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suicide prevention chat line

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LouiseMN

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Feb 27, 2019
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278
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Minnesota
Everyone here, when depressed I have constant suicidal thoughts, more like Im worthless, everyone would be better off without me. Not actually planning to harm myself. But my husband worries and feels he can't leave me alone. That makes it worse because I feel guilty that he is not gone fishing/whatever and stuck with me. Been a tough year here. Currently feel great, as I have said on other threads. Cruise last week popped me right out even though I was dreading it. Sun and warmth wins.
 
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LouiseMN

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Feb 27, 2019
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278
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Minnesota
Could be why I am MDD, major depression. Suicidal thoughts are always there.
 
megirl

megirl

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Major clinical depression sucks,I've been there,with suicidal thoughts,always there.
I wish sunshine helped me, or a trip,we went on a cruise round a harbour,nothing warmed my heart,
Went out for meals,my husband made a big effort all I want to do is back to bed constantly. It would have been lovely, sadly there was no pleasure, on the boat was think about how I could do serious harm to myself.
Those days, I can't believe how it used to be.
I totally empathise
 
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LouiseMN

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
Messages
278
Location
Minnesota
Major clinical depression sucks,I've been there,with suicidal thoughts,always there.
I wish sunshine helped me, or a trip,we went on a cruise round a harbour,nothing warmed my heart,
Went out for meals,my husband made a big effort all I want to do is back to bed constantly. It would have been lovely,sadly there was no pleasure,on the boat all I could do was go outside willing myself to jump,
Those days, I can't believe how it used to be.
I totally empathise
You sound exactly like me. Nothing helps. I was dreading the cruise, thinking I would wreck everyone else's time by being depressed and anxious. But MN winter had been tough, and the cruise gave me multiple things, sun, warmth, exercise, and social activity (not just my husband). It popped me right out. So far so good and it has been a week! Hope you can find something that helps, I would suggest it needs to involve more people than just your husband. We are retired and drive each other crazy.
 
megirl

megirl

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Ha I don't have a husband anymore. It wasn't his fault or doing our relationship was fine back then,well fine as it could be having an unwell wife.
I aren't currently depressed that was a few years back,mood up and down but nothing that black. My mood,was so low,by the time I got home from holidays,a couple of my friends were in tears,I looked worse after the holiday,then before.
You could have given me a million dollars I would have said thanks,and popped off to bed. Too shut the world out.
A lot of people around me when I waz that depressed makes me feel even more alone
 
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LouiseMN

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Feb 27, 2019
Messages
278
Location
Minnesota
I agtee, a lot of people makes me feel worse. One of my worst days was Thanksgiving, I had my whole family there, including my kids and felt alone with my bad thoughts. Afterwards my sister said I did well! I guess no-one can see how horrible I feel.

I do get out of bed but mornings are the worst. Bad thoughts are there right away and I have the whole day. In the evenings it lightens because I can go to bed soon. I do sleep because of my Temazepan and Seroquel.
 
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Jules5

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Jan 27, 2019
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2,002
Location
Florida
Such heart felt honesty in this thread. I have those black days not as often anymore believe it is not risperdol kinda put them down. A medication that has worked for me.
 
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LouiseMN

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Feb 27, 2019
Messages
278
Location
Minnesota
Such heart felt honesty in this thread. I have those black days not as often anymore believe it is not risperdol kinda put them down. A medication that has worked for me.
I have never tried Risperdal, thanks for sharing. My daughter, studying to be a pharmacist, thinks I am already taking too many antipsychotics. My new doctor is being cautious but knows that my current meds are not working. I see her in 2 weeks, well for the first time I met her since November. Now we can talk.
 
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