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Suspecting my mother of BPD and PTSD

P

Pairou

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I really think no-contact and therapy for you are the best thing for you right now. Your father may need therapy as well. And maybe in the future, family therapy.

Just... therapy for everyone!

edit: I've been through a lot of therapy. I've had good doctors and bad doctors. I still advocate it. I'm in it currently, have another appointment tomorrow in fact, so maybe that's why it's on my mind today.
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

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I really think no-contact and therapy for you are the best thing for you right now. Your father may need therapy as well. And maybe in the future, family therapy.

Just... therapy for everyone!

edit: I've been through a lot of therapy. I've had good doctors and bad doctors. I still advocate it. I'm in it currently, have another appointment tomorrow in fact, so maybe that's why it's on my mind today.
It's funny that you mention it but we had decreased contact lately, she avoids me most of the time and this has had a positive effect because I feel less stressed, watched over, constantly walking on egg shells and making the effort of masking my hobbies making sure they go unnoticed.

I did mention group talks at some point it seems like a good idea. having ADHD myself and being very educated on mental health matters I do have an understanding of how neurotransmitters can influence perception of reality, a bit like the lenses in a camera, once you play around going focus and out of focus you do gain an understanding of what this whole thing really is.

After I take dextro-amphetamine 30mg, it's very hard to believe that you're looking at the same surrounding reality as before taking it, it all just becomes a different sandwich with a different sauce on it. So I do relate to how one can see something that's not really there especially when reading between the lines in a conversation, some twists are simply given by dopamine and not reality itself. Mis-interpretations can occur even in myself who is extremely introspective with my inner state and think 3 times before interpreting reality.

With this introspective view I cam simply tell that my mom is complaining about non-issues. It seems like an issue when she's yelling about it but when you look closely you come to realize no real issue is present.

Thanks a lot for your feed-back!
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

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I was hoping someone could comment or find similarities according to the Millon criteria 3:

Petulant Borderline
Individuals showing petulant borderline characteristics are unpredictable and difficult to please. They are often irritable and prone to outbursts of anger and frustration, and they are impatient with other people and quick to become disillusioned when they don’t get what they want.

As a consequence of their tendency to be willful and defiant, people with petulant borderline traits are often stubborn, defensive, and unwilling to admit when they are wrong. Their relationships can be loving but are always complex, and they often engage in passive-aggressive behaviors as a way of lashing out at people who displease them.

Is this scale reliable or used in the diagnosis? I do find some striking similarities. If you look into more detail:

  • An inability to express feelings
  • Outbursts of anger
  • Feelings of being unworthy and unloved
  • Socially anxious
  • Extreme fear of abandonment
  • A need to control others
  • Experiencing dissatisfaction in relationships
  • Co-occurring disorders, such as substance abuse or eating disorders
  • Suspicion of others/paranoia in relationships
  • Self-harm tendencies
  • Intense mood swings
  • Posing ultimatums in relationships
  • “Proving” that someone doesn’t love her
  • Constantly searching for validation
  • Push and pull in relationships
  • Wanting others to feel guilty for their actions, or lack of actions
  • Negative
  • Passive-Aggressive
  • Shutting others out of their lives
  • Using suicidal behavior or self-injurious behaviors to control others
Bolded is for sure, scratched out is not the case and faded text is unsure if yes or no according to me. The last criteria, she has never done that to my knowledge, but knowing her, it's not outside the realm of the possible, I could definitely picture her doing that.
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

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My mom always used to say "hey, you know me, when I am finished with someone, I am finished! It's done! There is no going back."

She actually told me this on our last discussion, she said "you know me, when I am done I am done, there is no going back!" Not realizing that's actually a diagnosis criteria. I definitely surprised the heck out of her, when I quickly replied to her: "Yes, I read about that". She definitely didn't see that one coming she looked very baffled.
 
K

KitKat90

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Feb 21, 2019
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Location
Texas
I found your post interesting. I have had issues with my mother. Our relationship changed when I changed how I responded to her. She has opened up to me. I have a better understanding of why she has acted the way she did at times.

At your Mothers age, have you ever considered that she is unhappy with the choices she made in her life? And from your comments on her marriage. That maybe she is not getting what she needs out of her relationship with your Father? You seem to be analyzing her behavior way too much. I think more is going on here than your mother having a MI. Women go through a lot of changes due to hormones and if she has any health issues that maybe effecting her as well. Past experiences that you know nothing about. Don’t assume you can look at her behavior and tell what is going on with her. We all have things in our live that drive us to act in different ways.

Try to look at the whole picture when it comes to your Mom. A little love and understanding can go along way.
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

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Thank you for your post!

At your Mothers age, have you ever considered that she is unhappy with the choices she made in her life?
I know that for a fact because she keeps complaining about her early life choices such as not becoming a doctor, not moving to a bigger city, accepting to live her younger years in a small apartment instead of trying to get better. She has wild fantasies about living in places like Paris, owning a condo there in downtown and stopping by a classy coffee-shop every morning. Later on in life, about not focusing hard enough on her career etc.

That maybe she is not getting what she needs out of her relationship with your Father?
It doesn't seem like she's getting what she needs out of anything, it's very hard to pinpoint something because that thing might just be an external excuse for how she feels internally due to a poor neurotransmitter situation that doesn't have much to do with anything outside of her head.

I think more is going on here than your mother having a MI. Women go through a lot of changes due to hormones and if she has any health issues that maybe effecting her as well.
If the argument is that all women go through that, she's at least 2 standard deviations away from the center of the Gauss curve so no, I don't think it's normal xD

Don’t assume you can look at her behavior and tell what is going on with her.
I think I know this better than anybody. I take too much psychoactive medication and have been through too many mental states in order to assume anything about how people animate and what it means. In this topic I only state what I think it's the main contributing factor but there are many factors. To put it in the big picture like you want it, it seems like she's got 40% un-expressed DNA that she's desperately trying to express and blames everyone around her for not being able to.

That's when drugs kick in. I'm a big believer in these treatments. When you take 30mg of dextro-amphetamine, 100% of your DNA is instantly expressed whether you want it or not you become yourself 100%, which, to others, it might look like you're a worst person, but to yourself, you are actually fulfilling the nature of your existence.

She despises those kind of treatments out of a big irrational fear.
 
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