Survived... now what?

[10yearsstrong]

My mom has schizoaffective disorder.
A few years ago she tried to kill me.
Now I spend my entire life trying to keep her alive.

I am in my early 20's, and in university.
She is the most loving woman in the world when she takes her meds.
We are a normal middle class family.

No one understands. They think I should just get over the past.
But I cant. It happened. Its still with me.

But I will never tell her how hard it is for me to deal with it. I dont want her to feel guilty. I just want to keep her alive.

 

[Rorschach]

I'm diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder, and have four kids. I'm not sleepy due to someone being on the windup and happy to chat; not due in work tomorrow as I've been feeling ill.

(edited to add, you stateside? You spell mom with an 'o', something I've always done even though I'm basically a Brit)

 

[10yearsstrong]

Hello Rorschach,

I am sorry I missed you.

And yes, I am from America... hence the "o".

You are very lucky to have such a big family.

 

[Rorschach]

Hey there 10yearsstrong, don't worry time zones are staggered with a pond between us. I was quite touched by the story you told in part, obviously loving my children what you describe is a nightmare scenario. I hope your mom is managing her condition better now. It might be of some reassurance that schizoaffective disorder has some positive characteristics; it's usually episodic rather than ongoing, and the affective component is thought to signify good long term prognosis.

Happy to chat at length, especially if you ever have thoughts about 'what was she possibly thinking?' Not that we're at all the same, but maybe I could shed light about how cognition with that diagnosis can function.

 

[maudikie]

To survived, now what?

I am so pleased you have go to UNI. wHAT ARE YOU STUDYING?

aBOUT YOUR MOTHER. iS SHE LIVING AT HOME OR IN CARE?
hAS SHE A c.p.n. OR sOCIAL WORKER?
hAVE YOU HAD AN assessment of need?
This should help you to find someone to relieve your burden. You have your own life as well as that of carer. I th in it i sSocial Services you need to approach for this - or if your Mum has a C.P.N. ask him/her about it.
I always say head down, chin up, nose to the grindstone!
Take care of yourself and get help/
All best wishes.