Summer Vacation 2019

tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
so lazy and unmotivated. I did pick up a few things from my hot spot (trash). I finished unit 1 on intro to polysci. I don't have it at a 93 but probably 1/2. and I won't need it for 2 more semesters. The plan is to know it backwards and forwards when that semester runs. blush of shame, I asked David to load the dishwasher. He has been out weed eating the last couple of days. Today I brought myself to go out and look the garden over. I hate/can't deal with my lack of privacy. The lovely young lady next door came out with her newborn to meet her 2 littles at the bus and I did not go talk to her. I strolled to the back and around. WOW, those dappled willows we planted as a fence are awesome. They have grown so quickly! And they are pretty, some have pink tips. The bad neighbors from when we planted them have moved. I wish David would forget about them. I have. They are at the point where David can lay a twig on the ground, put a rock to hold it down and it will root there. Time to make willow babies. (They will be moved later) I am trying to talk to him about seeds. but he had to uber Joe to the ballpark and pick up our money. I asked him to stop and get me a carton of General Tsao's chicken. We have some pork chops that must be used too. Hmmm, maybe some cream of mushroom. Bought it and veg for twice cooked pork but do not have the spices and I can't eat anything that hot and spicy too late. The chicken will be only a little spicy. Need to use the potatoes. but what am I actually going to do? well, what I have been doing. toking a smoke. I should have gone along or waited and we just do the buffet. I just think it is too expensive for mainly chicken. I am picky about chicken. My first husband and I had oriental dinner parties...beef, scallops, broccoli and used other spices. No internet then..................sad: I did not even see my azaleas bloom. That getting out thing needs a real good reason. hmmmm. The flower beds are worth it, so,..I need to smoke and channel some Beaver Lake (a prior home) cultivation..but that was lakeside a completely whole different thing. did some more hot spot help. The trash is near full. no dishes left. in the office. The chair is cleared. Do I really want to spend my time in a mess? No. I want everything staged. Reminds me of Evelyn's glass...yard by yard, it is hard, but inch by inch, it's a cinch. lol I am not getting it either way. Man,I am ready for David to get home. My blood pressure is out of whack. Visual blurring. vertigo. Didn't properly eat yesterday either. Would he stay for the game to save time and money? I think there was only one game. Emptied trash and did I just hear him drive up?..yes!
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
He went to the buffet to pick it up. If he is going to do that then we need to refine what we want from it and get enough to feed both of us for about 1/2 the price.
I am sending my daughter and family the coolest recipe/food book for mother's day. Victuals is the title. You can get it for $1.99 digital but the hardcopy is worth the $20 if you can do it.

I was going over my academics most of the morning, preparing for those meetings that I don't like because PTSD. But I realized if I really do the political science here at home ahead of time, I could take a 2 class semester! that would be a great trial balloon. But chill, tilta, you have to get ahead of the absences first. Also remember that I used to take 12-15 credit hours per semester. Then I would graduate that 2nd semester but 1 at a time is 4 years and I am starting to not want to take that long. However, I will have electibles &?, ahead of the usual 60 credit hours to graduate. With this semester I have minimum of 66 credits. So when I graduate (associates) I will be mid junior level with an additional 12-18 credits. can probably graduate to senior with 3 courses at ETSU. then 30 for the bachelor's degree. Give in and take the math next summer.

I made it a june goal to get the office cleaned up. and I want David to help.

I am also going to get out in the garden. Waiting for David to wake up. Making baby willows at the least. Will have to wait for his back to get better before I can do seeds, but it is past time, need to do it.

So far all I have done is drink coffee and be on the net. toking.

I am going to go look up ETSU requirements.

And then I decided this is Friday, end of week, finish cleaning up the hot mess next to my chair. and I will be back because I am needing the support I get from posting here.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Yesterday I did not go back to bed or nap. I can't seem to come up with a stable policy for that. I went back to bed this morning but do not like getting up mid afternoon. David has really been sleeping in so that is a draw that makes me sleep longer if I go back to bed. I think it is longer?

I did not complete the mess by the chair but did put some effort in it and David has done some before I got up. He is emptying the dishwasher now.

I didn't go outside either. His back was hurting too much, so I just scratched it for the day.

Before going back to bed I read unit 1.1 in politics. It is time to start making study notes.

Almost another trash can to empty. Those count!

I was thinking about how other people listen to music, esp. the kind you play to pep you up as you take care of chores. I used to do that. But music has left our house. I intentionally played/watch The Allman Brothers "The High Cost of Low Living" I stopped listening to music and started watching it. All the time in Argentina.
I had planned to listen to music. I bought the BOSE radio when I got my settlement. I will try it out tomorrow morning. I think I would like to listen to some later John Mellencamp but I think my cd is scratched up.
David is watching a documentary set in the middle ages. I don't like it.

So, what? I am not tied to this room. I need to go reload the dishwasher. Pick up clothes off bedroom floor and etc. Unfortunately my energy level is sub zero.

I did a lot of academic research on ETSU. It is both confusing and ambitious. My next class is World Regional Geography. It does not count towards anything. But that damned math teacher completely triggered my PTSD. I know this prof won't make an issue of absences while I make a real work of it to attend. One class at a time, one learns so much more and it is far easier to get high grades. That is going to take too long, however. I just know how to work with her, find the classes interesting, and know I will get a high grade which I need to stay in honors. The class fits in my personal area of exploration and future classes. Having taken her class this last semester this also makes it within my safety zone. I don't need that politics I have been preparing for at home either, but I very much want it. I will have to look up again the schedule for those classes. I wanted to do politics in 2020 due to current/future events. But, this next semester seems an advantaged opportunity to try 2 classes and learn to have another instructor instead of freaking out, wary of them. Stop, Tilta. You have listened to others who took that course and they had good to say. The US History is a requirement, I want the honor program so I get that instructor. Statistics is required too. I can't take the math I really want because the crazy lady orchestrates that nightmare...but statistics is required a level or 2 up, so better off. I used to be too afraid of it. not anymore. It is so poignant that when I was well I took 4 or 5 classes a semester. If I could do that now I could graduate in one semester + 1 class follow up (science). major ugh on the tough level biology. I do not want to take it but must. for it I can only take 1 class at a time. a year of biology. cries.

I have to fashion to get my house running so I can do summer classes as well. With things in order, we are good about putting dinner on early in the crockpot or oven & etc.

With a blank canvas each morning, I vacillate how and what options make a good life for me. Which fears to face and stare in the eye. I have so many that I allowed to cripple me. staying in my security zone that goes nowhere much. I have lost much more than I needed to.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Ambitions:
per week for flexibility

Have a conversation with David.
Keep up academics.
Watch a music when I get high.
Clean something.
Garden
social media

when I take cannabis I tend to naturally take 1/3 less of benzo. But I can't go round high all the time. I need my lobes for the academics. and strangers. That fear has to go. I didn't have it before. I don't want Dabney to be able to do this to me. But I was reclusive without her. She just brought fear to school, my safe place. My AMBITION is to take 2 courses next semester. I have appmts with advisers and medical appmts.
I am smoking and watching the Simon and Garfunkel *best duet* ever, live at Central Park reunion. This is great! I will keep the high up.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
music appreciation & radio. took the "at hands" meds & stuffs from floor to drawer. goodies wrappers all in trash, which is full. Got more done today than yesterday. hmmm, David just commented on that. He went to bed 1/2 through. He just got up to silence and went to NCIS straight away. It is only quiet in the mornings before he gets up and I enjoy my mornings. and do my coursework. I am at one of those awkward moments now. David doesn't want to talk. What is the next right thing to do? spent some time on all of it except garden. ok, rule of the day. extra goes on academics as they are the only things that I only do 1 time. but what if I get high?
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Messages
5,027
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Well, this morning early I got to listen to the rain playing on the tin intermittantly with the song birds talking about it in between.
Bringing forward my list

Ambitions:
per week for flexibility

Have a conversation with David.
Keep up academics.
Watch a music when I get high.
Clean something.
Garden
social media

+open blinds to garden when it turned light. listened to a couple tunes, no interest; I read but need to make out study notes. The Garden is wet and David's knockout rose is brilliant. I spent about a minute decluttering. My focus has been on the toke-us. Fettucini Alfredo for dinner.

I took a step outside and startled 2 birds off David's feeder. Reclaiming my silence. Picking at the hotspot. One of the birds has come back. I hear it.

Helen & Rachel snarked about getting a degree. They won't to my face. I know some stats off the top of my head but am letting this one pass. Maybe they didn't like the week long party I threw for myself. :) I earned my victory lap. I am going to take another when I finish the spot. That will be today. I just have to get out of my chair to finish it smh
Typing that provided the prompt to do it. Got out of my chair and finished the declutter.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Joined
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Messages
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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Napped not long enough, David was getting up but I had taken my meds. Short sleep. He put in Postcards From the Edge. He was in "my" recliner. Irrational but I got irritable from that alone. Have been playing Words. The drumbeat in my head: Clean Something. the minor, do the dishes.
I am going back for a Sunday sleep in and will do dishes when I get up. David brought me in a lovely bouquet of fuschia pink and light pink peonies. (Mother's Day)
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Awkward start, smoked, broken sleep, but David got up and we did news. NCIS now. Flylady says just jump in from where you are. I lost my my jumper. I am not helpless. But it is hard for me to get out of my chair some days. today is monday which call for 6 ten minute tasks. but declutter comes first. I can reach enough on the other side now to finish filling the trash. finished clearing off the side table. The earworm from my list is the simple "clean something".
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Stayed up with David the last couple of nights and it blows me up. I should know this. He will sleep in until he has enough sleep. I will not. He stays up much too late for me..but I just would like to have a cuddle to go to sleep, curled up warm and cozy. I am not in a very good mood. Hoping the coffee helps

I remembered to open the blind as I walked through. It makes the room hotter, so David will close it at some point or when the lighting changes. But I can see out and see the garden.

I am bleh. I will smoke and read on in polysci..if I can stand it. I have 2 long hard vocab lists.
I hand copied the first five.I am going to type them into my study guide a work in progress.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Messages
5,027
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Finally got a did it. Photo Tif in the mail to Tif, Nancy & my parents. I need to go open curtain, so will take dishes to sink. A moment of declutter. Song birds. :) Syrup to the kitchen! Wake to the bake. Let me see about decluttering the other side of the chair, filling a trash can? I will find some MUSIC and try that. brb
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
I picked up my hotspot, been good at that. opened the windows, carried dishes into kitchen, emptied office trash. coffee and cig time. I have been glued to my chair feeling awkward. I am working towards getting those things on auto pilot. It gets so tiresome feeling lost trying to come up with the next right thing that I am able to do.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
took a long hard nap. now it is very late but I really needed that. I can't believe my daughter did not let me know if grandson will graduate or not. I registered for world regional geography, political science runs same day/time, so scratch that plan. still need to get hold of honors lady.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
I didn't stay up long and went right back to sleep. Slept another 5hours until 8am...a normal time,woo-hoo!

I am really hating it that I can only take one class at a time. used to be 5 and if I could do that one more time I would be on the homestretch to graduate.
But I stressed as much or more just over one class last semester. I did learn so much more from having the single focus and always doing just that extra bit in order to score well. I loved my prof and that had a lot to do with it, and she was okay with my absences. So, I am taking her other class where I know what to expect and can get a 4.0. It is not a class that I need, per se but it is one I can do. I need to move on to get junior level classes. I have to get to where I can take 2 classes at a time. bbl
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Messages
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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
I got really really bored and wasted 2 days hanging out online. Woke up a real grouch this morning. Went back to bed shortly after noon. All I have done today is empty one sink this morning. I will get the other here in a little bit. Trying to figure out what is going on with my inmate, I am feeling used...but for that, it requires my cooperation but I have new info. Pissed at all the stupid politics. People are so gullible!
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Messages
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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
cornbread pans soaking, need to load for day 2. Sent postcard to parents. sad that I haven't heard back again from Trey or Terry. I have 2 or 3 new ones just sent out.dry shirts in laundry been token for an hour. I could go back to bed. David will sleep awhile yet. but I have been practicing staying up. I guess it doesn't matter at all does? School will be end of Aug. We just finished the 3 day beans & cornbread. A penny saved is a penny earned. Got my Now account. It has $10 in it for my dental surgeries. but I have been going for the oriental. Joe owes me 60 I owe that to David. But he will be out too. I already listed him 10 for sale. going to nap
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Messages
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Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
Day 3 flylady. I wish I had some mail to answer. Hm. absentism-show up for flylady every day. I am glad David is remembering to turn the tv off. Too early for him, he went back to bed. He will unload the dishwasher later. I have that mess to pick up by the chair. Got almost 1/2 of it. the focus is the dishes.Not in the mood for a nap. I am in the mood to go out with David and add starts to the dappled willow. Maybe move a lily.
plant the cosmos.
 
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