forget I took them then take them again.I get stressed and don't think straight too.I am scared sometimes when my symptoms are strong.Med side effects make everything much worse.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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i aint very good this morning feeling under a bit guess the anxiety of it all. also the house smells dreadful so i have had to go out and get some antibaterial cleaning stuff and spray. i did clean it yesterday but those products obviously arent up for the job sigh. been power hosing the door mats second time this time i have put anti bact stuff on them.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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it doesnt help when folk rub things in but arent ok about me being real. basically i had a major powerdown last week i just couldnt take anything in. and this person made several comments. if i had said actually i am very close to cracking up and please dont go on about it.

i mean you dont like it when i do talk about stuff so back off. and anyway i would probably freak you out if you knew just how it is at the mo. just let me pretend it aint happening like wot you do
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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and then the cold dialogue... from someone else sigh i need to run to the hills. :eek2: and then opening some letters that are big issues that will have impacts on me.

need to be alone to process :(
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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things are tough today i have been getting really upset around peeps. trying to do the "normal" thing of jolly hockey sticks its all falling apart.

is this the real me i wonder i mean i take lots of energy to keep it all in. lucky for me i met someone quite by chance whilst i was in a state who i havent seen for a while who and who was very helpful.
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

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Hey blacksmoke

I have found your thread!
It took a little while but I'm glad to join in :)
I hope you're evening is nice and your sister and your niece are ok....
It's very tough going on you...
 
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Splodge

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Sorry that you are going through it at the moment.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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Hey blacksmoke

I have found your thread!
It took a little while but I'm glad to join in :)
I hope you're evening is nice and your sister and your niece are ok....
It's very tough going on you...
ah yes the thread! the evening is going ok. was due to go out for a group walk tonight been meaning to for a month now but just cant face it.

been texting me sis trying to keep a reg contact bit shite at that. my sis needs i reckon some moral support to offset the dynamics. as for my niece i dont ask as no news is good news at the mo. :sorry:
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

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ah yes the thread! the evening is going ok. was due to go out for a group walk tonight been meaning to for a month now but just cant face it.

been texting me sis trying to keep a reg contact bit shite at that. my sis needs i reckon some moral support to offset the dynamics. as for my niece i dont ask as no news is good news at the mo. :sorry:
I imagine a group walk is the very last thing you feel like doing blacksmoke - give yourself a break :)

You're doing all you can to support your sister - and its admirable considering how you're feeling yourself..

Take care :)
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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I imagine a group walk is the very last thing you feel like doing blacksmoke - give yourself a break :)

You're doing all you can to support your sister - and its admirable considering how you're feeling yourself..

Take care :)
i cant really do that much for me sis as she lives an hour and more away from me. its tokenistic but hey such is life
 
T

thejester

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i fscking hate getting on too many buses aswell.if the journy is only two buses then i can do it.but if it gets to 3-4 i just cant handle.are you any better blacksmoke?
 
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blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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i fscking hate getting on too many buses aswell.if the journy is only two buses then i can do it.but if it gets to 3-4 i just cant handle.are you any better blacksmoke?
yeah when i was having to catch buses for 17 months period i got that i stopped food shopping cos it took at least 3 hours to do from start to finish. which meant that was it for the day!!! phraw excitement.

ah that question, "am i any better," with anxiety and depression its like being on a carousel one that i rarely can get off for that long.
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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today at my usual weekly thing everyone is continuing to have so hard a time of it, and had yet more shocking news. :unsure::(
 
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