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SUICIDE - SAMARITANS - Eastenders

Tawny

Tawny

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Anyone watching and upset by this?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Jo, the male Samaritan, he is amazing. I remember that feeling he is going through now, cannot remember the characters name, and it is really getting to me. He is talking about when he was in care.

We all have our own history and our own pain, but depression is universal isn't it.

The character in Eastenders is called Mick.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Episode just finished and he is ok. He talked to the Samaritan and he is ok. What an important service we are so lucky to have.

I rang them often back during those first episodes. It was an excruciatingly painful time and it is always in the back of my mind but these soaps that cover these important storylines, do churn everything up.

I actually feel very proud of my strength and also astonished that i am still alive. I have a life, a nice home, nice people in my life that seem to like me :) i never thought any of this would happen.

I'm crying but it could be tears of relief. There is always that darkness though isn't there.
 
A

aisha23

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I probably shouldn't have read this thread because I'm a little behind on eastenders (couple of episodes) so now it's been spoiled for me.

but, I am glad mick is okay. personally, mick carter is my favorite eastenders character and if he wasn't in the show, I doubt I'd watch it (I love him as a general person too, if you've ever seen the game show called the wall, he is in that).

I've spoken to samaratans a few times. they are good, yeah. I just wish sometimes they were able to offer advice though rather than just listen
 
Tawny

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Sorry :)

I cannot watch the wall because his accent i have to strain to hear and understand what he says! Half of my family are Londoners going way way back but i cannot listen to him easily. Stacey Dooley was on there with him the other day and that really was too much ;)

I agree, and generally i wish people were more honest about their opinions too, it would make my life easier.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I'm really not right tonight. I am taking a bit less medication, slightly less, because i am so fed up with sleeping. This i think is the third night and it is already 21.16 so i need to take my medication at 20.45 so will have that in a moment. I need to feel things again and dance again. Life has been very difficult in the past and medication is good for levelling me out and also numbing me, but i get fed up with being - normal?

It isn't normal to be numb though.
I will keep track of myself quite easily, and i am only taking 1/3 less than usual and have done this before, always end up having to go back up on dose again.

Forget that for now. NYE is always difficult. It brings back tons of memories of wildness and also despair. I am thankful for what my brain has allowed me to discover but also confused about it all, confused i don't even remember the start of that thought or sentence.

I am enjoying music and wine this evening. A friend came over and we ate and had a bottle of wine, now she has gone home and i can let it all hang out :)

I have put weight on so there is much hanging out :rofl2:
 
Tawny

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Lots of strange thinks have been happening lately. I think something was changing anyway and it is quite a nice thing, to be more awake but in a calm way. A little layer lifted, and it will only be for a short time i am sure, but a little break.

To others, it can be disasterous, lots of destruction is possible in just a week i am sure you all know, but i am very experienced at this now and i know how much stamina i have, i know when to stop.

Going to have medication now.
I don't like i have to answer the phone at midnight and for about half an hour afterwards with family calling to say happy new year BUT i should be thankful they care. I'm more of a writing person than a talking girl. I'd better get some water down me.
 
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