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Suicidal

F

ForeverDandelion

New member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Ireland
I've been very suicidal for a while now. I've been fantasising about it so much that it takes up my entire thoughts. I know how I'm going to do it. I have a note written out.

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just scared what will happen if my attempt doesn't work. I'm miserable everyday. I hate myself. I feel so worthless, isolated and I just can't cope with the mental state I'm in.

I hate the feeling like I'm being selfish to the people in my life but I'm like an animal that's in pain and needs to be put out of its misery. There's no point in me living. Really, I'm not living, I'm just existing.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
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May 6, 2017
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4,083
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Sheffiield
Sorry for the late reply but it's been a busy night.

You said in your other thread...
I wish I had normal thoughts and not evil, hateful negative voices in my head.
Please just consider the possibility that these are intrusive thoughts and may be part of a bigger mental health condition that might be treatable with therapy and/or medication.
I have to go to bed now for an event I have scheduled for tomorrow but I'd very much like the chance to talk to you further, please don't do anything in the mean time, what's another day or two in the grand scheme of things? I should be back online tomorrow between 4:30pm and 5pm.

I've bookmarked this thread and will check back as soon as I can.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
14,410
Location
England
Hi,
I'm so sorry your feeling poorly right now, please get help.
Things can change for the better.
Are you under mental health services?
Call your crisis team now if your under one or call emergency services
Please keep fighting.
Many of us have felt like this and got better/or improved.
Hugs
 
N

neggs

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
44
Location
Earth
I've been very suicidal for a while now. I've been fantasising about it so much that it takes up my entire thoughts. I know how I'm going to do it. I have a note written out.

I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just scared what will happen if my attempt doesn't work. I'm miserable everyday. I hate myself. I feel so worthless, isolated and I just can't cope with the mental state I'm in.

I hate the feeling like I'm being selfish to the people in my life but I'm like an animal that's in pain and needs to be put out of its misery. There's no point in me living. Really, I'm not living, I'm just existing.
foreverdandelion, the fact that you have reached out shows that youre conflicted within about what the right path is. it is okay to be low, it is okay to feel worthless. everyone on this forum has been where you are, its a part of being human.
when i have thoughts like that, and when i picture myself doing it, i think of the one person who is worth living for.
i sincerely urge you to dig deeper within yourself, beyond all the shit of being human and being alive, you will find a greater purpose for your existence.
you have these feelings of hate toward yourself because you think you dont have purpose. thats what the evil thoughts in you want.
you can control it! you have to fight against every part of you that talks of self hate. grab control of your mind, force those effing voices to shutup !
you can do it. i believe in the purpose of your existence.
more importantly, your family and friends need you.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
4,083
Location
Sheffiield
I'm back from my event, I'm here and willing to listen if you're able to talk about some of your difficulties. I really hope you can get back to me.

I hate myself. I feel so worthless, isolated and I just can't cope with the mental state I'm in.
Can you tell me more about your mental state and illnesses? In your other post you mentioned you did self harm but you never said why. 21 is a relatively young age and you have your whole life ahead of you and a new job in less than a week, the people who do interviews for jobs tend to be able to read people pretty well so you can't be worthless and lack self confidence if you managed to get this job, they must have seen something in you that you don't see yourself at the moment, take it from someone who hasn't worked since 2001 and has been rejected for more jobs than I can count.

In fact my life between the years of 2001 and 2016 was pretty dull, isolated and I felt pretty worthless myself, it was only due to my psychosis in 2016 at the age of 36 that my life picked up and got better, I'm even tempted to try applying for jobs again.

I'm on medication to prevent my psychosis returning and was also given medication for my social anxiety for the first time in my life and now I'm doings things I never would have dreamed of doing just four years ago, including speaking to people on a forum.
 
N

neggs

Active member
Joined
Feb 11, 2020
Messages
44
Location
Earth
I'm back from my event, I'm here and willing to listen if you're able to talk about some of your difficulties. I really hope you can get back to me.


Can you tell me more about your mental state and illnesses? In your other post you mentioned you did self harm but you never said why. 21 is a relatively young age and you have your whole life ahead of you and a new job in less than a week, the people who do interviews for jobs tend to be able to read people pretty well so you can't be worthless and lack self confidence if you managed to get this job, they must have seen something in you that you don't see yourself at the moment, take it from someone who hasn't worked since 2001 and has been rejected for more jobs than I can count.

In fact my life between the years of 2001 and 2016 was pretty dull, isolated and I felt pretty worthless myself, it was only due to my psychosis in 2016 at the age of 36 that my life picked up and got better, I'm even tempted to try applying for jobs again.

I'm on medication to prevent my psychosis returning and was also given medication for my social anxiety for the first time in my life and now I'm doings things I never would have dreamed of doing just four years ago, including speaking to people on a forum.
Love your testimony on good treatment! Power to You Human! <3

@ForeverDandelion eager to hear back from you. Will think of you in my prayers and i hope youre coping well.
 
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