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Summertime sadness

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aero89

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I find my mood fluctuates a lot including in winter. But it also drops as the weather improves and I feel greater social pressures and expectations. People seem happier and I feel resentful and like I'm failing. The easing of lockdown in UK is actually starting to make me feel like this. I'm starting to have less motivation to go outside and exercise. I'm also feeling like I need to hibernate and withdraw. I wish I could be happy for other people, with lockdown easing, being able to do things and see friends/family again. Anyone have similar experiences?
 
Jolly

Jolly

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Exactly how I feel. Sometimes I wonder if they are happy or putting on a mask when out (like me when I work) and then come home and I am a quivering wreck. I was okay I think with lockdown. I don’t do shopping as hubby does that so really part time work and home.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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It's probably best that you don't compare yourself to other people. That will only get you down like you say. You might be having situational depression (also known as reactive depression) at this time of year. It's understandable how you feel.
 
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Purpleplum

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So, you liked it when everyone was stuck inside like you but now they're getting out and living their lives and you're still the same...is that right?

Do you want to be doing the things they do?

It's ok to be different.
 
Jolly

Jolly

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I would love to do the things other people do. I am not jealous of them. I just wish the anxiety would lessen. I also think a little agoraphobia has set in. So a walk around the block would do me the world of good. My hubby will come with me. Because I suffer with vestibular problems it is quite hard as I look a little tipsy when walking then I get more anxious but I am sure eventually I will do it on my own.
 
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aero89

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@Jolly I'm guessing you meant that many people could be putting on a mask (figuratively) to appear that they are finding it easier than they are. Life sounds exhausting right now for you. I'm impressed you're working. Can't be easy.

@MeAndMyDepression yeah I know it would be good for me not to compare myself to others. I am trying but old patterns are strong.

@Purpleplum I didn't like people being stuck inside. It has made people's lives much harder in so many ways which I couldn't possibly imagine. I don't really want people to suffer. I felt less pressure and less alone when everyone was unable to do their usual socialising and nightlife was restricted. I think I would like to do what others are doing but I'm scared, anxious and pessimistic about managing the changes and my social abilities. With lockdown there was less choice. I could do online courses or walking... Or walking.... Or more walking. People had to be alone or with one other person in public places. I feel more comfortable 1:1. You didn't see groups of people together and all my neighbours' lights were off by 9.30pm! My flatmate (a couple) would eat, watch a film or go for a walk and in bed by 9pm.
 
Jolly

Jolly

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We all suffer on here in different ways and how we cope. I manage at work as hubby takes me and brings me back. I have a room on my own. The director knows about it so I do feel easier knowing I can leave if I want to. It is exhausting but it is for all on here otherwise we would not be on. Take care everyone
 
P

Purpleplum

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@Jolly I'm guessing you meant that many people could be putting on a mask (figuratively) to appear that they are finding it easier than they are. Life sounds exhausting right now for you. I'm impressed you're working. Can't be easy.

@MeAndMyDepression yeah I know it would be good for me not to compare myself to others. I am trying but old patterns are strong.

@Purpleplum I didn't like people being stuck inside. It has made people's lives much harder in so many ways which I couldn't possibly imagine. I don't really want people to suffer. I felt less pressure and less alone when everyone was unable to do their usual socialising and nightlife was restricted. I think I would like to do what others are doing but I'm scared, anxious and pessimistic about managing the changes and my social abilities. With lockdown there was less choice. I could do online courses or walking... Or walking.... Or more walking. People had to be alone or with one other person in public places. I feel more comfortable 1:1. You didn't see groups of people together and all my neighbours' lights were off by 9.30pm! My flatmate (a couple) would eat, watch a film or go for a walk and in bed by 9pm.
You don't have to be like them. You don't have to stress that you wouldn't be comfortable doing what they like. What they do is not the cure for happiness. It's what works for THEM. it's what makes THEM feel comfortable. If it doesn't feel comfortable to you, don't do it.
 
A

aero89

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Apparently i have 'rejection sensitivity' according to therapist. I'm scared everyone will reject me. Makes sense to me.

With lockdown easing I feel this more as there is an expectation that things are getting better. Which they are in many ways for many people. But i still feel this
 
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my_lovely_username

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I find my mood fluctuates a lot including in winter. But it also drops as the weather improves and I feel greater social pressures and expectations. People seem happier and I feel resentful and like I'm failing. The easing of lockdown in UK is actually starting to make me feel like this. I'm starting to have less motivation to go outside and exercise. I'm also feeling like I need to hibernate and withdraw. I wish I could be happy for other people, with lockdown easing, being able to do things and see friends/family again. Anyone have similar experiences?
I'm sorry you're going through this, it's also how I feel right now. Lockdown was a really pleasant break from a world which feels too loud and busy and it was nice to not face the obligation and discomfort of seeing certain people. I always find longer days and warmer weather difficult as it seems to make people just want more and more interaction, which I struggle to cope with due to my nervous system being fried. Then I feel guilty for not being able to be happy around other people because I know I'm not pleasant to be around when I'm like this.

I'm not sure about you, but I think I'm finding it hard because my life was isolated and lacklustre before the lockdown and that's essentially what I'm returning to. There's a long road ahead in creating a lifestyle and environment that works for me and that's really daunting. Lockdown wasn't good either, but we were at least all in the same boat with it. 'Back to normal' isn't a return to anything pleasurable for me the way it is for many other people.

I'm trying to approach it by exercising either early in the morning or the evening, when it's generally quieter outside. I don't want to completely isolate myself because I know that's not healthy, but I get so stressed forcing myself out in the middle of the day and don't gain any benefit from it. I'm putting boundaries in place with people too and only meeting up with plenty of notice beforehand so I can mentally prepare myself for it.

Sorry, I do run on a bit. You're not alone in this, that's what I'm trying to get across.
x
 
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aero89

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Thank you for sharing @my_lovely_username its helpful to hear about other people going through similar experiences. But I'm also sorry you're going through this too. Making and creating change definitely feels daunting.

It seems like you have some good strategies in place with exercising, going out either earlier or later when it's quieter and setting boundaries around socialising.

Before lockdown I guess i was feeling similar about my life to how I'm feeling now. Although i go up and down constantly.

It's horrible to say but when i knew others were isolated and struggling I felt better about my own difficulties. That it felt more OK to spend time alone, or just 1:1 with someone else, things being quiet, staying inside the house during my low periods or just walking as there was no where to go was normal behaviour.

Im just repeating myself really.

I can relate to feeling guilty and believing that I'm not being good company for other people. All I seem to be able to talk about is depression, anxiety, the past, moods, triggers, trauma etc... Anything mental health related.
 
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my_lovely_username

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Thank you, yes, I know exactly what you mean. It was horrible to see other people getting down but there was also this sense of "Welcome to my world" and I felt less alone and self conscious about it. It's a weird one because it's not like I enjoyed the restrictions, it's the feeling of being accepted/acting acceptable that's hard to recreate. I'm sure things can improve, it's just very overwhelming.

I think when mental health affects you on the daily it can be hard for it not to affect conversation in some way. It sounds like a positive thing that you can open up to people. It's so hard to fake 'happy' in conversation when you're really not feeling it!
 
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aero89

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england
Bipolar and/or bpd is latest. Given depression, anxiety, narcisstic personality disorder before.

All really lovely labels 😳

Therapist doesn't want to categorise but I've clearly got some sort of personality disorder.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Okay. Why do you think it's a personality disorder exactly? Also, are you male or female? (this question is in relation to the seasonal aspect of depression).
 
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