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Suicidal

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NoOne5

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I am super humiliated now. End of my participation in this thread. Unfollowing.
 
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NoOne5

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One more thing. I hate to admit it but some do "Attempt" suicide for attention. How many fails can you have if you are really serious?? :rolleyes:
 
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NoOne5

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It's half empty NOT half full!!!
 
Prince of Cinders

Prince of Cinders

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I've been keeping an eye on this set of postings, but was a bit anxious about saying anything further. Wasn't sure I had much more to add that was productive, but having given it some thought, I feel there's a bit more that I could share. What follows is just my 2 cents, and hopefully it helps.

Human beings are, by nature (or design, if you like) built to survive. Our instincts, such as feeling uneasy when looking over a ledge from high up, serve to protect us. Our reflexes, such as recoiling from touching something hot or experiencing fear of some sort and jumping back, keep us from hurting ourselves or limiting the damage.

My experience has been that, before I made my first attempt, everything I thought and felt kept me alive. At some point though, things just changed. The only way I know to phrase what i've felt since is that basically, I had to "override" every natural instinct and feeling of survival in order to get to a point where self-harm was realistic. Eventually, that lack of desire to survive, or to simply cause the pain i was feeling to stop, had completely overrun my desire to stay alive.

Since then, I've felt.........hollowed out. Empty. At best, it didn't really matter if i lived or not. At worst, I was depressed/angry/hurt to a degree where death seemed like the only viable way out.

I'll say this, and perhaps this will resonate with someone else. While it's my personal experience, I've come to believe that being suicidal is very much what I think it's like for an alcoholic. Once you've gone down that road, you're basically always at risk. Sure, you may improve. You may seek help, or redemption, or solace in whatever manner is healthy. But at the end of the day, you're just one bad episode from being right back where you started. If you really think about it, those two conditions end up being rather comparable, though clearly not an exact overlay.

I'm likely the last one to tell someone not to consider self-deletion (an interesting term heard recently that I'm borrowing for the moment). It's just something that's never far from my thoughts. I would say, if you have things to live for, try and do so if you can.
 
Prince of Cinders

Prince of Cinders

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One more thing. I hate to admit it but some do "Attempt" suicide for attention. How many fails can you have if you are really serious?? :rolleyes:
In 2010, on my first attempt, someone came to check on me out of concern and simply was in the right place at the right time. They did, however, have to kick a door off its hinges. I wasn't looking for a rescue.

My second attempt, in 2014 failed. I still don't know how to explain that one.

Since then, i've not tried again. That hasn't stopped the thought of it though. Things have been bad for the last year or two, and honestly...i'm really surprised I haven't tried again.
 
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NoOne5

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In 2010, on my first attempt, someone came to check on me out of concern and simply was in the right place at the right time. They did, however, have to kick a door off its hinges. I wasn't looking for a rescue.

My second attempt, in 2014, failed as a result of a misfire. to this day, there's no reason why the weapon failed to function. It's been fired since (at the range!) perfectly, and never was repaired or worked on. I still don't know how to explain that one.

Since then, i've not tried again. That hasn't stopped the thought of it though. Things have been bad for the last year or two, and honestly...i'm really surprised I haven't tried again.
I am so sorry. :sorry:I've heard from one of my former therapists that a suicidal man survived when he tried to commit suicide. I've never wanted a rescue either. I was even homicidal toward my mom who forced me to live. Again I apologize. I was just in a very misanthropic mood at the time. I am feeling horrid at the moment. Spiritual, psychological, and physical torment right now. :hug:
 
Prince of Cinders

Prince of Cinders

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I am so sorry. :sorry:I've heard from one of my former therapists that a suicidal man survived when he tried to commit suicide. I've never wanted a rescue either. I was even homicidal toward my mom who forced me to live. Again I apologize. I was just in a very misanthropic mood at the time. I am feeling horrid at the moment. Spiritual, psychological, and physical torment right now. :hug:
You have nothing to apologize for, and don't worry about it. You're not wrong, there are people who likely do it for attention or as a cry for help. While certainly not the best way of going about it, we still have to keep an eye on people who fall into that category. I probably could have conveyed that as well, so that's on me.

But please don't be troubled on my account. Do what you need to, so you can feel better.
 
Prince of Cinders

Prince of Cinders

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Also, admin...

Sorry, didn't know. My apologies, i'll be more mindful in the future. Thank you for editing that out.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I really don't know why i did what i did. It was a combination of personal and maybe unique reasons. I do believe i have a survival instinct.

I was thinking of Caroline Flack. She had a sort of party at her home that night, her family i think went home, and she made a determined and possibly carefully planned attempt. I wonder at what point she decided and if she had attempted before during that stressful time in her life.

It is frightening. For me the thought of accidental suicide is the most frightening, for me and for others.

I have seen someone take overdose after overdose, be sent home, only to do it again. She says it was not for attention, just she wanted to die, stated to do what needed to be done, and then stopped. She could have died at any time.

A very frightening risk is the sleeping tablet. How many people must take one too many, just to shut the world out, only to die and the life end, just like that, forever.

I think we should all be forced to look at a dead body, maybe the one of someone we know who has died, for any reason, just to see actually that is what can happen, when the body stops functioning, the end of that body.

Michael Jackson died via sleeping medicine i think, and Heath Ledger, and i think Amy Winehouse possibly too. That is why i am so careful. If i take them too often, they don't work, so are for extreme emergencies.

Please everyone take care
There is always help somewhere
Or here
x
 
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