- Feb 20, 2009
Yesterday I felt like taking my life. I have just come back from the UK. I have 2 sons, 1 I have not seen for 14 years, he has slight learning disabilities and is now 28. When I separated from my ex husband the children were at his mothers house. He would not let me see them, or talk to them. My ex and his family told a load of lies about me, and poisoned there minds. My youngest son got in touch with me, and we are in constant contact, we have to keep it from my ex as he would kick off even though he is 25. I got in touch with my eldest son a few months back, each Tuesday I would phone him. Gradually he came to trust me, and looked forward to my phone call. I met him while in the UK, we had such a lovely day, and arranged to meet again. He text to say that he didn´t want to meet, then changed his mind, then changed it back again. I thought that my ex had found out, I phoned up and spoke to my ex. I saw my son again, and had a lovely day. When he got home my ex was funny with him. He is annoyed that I phoned up, and is ignoring my youngest son. This is all down to me. I tried to phone my eldest, he would not answer the phone, I knew that he was there because the phone was engaged once. I felt really bad yesterday for the trouble that I had caused. The 2 times that I saw my son have been tarnished thanks to my ex. I just thought what is the point to all this suffering that I am going through, is it really worth it, I could end it all now. But then I thought of my youngest son, and the people left behind. I want to feel happy and be my normal self, not having to battle on each day, pretending that everything is ok, when its not. I just don´t know how long this is going to last. But then I have forgotten how it feels to be happy and normal.