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Suicide Ideation

J

Jamie

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
5
Location
West Midlands
Caution: Possible Trigger


Okay, I'll get straight to the point... I think about death pretty much everyday and have suicidal ideation.

I am not afraid of death, nor do my thoughts cause me any anxiety. I am totally at peace when I get these thoughts. The thing is, I have a very good life. I am in a great relationship and I have 2 adorable kids. I have everything to life for, so having these type of thoughts and feelings is concerning. At the moment I do have low moods and sometimes feel sad, but for no obvious reason. Overall, I am actually happy with my life.

In February 2008 I was diagnosed with depression and suffered a 6 month long episode. During this time I was very suicidal but managed to overcome it (after an unsuccessful attempt) with great support from my family. Even though I recovered from my episode, the thoughts of death remained. Lately, I have been frequently thinking about death and suicide. I have no plans or intentions, but I daydream about doing it. For example, on a bus journey I would see a tall building and imagine myself jumping, or if I saw a big tree I'd imagine hanging. I know this is totally wrong but I cannot help it.

As I've said, I am not afraid of death and I don't feel any anxiety when I think about it, I feel totally calm. It's almost like I've accepted that I am going to die one day, and that I'm at peace with it, but instead of dying from natural causes, I think about dying on my own terms. I don't know why this is. It wouldn't bother me if I died tomorrow, but the guilt of leaving my family behind overpowers the urge to harm myself.

I don't want to tell my family about these feelings, they coped with enough when I went through my last depressive episode. I'm thinking of going to see my doctor in secret, but I wouldn't be able to hide it if they decided to put my back on meds.

Not sure how to go about this.
 
L

Lola

Guest
I have similar thoughts. I also have 2 children and the thought of what would happen to them and how they would feel if I commited suicide stops me from actually doing anything but I think about it an awful lot. I have vivid visions of seeing myself slit my wrists. If I get anxious or upset I trace a line across my wrist and imagine I'm doing it with a knife. I think how easy it would be to step out into the road when a car was coming or just take all my meds and go to bed knowing that I'll never wake up again. I can't explain the relief that washes over me when I think there is no tomorrow. My uncle killed himself when his daughter was 7, there is no way I could put my children through what my cousin has been through. I'm pretty scared of myself at the moment though, I'm just so numb about everything, I'm scared one day the feelings keeping me here will also go numb and I'll have no control over what I do.

Going to see your GP is a good place to start. Hopefully if you have a good mental health team in your PCT you will get the help you need. At the moment I'm just being passed from one Dr to the next, I don't know what I need to do to make someone help me.

Sorry what I've posted isn't of any help but you may find some comfort in the fact you're not alone in feeling the way you do.
 
S

Sarax

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 28, 2009
Messages
130
Again I don't have much advise but thought I'd let you know I do this too, I think about the most bizarre things. From walking infront of cars, hanging myself, jumping off buildings, od'ing the list is endless. Sometimes I even syke myself up to do it but I don't because I think about who and what i'd be leaving behind..... It's a scary thought though that I even think these things. All I would suggest is I'm sure your doing right seeing your gp...
 
H

hannahb

New member
Joined
Feb 13, 2010
Messages
1
Again I don't have much advise but thought I'd let you know I do this too, I think about the most bizarre things. From walking infront of cars, hanging myself, jumping off buildings, od'ing the list is endless. Sometimes I even syke myself up to do it but I don't because I think about who and what i'd be leaving behind..... It's a scary thought though that I even think these things. All I would suggest is I'm sure your doing right seeing your gp...
yes agreed
 
M

mrksmth786

Guest
Well, I can understand your feeling, as It's one I have been faced with quite a bit. I am more of the planning type, as I have never quite had the courage. My best suicide attempt was trying to give myself a heatstroke. I lost quite a bit of weight in sweat.
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
Suicidal ideation is more common than completed suicide. Most persons who commit suicide have a psychiatric disorder at the time of death. Because many patients with psychiatric disorders are seen by family physicians and other primary care practitioners rather than by psychiatrists, it is important that these practitioners recognize the signs and symptoms of the psychiatric disorders (particularly alcohol abuse and major depression) that are associated with suicide. Although most patients with suicidal ideation do not ultimately commit suicide, the extent of suicidal ideation must be determined, including the presence of a suicide plan and the patient's means to commit suicide.


Video links : http://sciencestage.com/v/12896/insidermedicine-in-60-november-21,-2007.html:study:
 
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