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Suicide thoughts

K

kodark

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Apr 27, 2021
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Brazil
I have suicidal thoughts every single morning. Sometimes I pass hours on bed just there thinking about killing myself and sleeping forever . But still I don't have the means to do it.

Since March last year I got back to benzodiazepines, I tried some antidepressants (they didn't work after all) but I am addicted to benzodiazepine (If I don't take it I can't go through the day).
Recently I got employed (I lost my job last year) but still I see no meaning to be alive.


For a long time I worked with music, I have my band and I was playing a lot, working a part-time job and having a more or less life. Now it's all messed up because I was living in another country and come back to my home country because of Covid (and I though here my parents would support me), that didn't happened well.

I also have a high social anxiety and three years living in another country nearly all my friends just turned away and then I'm stuck here at my mom house just thinking of dying every single day. The plan will work and it will be peaceful. I don't want to work in a job I don't like and I'm tired of my social anxiety and unsupportive parents.
I don't think I will cope well with life and someday I will be fully broken and I will kill myself.

I miss my band,friends, playing gigs and having my own place. I had a music studio a few years ago, I did gigs abroad. I still record songs but it's not enough.
I am 30 years old now and that is a heavy number, I don't want to get older, for me it was enough music, enough gigs and life, I just want to die.
Since 25 till now those thoughts only get stronger and stronger.
 
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Wishbone

Wishbone

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Apr 20, 2019
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You need to speak to a doctor and get yourself onto medication that will help, possibly even a different diagnosis in order to get different medication. But don't assume that one kind didn't work therefore no others will, believe me, I've tried many different kinds and I am now, finally, on one that works well for me. I lost many years to mental illness with depression taking my life away from me, friends away from me, girlfriends away from me, jobs away from me. It will do all of that and more if you let it. You have to keep fighting it.

You can change your situation and when Covid is over and things go back to how they were, hopefully you can get back to feeling better about the things you do love and care about.

Say to yourself that today you will make a change for yourself. Today you will take all of those medications you stored and you will return them to the pharmacy for them to dispose of. And then, you will fight against this thing that wants you dead. Beat depression, you can do it.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,401
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,401
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I have suicidal thoughts every single morning. Sometimes I pass hours on bed just there thinking about killing myself and sleeping forever . But still I don't have the means to do it.

Since March last year I got back to benzodiazepines, I tried some antidepressants (they didn't work after all) but I am addicted to benzodiazepine (If I don't take it I can't go through the day).
Recently I got employed (I lost my job last year) but still I see no meaning to be alive.


For a long time I worked with music, I have my band and I was playing a lot, working a part-time job and having a more or less life. Now it's all messed up because I was living in another country and come back to my home country because of Covid (and I though here my parents would support me), that didn't happened well.

I also have a high social anxiety and three years living in another country nearly all my friends just turned away and then I'm stuck here at my mom house just thinking of dying every single day. The plan will work and it will be peaceful. I don't want to work in a job I don't like and I'm tired of my social anxiety and unsupportive parents.
I don't think I will cope well with life and someday I will be fully broken and I will kill myself.

I miss my band,friends, playing gigs and having my own place. I had a music studio a few years ago, I did gigs abroad. I still record songs but it's not enough.
I am 30 years old now and that is a heavy number, I don't want to get older, for me it was enough music, enough gigs and life, I just want to die.
Since 25 till now those thoughts only get stronger and stronger.
"I have suicidal thoughts every single morning."

I can relate to that. I have passive suicidal thoughts almost every day. Sometimes I can get into a loop of having these thoughts, and it's difficult to get out of the loop.
 
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