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Suicidal Vibes

DistantOcean

DistantOcean

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May 4, 2020
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Hey everyone! I would like to hear from you your thoughts on suicide. How often and serious do you consider it? What keeps you from going through with it? And is it a solution we should consider if we feel at a complete loss with the world
 
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Elphie10

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Feb 19, 2020
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61
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UK
I think about it most days. I haven't ever tried to act on it even though it's been very tempting on a few occasions. The thought if my family stops me, also my Christian faith. I think God wants me alive still, I don't know why.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Feb 27, 2020
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I think about it fairly often and have had about a half dozen serious attempts. I think of it less now because my attempts have been unsuccessful which I understand is common for women. It also really upsets my parents when this happens and they are getting older so I don’t want to upset them more.
 
DistantOcean

DistantOcean

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May 4, 2020
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I mainly find it difficult to talk about my depressive feelings with my parents because I have them so often. I feel like it would be too burdensome to share it with them all the time because they are quite prevalent. And I don't really have anyone else at the ready to share my feelings with at all time. But I feel as if, when I don't talk about these thoughts, they tend to get worse.
 
R

RedYeti

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May 14, 2020
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UK
I’ve only told one person about my depression, haven’t told them about suicidal thoughts because I think it might be a bit much for them.
I’m not really sure it’s quite erratic I have them a couple times a week maybe, a lot more And more intense when I’m having bad days Or stressed.
When they’re bad I tell myself they’re not proper thoughts and it’s only because I’m low. I make a lot of jokes about it and talk shit about them which kind of makes them seem more ridiculous reminding me I’m not gonna do it. It helps me take the weight out of it, if that makes any sense. I do sometimes worry it might get too much and I give in, I’m still trying to find things that help
 
Zero One

Zero One

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I tried three times. The first time I think my mental disorders kicked in to save me and my thoughts changed as if I did not want to do it right as I was about to, then I involuntary walked away involuntarily laid in bed and could not move after that. I fell asleep somehow and woke up okay the next day. The second and third time I was really surprised I lived... especially the third time. Those two times were due to extreme mental torture, the third time being the most extreme.
 
rainbowsocks

rainbowsocks

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May 18, 2020
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I seriously think about it probably every other day or so. Have had multiple attempts. What keeps me going? I don't know actually.
 
B

Black Despondency

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Mar 29, 2020
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The only reason I'm not dead is because I'm afraid of waking up worse off than I already am. I have made two or three attempts. The I wakeup immediately disappointed that I'm alive. I have been doing pretty good lately, but I feel like I only have a few positive emotions and they feel like nothing compared to my negative emotions.
 
T

Thisway

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I have never attempted but i think about it everyday. In thinking about it, it feels like a release or coping device to relieve my anger or frustration at the time. For instance, if i get angry about something, i frequently visualise myself committing suicide. It might be a "taking back control" mechanism as if to say "no matter how shit life gets i can always do this!".

Why i don't just do it? My bleakest self says I don't want to mess it up and am afraid. Rational me says i probably have to admit i think there might be a point to carrying on. I imagine it is very difficult to actually end life as we are fairly robust animals. Despite hating being alive, the evolutionary fear of dying must be overwhelming and no matter what relief might be sought, panic and terror must be the majority of suicide experiences. Of course, that is also some people's life experiences.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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E

Elphie10

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Feb 19, 2020
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UK
I have never attempted but i think about it everyday. In thinking about it, it feels like a release or coping device to relieve my anger or frustration at the time. For instance, if i get angry about something, i frequently visualise myself committing suicide. It might be a "taking back control" mechanism as if to say "no matter how shit life gets i can always do this!".

Why i don't just do it? My bleakest self says I don't want to mess it up and am afraid. Rational me says i probably have to admit i think there might be a point to carrying on. I imagine it is very difficult to actually end life as we are fairly robust animals. Despite hating being alive, the evolutionary fear of dying must be overwhelming and no matter what relief might be sought, panic and terror must be the majority of suicide experiences. Of course, that is also some people's life experiences.
I think this is it. Our bodies our made to protect themselves not hurt themselves. I probably would mess it up and then have a worse life than I did to begin with.

The thought is still there though. I don't know if I'm jusy lazy and want out of life, or if I want to attempt it so people know I'm serious.
 
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DavidCR

Member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
5
Location
Scotland
Hey everyone! I would like to hear from you your thoughts on suicide. How often and serious do you consider it? What keeps you from going through with it? And is it a solution we should consider if we feel at a complete loss with the world
I go through cycles of thinking about ending it and then I feel better for a bit, I've been having those thoughts since I was 11, i'm in my mid 30's now and still have them. As a teenager I thought just getting away from the place I grew up would solve it - it didn't, then I thought finding love with a girl would solve it - it didn't, since College i've just been living in the future to try and run from actually doing it - so focus on goals - the degree, the masters, the good job, the wife, the kid (etc) (etc), I achieve the goals and keep living but it never takes away the feelings that it would all be just better to be over. I hang on now for my kid, I wrote out a calendar of days countdown untill the kid turns 25 to just keep myself living as I figure if I can make it to then then the kid will be an adult and it won't totally derail her life for ever if I do it - she's only a toddler now so that's 23 years to go. I just find day to day living so hard - thoughts of failure, disappointment, shame, self hate, drudgery & monotony just overwhelm me sometimes - I've been on antidepressants now for 3 years, they work at first but every 4/5 months I have ti get the dose increased and the feelings come back, now i'm at the max dose allowed and again i'm building a tolerance. Thinking of trying hypnotherapy next, my biggest success in life so far is that i've managed to outrun suicide for 25 years, I just hope I can keep outrunning it. Before my kid it was my parents were the main reason I didn't - the pain it would cause them, but they have passed now, sometimes I think the biggest reason I had my daughter was I knew they would pass soon and she gives me something else to keep hanging on for.
 
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LostSpirit

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Sep 16, 2019
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51
Location
Uk
I've thought about it a lot lately, I lost someone to suicide years ago and still remember the hurt he was so young, but ever since then it's been on my mind, I go thru spells of being ok then really bad periods like now, to anyone looking in my life isnt so bad, but I have a terrible upbringing and my mother has never been in my life and that has impacted me badly, I have children and I even think they would be better off if i wasnt here, I'm almost 34 and the hurt and pain I carry around with me each day is so tiring, I just want to feel at peace, but I have these full force of hatred towards myself that wont allow that.
 
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DavidCR

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May 25, 2020
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5
Location
Scotland
I've thought about it a lot lately, I lost someone to suicide years ago and still remember the hurt he was so young, but ever since then it's been on my mind, I go thru spells of being ok then really bad periods like now, to anyone looking in my life isnt so bad, but I have a terrible upbringing and my mother has never been in my life and that has impacted me badly, I have children and I even think they would be better off if i wasnt here, I'm almost 34 and the hurt and pain I carry around with me each day is so tiring, I just want to feel at peace, but I have these full force of hatred towards myself that wont allow that.
I endured a crappy childhood also - bad bullying from ages 8 - 12 as I was small & skinny & witnessed regular domestic violence at home, always in an atmosphere of tension & fear - so I was a subdued timid kid. In teenagers years I got a lot bigger physically but by then I was just glad bullying torment was stopped and I could be left in peace, no one bothered me but I kept myself fairly isolated - avoided groups and crowds whenever I could, in later years the shame of those years and being an outsider really gets me depressed - even decades later. One thing I do to keep me from entertaining suicide too much is every day I look at a sentence I wrote "there is no other man on this earth who cares as much and will look out for your daughter as much as you" - that's a fact and it helps to keep me surviving on.
 
G

Goingback1

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Joined
Mar 25, 2020
Messages
49
Location
Regina Saskatchewan
I think about it fairly often and have had about a half dozen serious attempts. I think of it less now because my attempts have been unsuccessful which I understand is common for women. It also really upsets my parents when this happens and they are getting older so I don’t want to upset them more.
What treatment got u out of the dark? Did u try alot of different meds? What also is working for you now?
 
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