Super jealous

K

Kaz333

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How do I stop being super jealous and anxious I'm sick of being that person, an hurting an destroying good people and relationships with my craziness by people I me my boyfriend an my ex I feel bad but just can't control my jealousy an anxiety I have social anxiety also which is hard for me an my partner any advice would be much appreciated thanks.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Hi Kaz
Jealousy is a hard emotion to control but you can do it with practice. Start a journal, write down what thoughts have been going through your mind and then challenge them. You should find that most of them have a reasonable and valid explanation. I know i used to be paranoid about my husband but over time i realised that it was all in my own mind and he wasnt doing anything wrong.
You need to build up trust in these relationships, if trust is broken it is very hard to get it back.
Keep talking,
Hugs
Fox
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Hi Kaz333,

What are you jealous of, and why? Dig to the root of the issue, and tackle it at the source :)

Much love <3
 
K

Kaz333

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Thanks guys for your replys I don't know why I'm like this i can see a woman in a bikini if I'm without my partner an I mite think man she looks good an I mite feel like 5% jealous then it passes but if my partner sees her aswel i just go crazy inside I want to scream an cry an get angry an depressed about it i just think he's looking at her like eye candy like ohh look at her then in my head i think an look at me I'm nothing it makes me feel ugly an fat if he sees a girl in a bikin or in short shorts or if she has a sexy dress on or cleavage out if we saw a nude sexy woman I would like lose my sh#t an feel like getting drunk or something to get away! I hate it when we're watching a movie an there's a nude or sex scene I just cringe so bad an will even change the channel asap even if theres a pretty girl on a tv ad I feel inferior!! But when I'm single I'm completely fine? I don't know why this is but it makes being in a relationship horrible is this called ocd jealously?
 
K

Kaz333

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I'm basically jealous of woman's body's and or careers if my partner is with me otherwise I don't think to much about it if he's not around
 
LORD BURT

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I'm basically jealous of woman's body's and or careers if my partner is with me otherwise I don't think to much about it if he's not around
You are jealous of an image. Of what is seen on a superficial level. Meh it will pass. You have done the hard step of admitting this - which takes a fair amount of soul searching.
 
K

Kaz333

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Thanks yea i guess its not important stuff I'm jealous about but that's the world we live in now it's all about how you look what you have your great career bla bla bla I've admitted it big time my partner is well aware I've cried to him time an time again saying I'm so sorry I do this I just can't stop I feel inferior he an I argue about it alot he just keeps saying oh stop it man he's had enough an I don't blame him it's not fear to always be questioned an accused of looking at someone but at the same time I've told him we need to do stuff together go out on dates an spend romantic time together I'd love it if he was spontaneous these things may help I've said that to him but it's been years since we went out. I am getting help but but my councler just says if you keep it up you'll push him away which does not help at all.
 
K

Kaz333

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Hes also very social an I have social anxiety an find it hard to talk to people so he'll say to me oh so an sos girlfriend doesn't not let them go to this or that party or has an argument about his wife an his gf want to go out an socialise so I also feel like im less because I cant talk to people an do normal things I'm not confidentan his friends wife's an partners are!! Him comparing me doesn't help at all
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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I guess if you spend more quality time with your bf, and less time with the social group you will be happier.

Confidence comes in times like drops of water turning into a lake.
 
K

Kaz333

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Thanks it helps being able to speak to someone I'm happy I found this site, do you think I have like ocd jealousy? To me it seems way more out of control an contentious it runs me I don't run it?
 
K

Kaz333

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Hi thanks for writing to me I'm jealous when my partner sees good looking woman or if he's around a woman who has a great career an is confident an talking about he career an how great she is basically
 
R_Sxo

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It sounds like you may also experience low self esteem. Comparing yourself to others all the time only makes you feel worse - why? Because we focus on the best parts of them, and assume that the rest of their life is that high quality, which we are inferior to. It is an unreasonable expectation that causes frustration due to inability to reach an impossible target, and thus fuelling this jealousyx

<3
 
K

Kaz333

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Yea it's just I go by what I can see I know they may have other issues or flaws but since they don't show that I don't take it into account an I compare solely on what I see and alot of girls these days really act on how great an perfect they are the world is so vain it's hard to see what's important I'm 28 years nearly 29 I should be confident by now?
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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I think the best way to look at it is that everyone has their own struggles. In the same way that you and I fight our personal battles, everyone else has their own demons to face. When you compare yourself to others, do you find that you see others as perfect, and see yourself as simply "bad" or "not good enough"? In that case, you are being heavily overcritical of yourself, while seeing others as impossibly amazing beings, which only undermines your confidence and esteem.x

Much love <3

Much love <3
 
K

Kaz333

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So true but so hard to just stop its like a part of me just does it while most of me sees its wrong an hurtful on myself and my partner who is very loyal an trustworthy I just can't stop it I know it's a waste of time energy an I'm not seeing them as real people with their own real problems maybe at home work school love life personal issues, how do I just stop I get annoyed at myself after I've accused my partner of looking at a female etc I'm ready to stop I just think it's like ocd an I need medication for it? I've been prescribed effexor for my anxiety depression an social avoidance will they help with this jealous stuff too maybe?
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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I think that it's a difficult place to be. What works for one issue won't necessarily help with another. Maybe medication would help, but I think it's more important to find out where this comes from. Dig deep into the root of the issue - when did you first notice that you felt these behaviours begin?x
 
K

Kaz333

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When I was a child I started feeling less important then my sister she was daddy's little angle is what myself an other siblings would call her an she would poke fun at me to try make our dad laugh which he would most times an then spent most my life being the sister of the pretty out going lots of friends sister who all the boys liked I was the shy one who only had a few friends an wasn't very confident no one knew who I was even now people will say oh are you #### sister I didn't know she had a sister!! Even the guy I'm with now liked an wanted to get to know my sister before he met me they even went on a date him an every other guy in my town knew her an liked her basically an my now partner was one of them she never liked him but he liked her an thought she was hot sexy what ever you want to call it. This part has taken me a long time to get over even now when she an he are around each other I get annoyed an don't like them talking it's been like 6 years I should be over it but i don't want him thinking she's cooler better looking or more confident then me so I don't like him being around her. So how do I fix this? X thanks
 
R_Sxo

R_Sxo

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Firstly, I think it's important to know that being less outgoing doesn't make you inferior. Perhaps your sister went out more and was seen by others as more attractive, but in reality, people will think what they want. You could have spent more time reading or crafting, and have a skill that she doesn't. Point being, yes she went out, but you did other things during that time, and that was a good use for your time for you!

In regard to your partner, perhaps he did like your sister before, but he's chosen you now, hasn't he? If he really didn't want to be with you, he would just walk away and pursue your sister's heart instead. But he hasn't. He's chosen you, and I think that deserves some credit. You can't change the past (him liking your sister), but you can change your future (you two staying together in love!) <3
 
S

Shanester72

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Hello R Sxo. I can totally relate. I also end up destroying my relationships. I think it has to do with my own self worth. I feel like nobody will love me and I feel unworthy. Insecurities but it all comes from being hurt and wounded in the past. Btw I tried PM you I'm not sure if it worked or not
 
C

CastorRabbit

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I too have this anxiety. I view all women I see as beautiful, I always find beauty in them. When my man and I are together I always have thoughts inside my head about if he is looking at the other women, if he thinks they are more beautiful then me. I have never been confident with myself, but I’m school have always had the admiration of the men and even in college was considered to be one of the best looking women by others. I did not see it and still do not. I think it stems from my childhood, how my mother always compared me to other little girls in beauty. She would always tell me my nose was too big (I’m half Korean and half European descent) she would also comment on how I wasn’t skinny enough like so and so. It was very hard for me. When I was around 8 years to 11 years old I went through an ugly duckling stage and my cousins on my fathers side were extremely mean and would comment on my faults and say I was ugly. I also have a scar on my stomach from birth and they would tease me about it. I have never seen myself as very beautiful, sometimes I look at myself and think, OK I look fine, I look pretty good, my hair looks good today. But, inside I always compare myself to those beauties who make beauty their life, perfect bodies, perfect hair, perfect everything. I have had people tell me how can you even think that about yourself? You know you’re so beautiful— how could you not know? In college the boys would all look my way, comment on my looks, talk about me. But I really don’t see what they see. I just see faults. I just find ugliness. I am not perfect looking like the women I see that get famous for their muscular toned bodies, with perfect hair and makeup. I don’t wear makeup most of the time and I don’t do my hair, I leave it natural. I am 28 years old nearly 29 and I am becoming more intent with my viewing myself as ugly. I feel the older I get, I will be more and more content, as older women usually do not get looked at or expected to be beautiful like young women. I just wish I could go off grid and not have to deal with Society and the constant pressures a woman feels to be perfect, perfect body, perfect skin, makeup, hair, clothes, shoes. *sigh* it’s all very tiring to be a woman in this day and age.
 
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