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Supporting Partner with Depression/Sadness

A

AdviceReq

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2020
Messages
1
Location
Newcastle
Hi everyone, I’ve joined the forum to see if anyone has any advice, tips, similar experiences. My boyfriend started to become depressed a couple of years ago and it Was a terrible time for both of us and our relationship but we got through it. He has started to share that he feels down again and sad, he won’t go to the doctors to talk about this or receive any help. He drinks everyday and has irrational anger outbursts. He has a great job but high stress and everyone thinks he is the soul of the party. Some days he will wake up full of energy, hyper, full of love and other days he will be so snappy, depressed and grumpy. I would love some advice on how to support and also coping mechanisms as this is not easy. Sometimes I just think that I can’t support him anymore as it brings me down but every time he feels this way I ensure that I am good first to not drain my levels and show him support. I find the best way is to give him some space and pick up the slack when he is low like doing more for the house, the meals etc to help. Some days it’s truly breaks my heart as he won’t tell anyone but me and I know I can’t help him unless he helps himself. Deep down I wonder if this will ever change, I have asked him numerous times to get help and to not drink as much but he laughs it off. I have made his Mam and Dad aware but he just puts on a front that he is fine. We have been together for 10 years. Any advice is appreciated thank you
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5,177
Location
England
Hello and welcome to the forum. You are such a caring partner. You are in a very difficult situation because if somebody refuses to get professional help there is little you can do. Him drinking is likely his way of coping but in the long term this will add to his depression. You have told his parents which is a very good idea. I think you need to seriously think about if you can stay in this relationship. If he does not get professional help then the depression will not just go on its own. It may be you have to live with him like this. You have been so supportive but your mental health is important too.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
564
Location
California, US
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Mental illnesses always affect those who are carers for the one who is struggling with the condition.

I would like to offer you some helpful tricks to entice your man to get help or additional ways to support him yourself. Truthfully, you're already doing more than may be is healthy for you to do and he will never benefit from professional help until he is ready to admit he needs and wants it.

In my own recovery from depression, I've modeled how therapy has helped heal me. Now, some in my family are capable of self-reflection and sought help after seeing how far I've come. Some did not. "Other-ing", the defense mechanism that let's humans tell ourselves "that's not me" is powerful. And men like myself were culturally conditioned not to talk about our problems and to solve them our own selves. Which is why we drink.
 
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