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suicide related questions! Need help!

J

Jmelee88

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Southern California
HELP! I have so many questions I need answered right now. If you have ever been suicidal or expierenced a love ones suicide attempt, I need to hear from you. If you have ever had a negative experience with the police when you were just trying to do the right thing, I need to hear from you?

What action should you take when you know someone is suicidal?

What is the first thing you should do when a loved one tells you they took a possible lethal dosage of pills? What if they don’t want help?

What do you do when you take action and that sends them running?

What do you do if they are not showing physical signs of overdose?

What if they have a tolerance, took enough but not the entire bottle, possibly just a cry for help. Do you believe them? Do you take action?

What if the cops don’t believe you after talking to them..only to have that person tell you minutes later that they did in fact attempt suicide and are just waiting now?

What if you have anxiety and depression and have been in a similar situation years ago and someone else made a quick judgement and saved your life?

The following part is long. And detailed so you don’t have to read if it’s too much. Just please respond to the questions.

I ask all this because this happened to me. My boyfriend told me he took and unknown amount of pain medication 2 nights ago. I tried to talk to him. I called suicide hotline. He left. Suicide hotline gave me helpful advice. I then called his dad who lives 8 hours away. He says he’s on his way. My boyfriend then calls. He tells me he scared and he doesn’t want to be alone. I ask where he is. He wont tell me. He tells me to ride my bike down a certain street. At this point I have called 911 and gave them an approximate area. I got to meet him. He sees me and rides bike towards me. I try to call 911 again. He flips out and takes off. I try to follow him as I communicate with his parents whom I barely know. He calls and tells me where I can find his bike to sell it and he will be gone soon. He’s sorry. Just then 2 police suvs pull into the parking lot near me. I ride over and flag them down. I have always trusted cops and respected them. This will soon change. My boyfriend is still on the call when I start talking to them. I frantically started to tell them that my boyfriend took pills and is a danger to himself. They tell me I need to CALM DOWN and then ask if we are homeless. I am not homeless nor do I look homeless (I’m on a brand new bike with new helmet wearing clean clothes. Our town has a major homeless population especially younger people around their 30s which is what we are) I tell him I’m not homeless I have my own apartment down the street and my bf lives with me. Meanwhile my boyfriend is on the line and they ask to talk to him. He talks to the cop and somehow bullshits him. Cop says “mam, he sounds fine, if he took pills an hour ago he would not be alert, he would not sound fine, you sound more frantic than him” he tells my bf to come to where we are and go home and stop freakin out his girlfriend. The males and female cop can be heard in the distance chit chatting and laughing as we walk away. My boyfriend tells me he lied to the cop and he did take the pills and now he’s just waiting. I stay quiet and try to secretly text his parents as we slowly ride back. We get back to apartment. I tell him to wait with bikes while I grab a beer so we can sit and talk at one of the places outside my building where we first hung out.(I jokingly refer to that as our first date) I call 911 again and give them my address. First the female shows up. I’m crying. I look her dead in the eyes with fear. I feel like she believes me. She asks to talk to my bf privately. Then the male officer shows up. He asks me what’s change since we last spoke. I tell him he really did take them. They both speak to him. He is a great actor, he “sobered up” quickly for them, he knows just what to say. They ask him if I’m on drugs. He says no. They ask if I’m on medication. He lies and says no. He doesn’t want them to make me feel worse by assuming I’m off my meds or whatever. They ask to see his prescription bottle. It’s more than half full. He says based on date, it looks like he was taking them as directing. It Originally contained 180 pills. I secretly counted days earlier due concern and I counted 120. It wasn’t far of from what it would be if he had taken 1 every 4 hours but I know he sometimes takes more and sometime none at all. They tell him if he is lying and he’s unconscious, then they will get involved. They tell us to go upstairs and go to sleep.
We get upstairs and he tells me again he took at least 15 along with a few muscle relaxers and he has no idea why they haven’t kicked in. He lets me count his pills and there are at least 10 or 11 less than I counted a day earlier. I call suicide hotline again. This time I have them on speaker and by some miracle get him to speak to the operator. He admits to her what he’s done. He says he won’t go to hospital. She talks to me. She asks questions including name and address. He takes off again. She instructs me to call 911 again. She says I need to.. immediately and to tell them suicide hotline instructed me to do so. I do. The operator informs me the police were just there. She tells me she will have the officer call me. He calls and asks me what has change in 20 min. I tell him. He tells me that my boyfriend was calm and collective and that I seem more unstable than him. I tell him suicide hotline told me I need too call them but won’t call again unless he is unconscious. I talk him into coming back and I struggle to stay awake to make sure he’s breathing. I fall asleep and he’s already with his dad. He refuses help to dad and comes back upstairs. He now feels like shit. He spends the next few hours nodding in and out. At one point he tells me he feels “funny” he still won’t go to hospital. Says he has no insurance and doesn’t want the bill. I fear that Acetaminophen May cause damage. Poison control confirms it and says to get him to ER immediately. He refuses and continues sleeping and nodding in and out for another 10 hours. I eventually convince him to go back with dad and see dr and get put back on meds that he’s been off of for over a year. By some miracle he agrees. He has been asleep since last night through today and only barely opened his eyes on FaceTime for 2 minutes before he was out again. I believe he is ok now and just dealing with the after math. I will call him again after I post this. I love him so much. I tried everything I could and that still didn’t seem to be enough. Was there something more I could have done? Did the cops respond appropriately? Please I need answers. Everywhere you look you see stuff about suicide prevention and what to do and all that happened was delay medical help and push him further. Was I supposed to wait till he wasn’t breathing?

I have been contemplating contacting the local police department and asking them for answers but I lost faith in them after this. Do you think I should? Will it make a difference.
 
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Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,716
Location
Nowhere
ok hang on I'm asking for some advice about this

:hug5:
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
44,673
Location
Lancashire
You can't be criticised for not doing all you could. I think now he needs to talk about what happened and why he was so suicidal. That is more important as he might try it again. I do wonder at the police attitude mind, I think it was terrible! They aren't medically trained so should have erred on the side of safety. I live in Britain and I think the police would have been better here. That said, we don't know what he told them. If he flatly denied it all then there wasn't much they could do.

So now you have to try to get him to get help to deal with his depression. Perhaps his father could help you here. You can call the befrienders over that and ask them for advice on helping him.
 
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