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Suicidal

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Lady Summer Isles

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I've had an awfull week and have felt sucidal 3 times in the last week My worst episode ever. Also 2 nights of hallucinations. Have probs with both cpn and pdoc - too much detail to go into but received a letter yesterday when i was expecting cpn to come to say they are no longer going to see me until the pdoc situation sorted. Rang her anyway and said i feel suicidal and was told that the help is there but i'm choosing not to access it. The only help they are offering is for me to see the pdoc whom i just can't see. I've been seeing a different doc who is not consultant level for the last two years whom i'm happy to see, but was told yesterday i can no longer see him. I just want a different pdoc and i've got to go through an official process to do this which i don't know how long it will take. Only found all this out yesterday and had a horrendus night - don't want to talk about what happened. Hubby has hardly had any sleep and has gone to work but asked if i'm ok enough for him to leave me. He works in Bristol so it would take him at least an hour to come home. I'm so scared and shaking, i can't get out of bed. Hubby can't cope with much more. Sorry for going on. Just feels no other way out.
 
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telemetry9

Guest
Tannith,

This might sound strange but try to stop worrying about your husband. You are the person who has an illness and is struggling. No one chooses to be ill.

Think about medication and how that may be effecting you. If you need to change your medication then phone your health centre and tell them how desperate you feel today. They should get you in touch with someone today.

Don't do this on your own and remember that you didn't choose to be ill. It isn't your fault in any way.

This awful time will pass and you WILL begin to feel better again. You will also be stronger for having survived this.

Ignore the lack of professionalism in mental health care as it is a common thread in these forums and don't wait for them to give you what you need. Find out what might help you (new meds?) and demand a different strategy or medication.

Hold on there and stay strong. Let go of worrying about people around you for the moment and concentrate on yourself. Be selfish in order to survive. Get angry in order to tell them what you want.

Speak to someone you trust and tell them how bad things are.
 
L

Lady Summer Isles

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Thank you telemetry. My husband and i have tried so hard over the last few weeks to sort things out with the cmht (my hubby's an ex cpn himself so he knows what he's talking about) but they just don't want to know. It's reached crisis point now and the original reasons for my illness seem to have been forgotton in all the politics. The stress is unbearable. I spoke about meds to the cpn on the phone yesterday and she said the only way i can alter them is to see this pdoc and that she doesn't think any other tablet will help how i'm feeling right now. Hubbies just txt to see how i am. He's so supportive but going under himself now. Thank you for your kind words.
I just need to stay on here today to try and keep safe.
 
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mad as a hatter

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won,t the cpn come and see u when ur feeling so low as u r at the moment i think that,s shocking if they don,t come
 
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telemetry9

Guest
It's all well and good for them to tell you that new meds won't help but it isn't they who are struggling and in pain.

I don't know your circumstances but I'm guessing you have a chemical imbalance. If that isn't responding to the meds you are taking then surely a different approach is needed on that level.?

I was in a similar situation to yourself recently and in the end I was desperate I
phoned reception at my GP's and told them I needed help and needed to see someone as I couldn't take the pain of depression any longer. I researched a different class of meds that I knew I could start right away without weaning off the existing ones. I waited over an hour to see the GP and told her that the medication had stopped working (As I tried to tell them weeks earlier); and that I was now in a very bad way as a consequence.

I told her the medication that I wanted (lofepramine) and I'm so glad I did. She gave me the script that day. Sadly - unless we do the work they just don't have the skills or understanding to. You are the person who knows best about your illness. It's so hard to fight for that and it's bloody unfair we have to - but that is the way things are.

best wishes
robert.
 
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Lady Summer Isles

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No that's what the letter said yesterday that until the pdoc situation is sorted then no-one will come. I do have a support worker but she is only there for practical things such as getting me on the bus. I'm not allowed to discuss how i'm feeling with her. Both she and I have been told off in recent weeks for overstepping the boundries on that front and she now has to stick exactly to her job ie buses. My husband wrote an email to his carer support worker late last night to say how disgusted he is and he can't cope anymore. It's all blown up big time. Thanks for your reply.
 
L

Lady Summer Isles

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Thanks Robert. Your'e right they can't stop me calling the gp. I'm on 2 anti-depressants an antipsychotic , beta blockers and sleeping pills and valium. I'm already rattling. I will try to call her thank you.
 
L

Lady Summer Isles

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Hubby just sent me a text to say he has phoned the hospital and has a meeting tomorrow at 4pm with the pdoc on my behalf. I'm so scared even at the thought of it even though i don't have to go. It means he's got to take even more time off work but i'm so gratefull to him. Don't think it will resolve anything as pdoc just wants to know my reasons for me not wanting to see him which i've already explained 2 years ago. We will still have to go through the official process of getting rid of him. Sorry to keep going on. Think i might be able to sleep for a bit now.
 
KP1

KP1

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Sounds a horrendous situation. I don't know what the answer is. It seems like we have no choice. Only a suggestion but could you see this Psychiatrist with your husband each time or could the CPN be present each time.
Hope it works out for you.
Take care
KP:hug:
 
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telemetry9

Guest
Now you are further forward than you were this morning. At least you can start to get things moving towards what you want and feel comfortable with.

I find it strange that the Pdoc wants to know your reasons for not feeling comfortable with him. That is your prerogative and he should simply accept that as part of the process of therapy. Unprofessional of him to ask you to explain that. You are fully entitled to request to move on but they seem to neglect that part of training for pdocs and counsellors these days.

Don't let them sidetrack you from what you feel is right for you.
 
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mad as a hatter

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Maybe he just wants 2 find out if there is away they can get past the problems u have with him either that he,s a 1st class a-hole u choose
 
L

Lady Summer Isles

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Thanks Robert and Mad as a hatter. I've been in touch with PALS today and i have to write a letter to them saying i wish a change of consultant and give reasons why. You are right Robert i shouldn't have to justify it but it seems that's how the system works. And yes he is just a complete arshole and i'm not the only person that thinks so. My husband is seeing him at 4pm today anyway to express how we both feel and how it's affecting us both but also to tell him that we are formally requesting a change of consultant.
My support worker is coming at 1.30pm and we are supposed to be doing our bus journey out today but not sure if i'll make it. Didn't get up at all yesterday. I have run a bath at least - not in it yet as you've gathered. Just wanted to thank you all for your support, it's really helping me.
 
L

Lady Summer Isles

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Joined
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Messages
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NOBODY KNOWS FOR SURE
Sorry i forgot thanks KP1. I don't get along with my cpn either. I can't face seeing him at all. The last time i did was in hospital and i ended up hysterical and walking out and self-harming. Not prepared to put myself through that again. But thanks for the suggestions.
 
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