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Suicide is near

S

stela

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
7
Hello,
I really dont know how to even start talking about it, I have depression.It's been going on for at least 3 years now, every time I get to a point where I think that everything is turning good something happens and they get messed up. I have a very complicated and dysfunctional family that I dont feel safe talking about it with. My boyfriend is very caring and nice but he just can't fully understand what I am going through. I thought that getting accepted to the university I wanted would solve my problem but now that I go accepted I realized that it didnt solve anything. If not I feel even worse because I came to the realization that everything looks grey. I dont have any ambitions , any goals, any motivation. Things that I loved I cant do anymore and it is extremely hard to focus on things especially studying. Sometimes I get excited about simple things as watching a movie with my bf and other times I am just an empty body with no emotions. That is the worst part. I dont even feel sad anymore. I have a new feeling I didnt even know before. It just feels like I have a ticking bomb in my stomach and I am on the path for explosion. I dont want to lose myself completely and I dont want to do anything to hurt the people I love. I know my thoughts all over the place and I dont even know why am I writing this. Seeing a psychologist is out of the question since it is ridiculously expensive. I have to admit writing down my thought while being this upset is the most progress ive done in a long time. Sorry for anyone reading this that goes through the same.
xoxo Stel
 
Last edited:
frogsplash

frogsplash

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 30, 2017
Messages
235
hi stela can you get on an antidepressant med to treat your depression? (clearly your depression is taking a huge toll on you so it should be treated as soon as possible)
 
S

stela

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
7
Hi and thank you for replying. I have to see a doctor to do that and like I said in the country I live in it is super expensive. I do understand how it helps people but I am just a little scared it will not feel like myself after that. But I do consider it for the future maybe. To be honest writing down my problem made me feel kinda relieved after I pressed upload.
 
frogsplash

frogsplash

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 30, 2017
Messages
235
ok sorry to hear about difficulties where you live with regards to getting help

maybe if you have spare time you can get some help via youtube videos, like maybe yoga or meditation would be helpful, or find out which foods help with depression and try them out. also breathing exercises and mindful things or some things to occupy you like reading

i really hope you feel better soon
 
S

stela

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
7
Thank you and I wish you the best! I have found out that the only way to relax is by watching ASMR. Thankfully I have a lot of spare time and I will take your advice in consideration. Any help is accepted at this point.
 
Soul_Deeps

Soul_Deeps

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 31, 2017
Messages
194
Location
Germany
That is very unfortunate, a therapy is what can probably help the most at this point, especially if the depression is severe.
It is difficult to give proper suggestions outside of that because I don't know you at all, but maybe you could try to search for the typical ways to deal with depression and stick by them for some time to see if it helps.
Having times of feeling absolutely nothing or empty, not having any goals and not wanting any, seeing "grey", these are all things I know very well and I believe many depressed people do.

You say you sometims get excited about small things. I think that is absolutely important and could be a good start tackling your depression. It is so helpful that you have those things and you should try to feel good about that. I would also suggest you try to force yourself to things you know you usually like or liked in the near past. I know it is difficult and doesn't bring any joy currently, but it can get better if you keep doing these things. The same is true for going the university. As soon as you stop doing things you normally would, you make it much more difficult to "come back". It is actually a very difficult balance, to try to do as much stuff as possible without overloading yourself. But it is one worth finding.

Do you do any sports? This is usually something that can also be a big help.
 
S

stela

Member
Joined
Oct 24, 2018
Messages
7
Thank you for taking the time to reply. Yes you are absolutely right recently I’ve been trying to do things I used to love even if I feel like I can’t anymore such as drawing or watching an anime which I both were passionate about before. Although it’s really hard to find the will to do them when I don’t have it. I will try to hold on to the things that bring me joy and expand them hopefully it will help more and more in the future. I used to play volleyball and love it but due to the fact that I moved to abroad I don’t really have many friends to share it with. I moved here three years ago but because of my depression and anxiety I wasn’t able to meet many considered to be friends. Also I have Tourette’s without it being severe it still brings me stress at times.
 
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