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Suicidal

valleygirl

valleygirl

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I keep coming back to suicidal ideation. I have a few days every couple of weeks where I feel mildly less depressed, but the depression and anxiety never really go away. And then it gets worse, and I feel like I have nowhere to go. I circle round and round and round inside my head, and every attempt to better my life exacerbates my depression and anxiety. Now I am having to apply for social assistance and the process is accelerating my stress, and my suicidal thoughts are intensifying. I am thinking about how I could kill myself, what I need to buy and where I could buy it. I pretty much have it all figured out.
 

MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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I hope you don't go and do anything. I know how horrible that feels. I was in that cycle for months and months and never thought I would come out of it but I did. I had a bit of time where the depression wasn't my everyday life.

I do get my really bad days still, they will never go away. I am currently facing a trigger head on but having the time when life wasn't all about the depression helps me through.

xxx
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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I've been in this cycle for years, and the longer it lasts, the deeper in I go. It's like a spiral that is drawing me in closer and closer to the suffocating centre.
 
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MarlieeB

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I'm sorry it's been years for you but please don't let it win. There will be something, there might already be that you will look back on which may help but sometimes it is so, so hard to find but it's there

Xxx
 
pepecat

pepecat

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When do you next see your therapist? You need to tell her how you feel, and about the self harm as well.
 
valleygirl

valleygirl

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I see her tomorrow, but I don't want to tell her about the suicidal thoughts because she will just tell me that I need to go to the hospital. Either I successfully complete suicide or I don't attempt and don't tell anyone because being admitted to the psych ward totally messes up completing my college program on time, and I have a class that starts May 4.
 
Dragonball

Dragonball

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Apr 29, 2015
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Valleygirl im so sorry you feel like this ,I and a lot here know what that feeling is like and it's hard to get thru it , I used to suffer like you years ago and still have times now when I do but my lifesaver was a volunteer job I have/had ,since I haven't been able to go things are getting impossible , but can you find something ,just one thing that you would like to do weather it be art or music or crafty things or anything ?
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

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Oct 21, 2013
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On a comet
Valley, we are all here for you. Your not alone in this battle ok? I myself have tried to take my own life 3 times this year. I'm sooooo glad I didn't succeed. Please stay on this forum and use it as a support network. Stay and talk to us.
 
C

Christobel

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Jun 6, 2014
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You sound like someone who is in need of urgent help. I know how you feel as I have been there myself. Could you put off College and go into hospital for some skilled care? It would seem your life could be in danger, and a break away from your present situation may be all it takes to make you start to feel
A bit better.
 
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