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Surgery tomorrow, panicking badly, could this be the end for me?

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The Sad Man

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Apr 4, 2016
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I have to have surgery on my ears for the third time. I feel like this time it's more of a complicated operation. I can't tell if my ears are too far from my head or not, and if they get put too close my skull will look ridiculously narrow for life, as my head is quite narrow. It's literally a matter of a couple of mm that seperate me from happiness and a lifetime of deformity.

One ear was overcorrected. If that isn't fixed when the suture is removed which is highly probable, I will be in a bad position. Similarly if my other ear is overcorrected/deformed I'm f*cked. There are so many ways for this to go wrong and very few ways for it to go right.

In certain lighting the other ear looks like it's out too much at the top and in other lighting it doesn't. It's driving me insane. I can't decide what I need to do. I suspect I'm going to f*ck myself up badly.

If this goes wrong and messes my face up and looks even worse than it does now, I will go way off the deep end.
 
P

Pushthebutton

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I think you will be ok. I just had major surgery on my chest a few weeks ago and was very nervous about what it might look like after it was all done. Or how it might heal. Or how it might not heal lol. But it will turn out fine for you I'm sure. Or you could ask yourself what's worse: leaving it the way it is now or attempting to have it fixed. All up to you I guess
 
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Saranoya

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Is this a surgery that will help preserve / restore the functional use of your ears? Or is it purely cosmetic?

I'm asking because, if it's the former, you may be able to ease your anxiety somewhat if you focus on all the reasons why this surgery is simply something you *have* to do in order for your physical problems to be resolved, or at least lessened, rather than something you *can* do to make your ears look better. If you have a physical problem that can only be treaded with surgery, then what you should be thinking right now is: my ears don't work right, and the only chance I have of fixing that is this surgery.

Do that, and you have nothing to loose. If it goes well, whatever was wrong with your ears will have been fixed. If it goes wrong, at least you tried the only thing you could to make it better. And if your ears look weird after the surgery, but they work the way they should, well ... don't you think the surgery will have been worth it?
 
T

The Sad Man

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It went wrong as expected. I look terrible. My life can't go forward anymore. I want to die. I'm just afraid of the concept of non-existence. But I don't have a choice. There's nothing left in life for me.

I love my nan and grandad very much.
 
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Helena1

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maybe it will look better when it is healed. can't you grow you hair long and cover them up?
 
T

Tonic

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I knew someone who had their ear completely removed in surgery. I didn't even notice. They had short hair too.

People don't tend to look at ears. Mine are always covered by my hair. It would not be easy for me to see them in the mirror either, I don't think.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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It went wrong as expected. I look terrible. My life can't go forward anymore. I want to die. I'm just afraid of the concept of non-existence. But I don't have a choice. There's nothing left in life for me.

I love my nan and grandad very much.
Hi,
I'm so sorry about your operation, it can take weeks for the swelling etc to go down.
Take care
 
T

The Sad Man

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I look bad with long hair... I'm so devastated. I paid lots of money and went through several operations just to try and get normal ears and after it all they are back to sticking out.

I had several hysterical fits of crying and clawing at the air trying to wake up from a bad dream. But this is how I'm stuck forever now. I understand the surgeon put a lot of effort in because the ear was all chewed up. But to be honest the chewed up ear didn't bother me half as much as the protrusion and I've now ended up with an ear that protrudes EVEN MORE than before. I can't have further operations. I feel ungrateful for not appreciating the work but also it's basically the complete opposite of what I wanted to have done. But I'm too shy and timid plus I was so petrified of having it done, so I was unable to express this to the surgeon before the operation.

I'm extremely sad. I've also messed with the bandage and will probably get an infection now.
 
P

Pushthebutton

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Usually it takes a while for things to start looking the way they are going to look when they heal. Once it starts healing I'm sure it will look much different than it does now.
 
T

The Sad Man

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Usually it takes a while for things to start looking the way they are going to look when they heal. Once it starts healing I'm sure it will look much different than it does now.
I'm not sure if they will go out more or come in more. I went to the operation already feeling devastated, because I felt there was almost no way for the surgery to go well considering the circumstance. I don't know if I will look better now or worse. I'm in a complete state, and the weather here is so hot I can't relax or feel comfortable. I'm in pain, I'm hot, I can't sleep, I can't hear because of the bandage. I don't know why I wasn't just born with normal looking ears, NOBODY else in my family has the cartoon-esque freaky ears I was born with. It makes me think I was deformed by medication my mother had no choice but to take while I was still in the womb.
 
T

The Sad Man

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By the way crosspost explaining what happened. If somebody could read and let me know if they think I did the right or wrong thing, I think it would be helpful for me.

Unfortunately I got into a really difficult predicament from which there was no way out.
I had a surgery to pin my ears back a year ago. My ears went in the right amount and I was happy but one of my ears was crumpled up and looked weird. I could live with this... But as the ears relaxed over the year the two ears started looking more and more asymmetric until I was embarassed to be seen because it was obvious I'd had work done, and the deformity on the right side looked more and more obvious.

So I went back for another operation. I was mostly upset with the protrusion of the normal ear after it relaxed. But putting it back would mean leaving the right ear deformed for life and even moving it back a bit to make the deformity even worse. PLUS I would have slightly risked ending up with a weird looking left ear too.

So instead I got the right ear fixed to look like the other one that looks a bit too far out.

Now it looks like a human ear again but both of my ears stick out a bit too much :(... I feel so depressed because I was happy with how the result looked last time I had it done and felt happy and confident about my ears for the first time in my life. I thought I could finally move on with my life. Now it feels like it's all been taken away from me!!!! :( but I couldn't take paying to get the ear purposefully deformed again and the deformity did bother me a bit... Plus I couldn't tell whether it made my head look too narrow having them close to my head. I'm feeling serious grief though, I feel like I lost a part of myself. The ears aren't out DRAMATICALLY now, but more than ideal.

I'm also not sure how the right ear now matches the left side it might still look in more or perhaps out more it's so, so, so stressful.

I can't have any more operations I don't think because I've had 3 now. Plus I can't take the stress of it all... I've felt suicidal after two of the surgeries I had and may still be suicidal if it looks uneven and Dumbo-esque when the bandage is off.

Thank you for listening.
Did I do the wrong thing?
 
S

Saranoya

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You did what you did because, at the very least when you made that decision, it felt like the right thing to you. You've felt confident about your ears before, so it is possible. Maybe it'll happen again. And if it does happen again, you won't feel that you might have done the wrong thing, anymore.

Right now, there is just no way to know. You have to let your ears heal and in the mean time, you have to try to focus on other things. I know that's no easy feat, having just had surgery and all, but it's the only way for you to get through these next few weeks and months, until both your ears settle into their final positions.

By the way: no matter what your ears look like, I am 99% sure that nobody else thinks they look as bad as you do. Someone upthread said it: people don't tend to look at ears. I know that's a small comfort, because it is a huge concern to you and so it's difficult to imagine why it wouldn't be a huge concern to anybody else. But I am telling you, to most people, it doesn't matter.
 
T

The Sad Man

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You did what you did because, at the very least when you made that decision, it felt like the right thing to you. You've felt confident about your ears before, so it is possible. Maybe it'll happen again. And if it does happen again, you won't feel that you might have done the wrong thing, anymore.

Right now, there is just no way to know. You have to let your ears heal and in the mean time, you have to try to focus on other things. I know that's no easy feat, having just had surgery and all, but it's the only way for you to get through these next few weeks and months, until both your ears settle into their final positions.

By the way: no matter what your ears look like, I am 99% sure that nobody else thinks they look as bad as you do. Someone upthread said it: people don't tend to look at ears. I know that's a small comfort, because it is a huge concern to you and so it's difficult to imagine why it wouldn't be a huge concern to anybody else. But I am telling you, to most people, it doesn't matter.
The left ear wasn't operated on, only the right one. Before this surgery I just had, the right one looked inside out and like it had been chewed up by a pitbull. That is fixed, but the ear now looks a bit further out than what is ideal for my tastes.

Ideally I wanted the deformity on my right ear fixed and then both ears moved in closer to my head, but I think it was impossible to do all of that, as just fixing the deformity was already an extremely complex procedure.
 
T

The Sad Man

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I'm so unhappy. I never wanted this surgery, I just felt like I had no choice. I really don't like my new face, it's causing me a lot of pain feeling this way. I feel sad and disappointed, and like I've lost a part of myself. I've been sleeping with [moderated] every night. I know it won't kill me, but the idea there's a REMOTE possibility of not waking up is the only thing allowing me to sleep (because I can forget my problems thinking they no longer matter), so I've been having to do it to get to sleep. If I don't do this, I'm up all night feeling sad.

I'm really down about it all and haven't felt happy since I got it done a week ago. I've cried hysterically numerous times just over the past week. I turned up to the hospital feeling sad, I made numerous threads about the surgery before it happened because I really didn't want the surgery and it was causing me a lot of stress.

I sort of feel like my life is ruined. I hate my new face so much and I can't correct it now :( I feel deeply depressed every time I see a mirror.
 
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