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Supporting someone with depression

H

HD2

Member
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
9
Location
Uk
I am trying to support my partner of 10 years who is struggling with bad depression which got extremely bad from Christmas 2020. We agreed to sell our home and buy somewhere else to see if it would help after trying many other things but it’s not sold and my partner thinks getting out of our home will help him and wants to rent somewhere on his own to see if it helps going somewhere his parents had never been. He’s says it’s nothing personal towards me it’s just he needs to feel better. I’m not keen I feel quite hurt by it but I don’t know if I should be supporting his decision if it will help. I’d really appreciated any advice I just ask please be gentle with me because I’m quite emotional right now.
 
2

2Much2Feel

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Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,196
Location
US
OK, I can only offer my own experience, not certain what your exact situation is. I was married 20 years to someone who is basically always happy (ie, my complete opposite) and I know he struggled in much the same way you are struggling to support me. I did the same, left him for about 8 months to live on my own, ended up coming back. Just was really depressed. He ended up taking some classes on how to help me, it got so bad, so he got a lot better at knowing what to say and do when I was really in a bad spot.

It can feel so helpless when you're trying to help someone going through this, and like you are failing. It's just hard to reach someone when they are feeling that intensely bad. So I'd give him his space, as hard as that may be, but also let him know you're there for him if you want to continue the relationship. From my experience trying to help people in this spot, even though I've been there it can be impossible to really get through to them. Just letting them know you are there for them, even when they push you away, can make all the difference. You sound like a really caring person and obviously love him, don't be hard on yourself if you can't reach him right now. Even those of us who have gone through it are often at a loss for words or actions when others are in it. I think finding a therapist for him may be a good first step.
 
Sash1

Sash1

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
256
Location
Uk
Hi HD..

I live alone, but have some very good support from family/one or two friends. When I'm at my lowest(which I am at the moment)my sister or son always offer to come and stay with me. They're very caring compassionate people as you seem very much to be.
I obviously can only speak for myself.
But with absolutely no disrespect to them, or their offer, I much prefer to be alone. I don't know why..But the kindness and love our support have for us(which is yourself towards your husband) doesn't go unnoticed. I know that if I phone anyone of them, they will answer, if I need to see them, even just for 10 minutes sometimes, they're here. Having that space alone, helps, but we know your never far away.
You and your husband sound so respectfull each other.
I also know that my sister, son and friend have secret chats with each other, just to check in with each other in that I'm ok..
And honestly, it really isn't anything personal..........
Hope your feeling a bit better about it all.
 
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