- Oct 30, 2010
I am very unstable right now. I feel like my ptsd is fully triggered. I am so so sad. I am hurt that I did not get responses to my mail but Terry may be on lockdown. I looked at the new listings but that is depressing me. I have a couple new ones out, too soon to hear from them. Wrote one today. But I am out of stamps until the 3d, payday. I went from a level of happy all the time to a layer of depression stifling my breath over night. the hurt from my grandson is awful. It won't take much to round up the dishes, wash the sinks and be caught up with that today. I don't know what to do with my time. I am just lost about that. I said I would give up next semester so David can go. But so scared of becoming depressed. The academics keep me interested, learning and busy. Housekeeping as a vocation just does not work for me. God knows I have tried. Hopefully David will get his disability fixed today or very soon. We are being squeezed out financially by this screw up on his benefits. He is lucky he showed up today and got an appmt this afternoon. Maybe he can fax it in? I couldn't get myself to go outside yesterday and David ignored me when I wanted to talk to him about it. I don't think he loves me like he used to. He seems to be putting off hostile vibes. I know he is depressed and feeling hostile about the screw up with our monies and it is a really big deal. We can't pay our bills and need it fixed asap. I guess we are not snuggle sleeping because it is too hot.